Journal Entry January 2nd, 2021:…New Me

….New Me

Saturday, January 2, 2021
8:24 PM

This really this part is honestly on a spontaneous notion because honestly I just was done and I was going to end it with that. But I believe everybody needs to know exactly where I’m at right now. So with that here comes part two.

I’m going to touch base on some things and this will be the last of what I share of any part of my life to anybody but in order to really get what I’m trying to say I believe that I’m going to tell you how I got there.

So I mentioned that I took off and left the person December without anybody knowing. I experienced some things that were really traumatic by someone i had known for 15 years. I was already hitting rock bottom here in San Antonio, which I’m going to touch base on that minute. From everything I have gone through while being in San Antonio and then to add on top of that but I went through in December. That did something to me.

First of all, that person that everybody has witnessed but things is Michelle is NOT Michelle. I honestly don’t even know that person. What I know of that person you think his name is that person got hurt a lot that person got so hurt that and made her scared and made her skiddish, that person is very frightened person from the very good guy honestly. That fear and that hurt and everything that that person went through made her so scared that she became this monster because she was constantly fighting monsters.

What I am millionaires but I’m never thought I would have been counted when I left San Antonio I think it it’s almost like it scared me straight kind of thing it did something to me. My self value and my self worth has nothing to do with my donations it has nothing to do with money it has nothing to do with anything that any one of you men think it is.It really doesn’t. To experience worse where I went to film with that experience here with value and worth and good way I felt it was made to feel that I wasn’t Worthy and how that made me feel as a person of my own self, within my self. That was it, that I believe was it ended up being the Last straw. I’m telling you did something to me.

That transformation I had mentioned about in the first blog on the man feeling the feeling to you has about pain for services and continuing to see things and that perspective it brought out such an ugliness and such just the emphasis on the money is it does something the people that changes people in those like those those who are the most respectable in life are the most can be can be the most vile and it’s because of that the way things are seen and I am I’m I guess I just came to a point to where I saw something in somebody else’s friend and it scared me so bad I’m just not there no more.

Simply put I’m not here for anyone to put a value or Price tag or whatever you may feel on me that’s not what I’m here for. I’m also not here to put up with you anything tomorrow I’m not here to raise any more children or to raise animals that’s been catched up forever, and I’m really just not here for games. I’m not here to babysit men that are supposed to be grown adults.

There’s why a number of you who had contacted me throughout the month of December that just did not get a response back from me. If you choose to activate if you choose to be these ways if you’re looking to fight you won’t get it anymore and I’m done with it I’m not willing to be a willing participant into these kinds of movies anymore in these kinds of scenes I’m just not doing it. I’m simply not even there I’m really not

if you feel like it’s that important to me too I can ask act like a child or whatever it is you want to do then please by all means go right ahead. Do what you feel you’re going to do you need to do but I understand it’s just not going to happen I’m not writing it with you I’m not here to do that.

I’m not here to change or to be changed why would you want to change the qualities that in me that is enjoyable is what is fun. To be forced in any kind of situation or to have choice be taken away from somebody or to make feel like I have to make myself enjoy something or make myself do it and just swallow it no no not going to do it.

I will Express to everyone that there is no nothing I don’t feel nothing like that anymore there’s no malice there’s no anxiety there’s no there’s actually I believe I think I’ve come to identify it as to be a stillness within myself I’m I guess I’m really at peace I guess I’m really that done with things.