Today January 18th 2022 I turned 50 today. For anybody and everybody this is a great milestone. Now I fully understand why its such a mark in someone’s life. The body and the mind changes so drastically. You become more defined as you age like a smooth bourbon or wine. For me? Today marks something extra special.
Today….I LET GO!
Today I let go of all the guilt, Today I let go of all accountability that has been placed on me that’s NOT mine to be accountable for. Today I will NO longer be everyone’s scapegoat to blame for all their sins and misdeeds.
Today and every other day after today, I no longer am any and everybody doormat. Today and every other day after today I will not be manipulated into being brainwashed and made to think I’m crazy and need help to cover lies and deception of all others.
Today and every other day after today my voice WILL BE HEARD AND NOT EVER STOLEN AGAIN!
The other day I came to a realization that was earth shattering and totally mind blowing for me ..
For literally THE LAST 50 YEARS OF MY LIFE…MY WHOLE LIFE, STARTING WITH MY FAMILY AND GOING ALL THE WAY THROUGH 200 DIFFERENT MEN IN THE LAST 5 YEARS…ALL THE WAY THROUGH TO THE VERY LAST ONE…. TRISTEN…
I have been used as the scapegoat, used as a punching bag and THEN BLAMED FOR THEIR PUNCHES.
Starting with my mother and my family…when my adopted father…her husband’s family decided that I was good enough to molest starting at 7 years old. I WAS BLAMED FOR MY BEHAVIOR BECAUSE OF THE WAY I WAS BEING TREATED. To my mother I was just so terrible of a child she checked me out of school in the 10th grade and brought me to the coroner’s office to try to have me committed to an all girls school. Anytime in my life I was proud of myself, my family had to bring me down.
“you need help, you need to go counseling” EVEN PULLED OUT ” YOUR POSSESSED AND NEED TO GET AN EXCORISM” CARD!
Eleven years ago I was in Indiana and needed to come home. I called my mother. THE ONLY THAT SHE WOULD HELP ME TO GET HOME AND SEND ME $200 WAS BY AN ULTIMATUM..I HAD TO PROMISE HER THAT I WOULD GET AN EXCORISM…of which I had no choice…I promised
BUT SHE SENT ME THE $200 WITHOUT TELLING HER HUSBAND….that is NOT my fault she lied to her husband. And when I got home of course she works for the diocese for 17 years… When I finally talked to the priest he was already conditioned by her and he was a retired priest and I had to forgive everybody that I had already forgiven and I had to tell him all of my sexual partners from the age of 7 years old. PURE MANIPULATION.
We have NOT TALKED SINCE. As she puts it… I broke the promise I made… As my sister puts it… My sister had to pay the $200 I was supposed to pay when my dad found out that my mother lied to him… And as my brother puts it as of December 31st 2021…YOU ALWAYS SAY THAT .. even though we haven’t talked in 10 years….
There have been many over the last 5 years that have taken advantage of this situation as well as the situation surrounding my youngest son and I and having EXPLOITED these two situations in my life to the upmost extreme.
A few of those people include Tony Herrera, Tristan/Tristen Carmichael, Wesley Archuleta, Mike Brown just to name a few.
All using brainwashing tactics, manipulation as well as scripted setups to exploit this situation with my family.
As well as slandering and flaming my name throughout the community in the city to discredit me and my name.
Having spied on me through all my devices by cloning my devices getting into all of my accounts causing identity theft electronic harassment to terrorize taunt and torment and stalk me by.
My voice taken from me, NOT ONCE BEING ALLOWED TO DEFEND MYSELF TO SPEAK UP FOR MYSELF AGAINST ALL ABUSE THAT HAS BEEN DONE…..
I WILL SAY THIS MUCH…. I NEVER WAS BROKEN, BUT I WAS BRAINWASHED TO THE UTMOST EXTREME….
I AM NO LONGER BRAINWASHED AS I AM CLEAR AS A BILL AT EVERY TACTIC THAT WAS USED TO BRAINWASH ME BY…. AND FROM THIS DAY FORWARD I WILL NOT BE SILENCED ANY LONGER I WILL NOT HOLD GUILT TO THE NARCISSISTIC ABUSE THAT HAS BEEN DONE.
I WILL NO LONGER BE STANDING IN THE MIDDLE ARRANGING EVERYBODY’S OUTCOMES PROTECTING THOSE THAT HAVE BEEN INVOLVED.
MY VOICE WILL BE HEARD FROM THIS DAY FORWARD.
Today and every other day after today….me turning 50 is the line drawn in the sand to any kind of abuse or holding any guilt to the abuse and holding any accountability to any abuse.
Today and every other day after today…I WILL NOT BE SILENCED TO WHAT HAS BEEN DONE IN THE PAST NOR IN THE FUTURE.
******I WILL NOT LIVE THE REST OF MY LIFE TRYING TO PROVE MY WORTH TO THOSE WHO THEMSELVES ARE NOT WORTHY OF MY WORTH!!!!!******
Targeted: The New Modern Day Slavery 