It seems to happen when I’m mopping the floor, which is a weird change for me. As I am so used to things coming to me while I’m in the shower, usually followed by dropping to my knees from the sheer shock of whatever revelation has just hit me. This being the time of cleaning and purifying myself from negative residue from the day. Mopping the floor is something that I HAVE TO DO before I take my shower. It’s one of my several “symptoms” of the trauma that I now have to live with in my life. I don’t know to explain it, especially to those that have never experienced vertigo from Directed Energy Weapons being used on you before. Mopping the floor before I go to shower, in a twisted sense, gives me some peace of mind that when I get out of the shower that I won’t feel the floor shifting from under my feet again.
Journal entry Oct 4th 2022 time for self inventory
On Friday, September 30th was the BIG DAY! The day that I have been working really hard towards getting to an accomplishing, putting my all into myself… I think I want to say that word again…MYSELF!
Putting in the times the effort the blood sweat and tears for the first time in my whole life…FOR MYSELF!!! TO HEAL. Not just the last six years of moments, but from the last 50 years of my life.
All the realizations, it’s had learned each step of the human process and each phase of the abuse and the realization is coming from each step through this process things to happen as a child would come to me and I would go oh my God. I mean it comes out of nowhere, and it can be mopping or holding clothes or whatever Monday and stuff you’re doing in I don’t know where you just get blindsided and knocked completely down to your knees, finding yourself in a tornado and a hurricane of All these different swirling emotions. It’s like constantly what a bunch of bags you’re just one right after the other 15 at a time. There’s no why I’m a rhythm, I guess when your body is ready.
On those days getting through that is just the hardest thing to do and if you get through that then you made it. THAT DAYS JOB IS DONE!
That’s exactly what it is, it’s work it’s exhausting, it’s draining, it’s grueling. The pay? YOURSELF.
It’s now October 4th it’s been exactly 1 year 1 year ago I’ve got a phone call from Sam ministries my case manager. One year ago, saying that I was so close to death nobody will never know, which is probably close. No one, not even my abusers will know, umm NOT THAT THEY CARE Anyway. When you’re done, it was my case manager that saved my life.
Friday I signed the lease and the given the keys to MY HOME, THE FINAL STEP TO MY INDEPENDENCE OUT OF TRAFFICKING. I’m now set up for the rest of my life… This is MINE!
It goes way deeper than just my independence out of trafficking. For me, it wasn’t about learning how to live all over again, like it was as I was trying to heal from my youngest son being ripped away from me. It’s been about LEARNING HOW TO LIVE! THAT’S IT! There’s no “again’s” at the end of that.
The first 50 years of my life, I’ve lived “in the shadow of” … in this shadow of Celeste being her most shamed daughter. In the shadow of Celeste and her devil worshiping daughter. In the shadow of Bruce AND Celeste, in the shadow of all the last stations, living in the shadow of my biological father living in the shadow of my second husband was a pedophile to both his son and my oldest son living in his shadow of well just to make this short. Most recently living in the shadow of being a no good worthless whore, being forever marked but the scarlet letter
I’ve lived in the shadow of …
All the molestation’s, rapes, beatings, etc. carrying guilt that was not mine, holding accountability, carrying pain and heartache for things I never did. Carrying hurt from all the lies, slander defamation of my character and the lifelong brainwashing spiritual abuse etc.
This is the very first time in my life of learning how to live FOR MYSELF AND ONLY MYSELF!
As much as I have accomplished over this year, the of signing that lease having that key in my hand the accomplishment that came with it, the tears from all of it…not only is this the time for you to reflect but to take inventory as well.
This right here, “there is no benefit for me.”
Recently I started comparing abusive relationships or abuse to, I guess AA or NA. To explain what I mean, the withdrawals would not be from withdrawn from the abuse, but it would be withdrawing from the person that you fell in love with the person that you met you missed that person that doesn’t exist. That’s what the withdrawals would be from. Detoxing from abuse it’s pretty much just the same as detoxing from any drug or alcohol. Especially when the abuser pulls you back in.
So with this answer from the question that I had asked, July and August we had sex three times, so that was the pullback in. And it made me wonder what benefit was it for him. Because the third time he came by as soon as we were done, and he was getting dressed, and it was playing deal because you can tell while he was putting on his clothes that he made his exit strategy. And you know it can be denied whatever, but women know the exit strategy we know it, you know he’s not coming back in town he’s that whatever I mean just we know when it’s an exit strategy, and it’s usually right after the sex.
So his answer really did not hit me until Sunday on the 2nd when I got to thinking about it. That’s when I started asking myself “what benefits to me?” what is it about him that is beneficial to me? There’s absolutely no more sex because I mean he did his strategy the first of August. So there’s nothing about this person this so called whatever it is that it’s beneficial to me. And with this new move as a permanent move toward the rest of my life since there’s nothing beneficial FOR ME, there’s no reason to hang on anymore.
