Journal Entry December 8th, 2020: Living Life As A Sex Worker

Living life as a sex worker: my personal experiences

Tuesday, December 8, 2020
9:32 AM

For such a highly regulated industry with the amount of laws that you have to worry about coming up to your nose. What this industry doesn’t have is any regulations towards the safety for those that work in it. I really hope that by sharing my horrible experiences that I am just now trying to come to terms with ..somewhat, that it will save someone’s life.

I have to tell you i have tried so many times, started so many writings…and yet none of it has been seen. I know when the quarantine started and so many were turning to this industry for a “quick and easy way” i had started writing a couple of blogs then and never was able to get them finished and put out.

The things that you need to know, the real nitty gritty shit that, my gawd i wish i would’ve known, no one is going to tell you. No one but me, that is.

For me, my story starts 4 years ago. I had moved to San Antonio, Texas in hopes of starting fresh after going through trauma of my son wanting to kill me. That had been an ordeal all on its own. A single mother disabled, living off of $300 plus food stamps a month, trying to raise an “entitled” son, or let’s just say thought that he was entitled…Looking back things changed with him pretty drastically about the age of 7. By the time he was 11 and 12, ya know pretty much the start of puberty, he had gotten meaner…or let’s say “more entitled.” My health situation didn’t help at all. And I’m sure that had alot to do with things.

To make that long story short, for any parent to have to sit and talk to their child about the mendez brothers about killing their parents…that seriel killers normally start with their parents, along with having to take all the sharp objects in the house out, knives, scissors and such. Two months before he turned 13, he left. Whether he called CPS or whether a neighbor really did, i guess ill never know.

The point is that year, i ended up 3 times in the hospital over this situation with my child. I had spent that year going through massive amounts of counseling and was just released from my counselor, and with the move from one state to another, counting my lucky stars and Thanking God i was still alive, i had high hopes for a new beginning to a fresh start in life. As i had taken my last look in the mirror in my place before i closed the door to what i had considered hell, at that time. Saying to myself, i have just made it through this hell i can make it through anything. There’s nothing that can compare living through this with a child.


…..ohhhh how wrong i was…..

I had no idea i was jumping from the frying pan into the fire of hell itself!!!!!!

In case you are wondering why I started with my story there, you needed to know the very beginning, where i was, where i had been and just how “impressionable” i was at that time. A single mother, that didn’t go anywhere, disabled, that was just trying to live life the best i could. And even though i worked for only 8 months when i was 25 going through my second divorce. This life, the industry, and everything having to do with it, was totally unknown. I’m now in my late 40’s so to understand that the only “social media” i was “hip” to was facebook and FetLife. That was it for me.


Also you need to know the things that i went through, as i look back it came into stages. So its imprtant to know these small details of each stage i went through.

…so i was happy to have moved… And even though i found myself to be just dropped off at a girlfriends of who i came to san Antonio with in spring branch, who was supposedly in the cartel somehow. I still didn’t know just what was ahead of me. Two weeks after moving, i left for the night to go into san Antonio just to try to do a little sight seeing on my own. Got a room that night and came back the next day. Upon getting back to spring branch, when i pulled in i saw all the furniture and all kinds of other shit outside. I was kinda freaked out wondering what the hell was going on. Well between my stuff and the furniture and shit that was brought by the girl i came here with, which btw i had called to be my “daughter i never had” ….seems like all of my stuff i brought with me were….GONE…just like that, disappeared and no one could give me any straight answers about anything.

Everything i had brought was keep sakes, things like my baby book along with my two sons baby books, a 90 year old wedding band that was was my grandmother’s, a simple band though it was, it was still 90 years old. Ya know…things that couldnt be replaced.

Well, with no help from my so called “daughter” that seemed to have just disappeared and went on to do her thing, i wasn’t quite sure of what i was going to do from there. Started to talking to this “friend” that she left me with. Who had talked to me about pulling an armed robbery ok…which ummm kinda freaked me out, of course upon me telling her not no but hell no. I had kinda was thinking along tge terms of just plain “working” so to speak.

Of course, i never could get any straight answers about anything, the girl started talking shit about being a lot lizard with the truckers… nothing ever staight. Which did not give me a warm fuzzy feeling in my gut at all.

In between all of this, i had gotten on Adult Friend Finder, met up with someone that took me for a bike ride and even though my helmet and all was gone, (i dont ride with a helmet anyways, if i can get away with it) i still had my leathers. So i went off and had fun on my ride. I guess that will surely be a bike ride that he will never forget. 😈 Cuz i love to play while riding on the back of a bike. I messed with him so much, he started trying to fuck the tank. Lol i didn’t mean for that. I was just being me, spontaneous and free…hell i tried to tell him…i dont talk by words, i talk by actions and i just do it, I don’t talk about it. Lol i laugh now because i guess he thought i was talking smack until we stopped in tbe curve my first time in canyon lake, where i had just decided right there in front of God and every one Passing by to just drop down to my knees and started giving him head. Lol seemed like the thing to do at the time LMFAO. I guess that made a believer out of him huh lol

Well getting back to the place in spring branch after the ride, i still couldn’t get any straight answers. My ID was gone, all my things were gone, trying to get me involved into an armed robbery situation and then talking some no-non sense shit about being a lot lizard…my thoughts were if this bitch is really part of cartel…this spelled disaster or at least being trafficked. Either way it was still disaster and trouble and my gut was fucking hurting bad. I knew i needed to take the fuck off.

All that night i tried to contact people that i had been talking to on AFF, frantic…i knew better, i knew i needed to be gone and quick. All these people wanted to talk about was their freaking dicks…go figure…. sending me dick pics…i never can that shit…what the fuck is a dick pic gonna do for me…cant tell none if them apart when you don’t know the person thats attached to the dick…. anyways…i spent all my time …with my time wasted…i didn’t have much time left till daylight. I still had to be gone that place. I wanted to be gone before she woke up.

So i packed up what i had left, what i could bring in 3 duffle bags. One if which was my bag that weighed over 100 pounds lol….my riding leathers and a weed pipe was all that left to what i had brought with me. I brought all three bags outside and hid them in the branches of a bush in the backyard.

I didn’t realize at the time, the guy i went riding with was married. Hell i had blown his phone completely up. I didn’t know anyone else and was desperately waz trying to get somewhere other than where i was at.

I finally found one person on AFF to pick me up and drop me off at Applebee’s i think it was on Devzula (spelling??) I don’t really remember. I did get in touch witb the guy i went on the bike ride with and he told me to meet him there, so thats what i did. Everything is like a blur to me though, what i can remember was specifically about 10 minutes away from that place…i felt something heavy lift off my chest, whatever it was i say like it was gray when it came off my chest…i began to choke some but all of a sudden i felt like i could breathe. Which i didn’t realize until then that my breathing was kinda labored. It kinda spooked me out, but didn’t have time to think about it. It was in the afternoon the next day…i had played it all off and i was finally out of there….to safety i was hoping for… trusting… hell i had to trust and believe because…well….i had no choice in the matter.

Well i waited until he came, when he did finally make it, he came in a Porsche. We had a hellva time fitting my three bags in there. Lol he was freaked out and i didn’t know any better really.i honestly was just trying to go from there, ya know. So he brought me to a motel. I don’t even remember what motel it was. He talked his big talk. Saying he had a friend named pinky, or whatever that would take care of things…in other words if i made any trouble. I honestly was just trying… actually I don’t even know… trying to survive it i guess. He paid for a week for me. I took care of him and off he went. Telling me i had a week to figure it out.

So i started doing the only thing i knew to do. I started with the catholic diocese. Thats where my mom had worked for almost 20 years where i was raised. So that’s where i started. That and the shelters…where i ended up not finding much luck in anything i tried. I had papers full of phone numbers…but not much help at all. I didn’t know what i was going to do.

Of course he had through a few times, i think once during the night time. Checking on my progress and to have some fun in between. Of course i was just being me, the submissive that i am. Innocent in everything. Innocent in the game of it all.

At the end of the week, we got together and talked about my situation. Which of course i didn’t have much news to report. I came to realize without a child. There wasn’t much help around.

So he thought about it, and put me up at woodspring suites on I35 in northeast san Antonio. I stayed for a month there. When i first got there, while i was on my knees in the floor.. talking..and sucking…i can remember him saying something about…what is it thats your fortei? What would put you out above everyone else? ….he was talking about me working…in other words,what would be my brand, even though i didn’t realize that’s what he was talking about. I guess my fortei was giving head. Something i did enjoy doing. Something my First Master made sure that i knew well.


You need to know the training from my First Master, that has been ingrained in me. Its the only way i knew life. And honestly speaking, its only way and the best way to “work with me” for lack of better words. The BDSM lifestyle…its the only way that i respond. Thats the best way that I’ll respond.
….its really the only i will respond…is the way of the bdsm lifestyle… anyways….