And when I was thinking out loud to myself, I caught myself for the first time ever when I asked what am I getting? What is it that I’m getting from this? That was huge because normally it’s me giving. And I didn’t even say that word giving. I’m the one always giving my all and then my all again. It’s never been about what I’m receiving. That needs to change. So that right there was huge for me.
I believe the only thing I feel at this moment is just being used, it’s a fucked up feeling.
Also, that same day, I woke up to a text from him saying man oh man. That is to pull me into the conversation, going “well what”. He said he had a dream about him, me and my mother. And basically what it boils down to is I just left in the apartment and him and another took a ride, and he is sucking on an orange popsicle and my mother took it from him and suck it up her coochie and that’s when he woke up, and I mean had the dream kept going on he wouldn’t know what he would have done, and I’m like you know what first of all that wouldn’t happen anyway because well you’re black, and I haven’t spoken with my mother in 10 years.
And he can say whatever but to conjure up that kind of whatever and to insult me that way. Oh, and all the excuses I don’t want to hear it
Because what it boils down to is I’m so tired of the indirect, direct insults. The little insults that sad and that you can wiggle out of oh I didn’t mean it like that or whatever, you know what, I’m just so tired of it.
And something else I got to thinking about, we always christened every place that stayed at. No, I can’t, I just can’t do it. I cannot put myself through any more of that pain and allow myself to open up this kind of feelings for him and watch him walk out again like it’s nothing. I can’t do it. And I won’t.
So I’ve decided that from now on I will be asking myself what is it about whatever it is that is beneficial to me positively. And I do believe that will help me throughout my hearing process.
There’s also something else that came to mind on Sunday night I was once told by a client “it’s opposite Day every day” this finally made sense to me about narcissist. Everything they say, they mean the opposite.
So to end this journal entry, first considering this is about me and my healing from now on it’s about, from now on not only do I need to ask myself when I’m giving away that I need to ask myself when am I getting what am I benefiting when is it that’s positive that’s beneficial to me and in my life.
And second, not only is this move marking the end of trafficking and the beginning of Independence out of it, that this also is a marking at the end of abuse.
These two things are HUGE!!
I will NOT be Silenced
Microsoft Visits May 1-14, 2022
Website, Firewall & Microsoft Problems, Sept 29, 2021 – May 14, 2022
May 2019
April 2019
March 2019
February 2019
January 2019
From November 9th back identity theft keeping me in electronic bondage gets worse continually all accounts REMOTE DESKTOP STALKING
- Usb internals: you must be version 2.0 class code 239 miscellaneous point number 32 vendor number 0x04 f2 product number 0x b490 device version 40.7.0 manufacturing number c h i c o n y electronics company limited product name HD webcam add to configuration one interface zero alternate zero class code 14 video blocked by web USB subclass 1 and 0.7 inbound USB transfer type interrupt packet size 0. There are 811 different alternates all of them invalid USB transfer ISO c hr o n o u s. Packet sizes are huge for alternate one is 192 in 0.1 and bound packet size 384 alternate 3 and bound end point 1 packet size 512 alternate four and one inbound packet size 640 alternate five inbound in point one packet size 800 alternate six end point one inbound packet size 944 alternate seven packet size 2688 alternate eight packets size 2848 alternate nine packets size 30-40 alternate 10 packet size 5056 and alternate 11 packets size 516…. SEE ATTACHMENT ONE
- 922 a.m. found my NFC contactless payment option again on on my phone that has been turned off and has been reformatted on airplane mode.