Thats when he introduced me to hell…Moco Space…i had no idea about it. He told me to watch the chat room and pretty much learn how things went from watching and do what i learned by watching. Gawd i had no clue about any of it. I was so freaking green…. TRUSTING….NAIVE…AND YES…. GULLIBLE!!!!!

…..of from there….off to the races …….

Now that I’m away from the scene and can finally speak very honestly… absolutely nothing could have ever prepared me for what i was about to deal with. At that point, i wasn’t quite sure what i had envisioned on the way things would go, but i can tell you this much, i sure wasn’t prepared to be dealing with the most horrible vile disgusting ways that a man can treat a woman. I was so damn green about this whole “shin dig” ways of how any of this stuff goes. I can tell you that back when i worked for that whole 8 months of my life over 20 something years ago it was so totally different.

Going through my second divorce, i had met my best friend of 22yrs (until i lost her friendship over this job) she was dating my ex’s co worker. the four of us had dinner together one night right before the split happened. Her and i hit it right off then, even though my ex didn’t want me to hang out with her because of what she did…hell i didn’t care, i thought she was cool to hang with. Back then she worked for an agency. It was on my 25th birthday i had done my first call. Back then it was still pagers and pay phones. And we did out calls. But there was no such thing as all these acronyms and shit…as she put it, we just didn’t bring any men home…and that was just the rule of thumb. As far as screening was concerned, the woman that did the phones was supposed to do the screening….and yes id like to continue to think that even though i know better now.

At night we stayed at the blues club having fun and dancing, and when the pager went off, we’d be off doing our thang… having fun wearing them out lol… Now grant it, there was shit we put up with. Her more so than me. But still NOT ANYTHING EVER LIKE WHAT IS DONE THESE DAYS. Screening…we went by our guts. ..

Anyways….not anyone even the most experienced of Providers….so i had done my first call i think it was either the 3rd or 4th day after being introduced to this freaking insanely crazy ass site, Moco Space. I was TOTALLY FLOORED about how things were so blantly talked about, i could not freaking believe that shit. That was so wild to me lol

Five days into Moco Space….that morning i woke up and logged on, i had a message on there, “i know that facebook face.” It freaked me out. So i answered back…”who the fuck is this?!”

What i got back in return was “Hi mom!” My son was 15 at the time. In that instant a chill came over me that i couldn’t shake. It was almost as though I could hear him in my ear, with his voice cracking and all. And i knew what i had just gone through. The fear that went through my body with that chill. The fear that came over me the day i got back from the hospital the first time i went in with my total break down after he left, as i sat on my living room floor finding all the things that he had been putting away and hidin, under the couch cushions, and in little bitty areas you wouldn’t think to find. He had been putting away things, packing it all up. And as i sat on my living room floor and cried that wondering why he kept me alive and left, wondering if he had kept me alive just to have it worse in the end. I’ll never know…but in that split second of seeing the words “Hi mom” all of that came back and made me freeze in cold fear.

The only thing that came out to message back was “what the living fyck are you doing on here?!!???!”

I mean by God, as open as things were on Moco Space, there’s one of two reasons…or both that any one person would be on there, dope and/or women…and i had no idea that Moco was pretty much considered to be the lowest of low places that any girl could work from.

When i looked at his profile, it was under a 47 year old man and the profile was made around the time that he had left. So it kinda all added up. And he knew that i had moved to san Antonio. And supposively he had gotten a pic or something of me that i had given to someone, don’t even know if it was him or not…but whoever it was, if it was really him or someone acting like it was my son, put me through hell with blackmailing me…and for a week i had to deal with a this turnoil and freaking out every time my phone went off…and whoever it was couldn’t figure out what they wanted me to do as far as the blackmailing was concerned. And no i just refuse to get into all of that part. It was the most disgusting things that any one person could think of…..

…..well in between that, the girl i had came down here with was extorting me for $900 for some gun that ended up missing through out all my shit being stolen. She had told me that her dad bought her the gun. Come to find out by her dad, that he couldn’t get no gun, he had spent time, so there was no way he could’ve signed for any gun… Now this girl, whom i had called my daughter, was lying to me, had gotten $700 out of the $900 she was extorting me for…and as it seems…. had set me up from get go about all my shit just up and disappearing into thin air. And she was the only person that knew the situation about what happened with my son. So who knows, it could’ve been her acting like my son doing the blackmailing. ….

…..ALSO in between all of that stress…. some freaking dude with fucking shit brains for smarts had actually took off with my fucking top dentures. … God, i swear to y’all i can’t make this kind of shit up. I swear, there’s no way i can make this kind of shit up, i don’t think on these kinds of terms lol