- USB internals best number one part number four vendor ID 0x8 087 product number 0x082A doesn’t give any money or factory numbers or names go to inspect it USB version 2.0.1 class code 224 wireless controller blocked by you web USB class 1 protocol 1 port number 4 vendor and product number I’ve already given device version 0.0.1 active configuration one configuration one is given an interface of zero alternate zero n point one is inbound USD transfer type interrupt packet size 64 in point two outbound USB transfer type bulk packet size 64 and 2 inbound USB transferred type bulk packet size 64 I’m not going to continue this this is obviously well outbound outbound see attachment 2
- FUN FACT 1 Mid January this year I caught on my screen and notifications stating a USB driver had attached since then I’ve had problems this has been the problem apparently the whole time I’ve been watched and controlled this way
- FUN FACT 2: Isaac Kirkwood contacted me Friday almost so we can go a guess I had changed my phone number my email and my cash app name. He sent me $40 full cash app without blinking and I and should have never known my information that gave himself away completely
- 7:23 a.m. public data check identity notification. I tried to log in find out my account is canceled due to the non-payment of $194 that I have not been able to get in any of my accounts to pay and everything’s been compromised so I can’t pay a damn thing
- 7:28 a.m. called public data check to find out the problem can’t pay it yet because I have to get off the phone try to log into my cash app account and get it unlocked
- 7:44 a.m. took a screenshot but did not have it because all of a sudden my whole window was shut down of several tabs but I’m about to catch the screenshot of the history Davis taken at 7:44 site not secure when I go to try to pay public data check
- 6:55 a.m. to 7:13 a.m. I’m trying to gather up the pictures and Google photos to put them in the November shared folder
- 6:32 a.m. to 6:44 a.m. I’m trying to add Tristan’s page and go into the targeted website to try to add these things
- 5:47 too 5:51 I’m on the missed website trying to copy and paste a copy did trust and page said that I can paste it on to the targeted page
- 5:43 to 5:47 I go into the server so that I can check the firewall from that server
- 5:35 too 5:43 I finally log into the dashboard to the main site of which I updated for plug-ins and logged into the server
- 5:33 a.m. I start and only got through to the state of a started trying to do a season letter online
- 5:24 a.m. to 5:32 a.m. I go to my Microsoft home account for Miss rogas and I start looking at the sign in as well as locations which isn’t being kept and history on which there have been some failed login attempts
- During this time I tried to authenticate through my last passive dedicator I get some strange notification something about too many attempts so I go and look at the log and I have an email to me that would be I think attachment three I guess log is showing several felt log in attempts and that tokens server is ahead of time a whole nine yards lots of errors there showing. Obviously someone has been getting into it because I’ve had my usernames in my Gmail erased out of my last pass manager password manager just different things sabotaged in my password manager
- Throughout the whole night I’ve been going from the plain top security firewall to trace my IP analytics to the second firewall to my photos to a time my accounts my devices and my Google accounts my activities and I’m also going through chrome URLs trying to look that over
- 247 a.m. I received a notification from Google search console saying that the homepage to Miss rogue is 403 error forbidden
- Well I’m thinking about it at 11:56 p.m. on the 8th my roommate walked out on my patio and found a snake on my patio.
November 8th
Example of Accountability
Since it seems like that no one has a clue what accountability really means. And considering that it seems like when I actually start going the fuck off when I’m finally pissed off enough that no one knows exactly why or thinks I have no reason to go off like I do. I’m giving a full example of exactly what I mean.
This example here is having to do with my air conditioner not working ever since I moved in my apartment 2 months ago. Especially being that I’m in full-fledged menopause and having hot flashes all the time and living in Texas I finally got fed up after many attempts of trying to get an arrangement for my air conditioner to be fixed.
So the other morning I got an email back from my apartment manager saying that my language was uncalled for. HUMPH!!!! LOL…
So I decided to sit down and take the time out to explain AS WELL AS TAKE ACCOUNTABILITY FOR MY BEHAVIORS…. Since it seemed like she had no idea why and was holding me accountable for my what seem to be to her my out of the blue uncalled for behavior. Needless to say by the time I was done with this email fully explaining their incompetence and unprofessionalism the answer I received back after my email was sent…..
Was a knock on my door from maintenance being happy to fix my air conditioner at that time.
Everybody needs to understand RIGHT HERE AND RIGHT NOW. . .I AM A VERY VERY PATIENT PERSON….WHEN I FINALLY HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF BULLSHIT AND I FINALLY GO THE FUCK LIVING OFF…. I HAVE A LONG LIST OF REASONS WHY AND IT’S JUST NOT OUT OF THE BLUE…ITS ONLY THAT I’VE BEEN THAT QUIET AND PATIENT FOR THAT LONG….
My behaviors DIRECTLY COME FROM AND HAVE EVERYTHING TO DO WITH THE STUPIDITY, INCOMPETENCE AND/OR ABUSE ON THE OTHER PERSON’S PART!!!!! My behaviors stems from the way i am treated. So with the line in the Sand that I drew the other day about my birthday and taking accountability for others actions here is a perfect example of what I’m talking about. Lol
noticed at the end of the email I state “thank you for your kind words but there were words with no meaning as you cannot possibly know and get my frustrations (IF SHE ACTUALLY DID UNDERSTAND MY AC WOULD’VE BEEN FIXED AND I CAN’T STAND “EMPTY WORDS”) as it seems to me that you did not understand you accountability on y’all’s part and thought there was no reason at all for me to be as upset as I am therefore I made sure to account for my to My reasonings of all of my actions of why I would be totally upset at this point”....HEHEHE I LOVE IT LMAO 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Today…The First Day of the Rest of My Life
Today January 18th 2022 I turned 50 today. For anybody and everybody this is a great milestone. Now I fully understand why its such a mark in someone’s life. The body and the mind changes so drastically. You become more defined as you age like a smooth bourbon or wine. For me? Today marks something extra special.
Today….I LET GO!
Today I let go of all the guilt, Today I let go of all accountability that has been placed on me that’s NOT mine to be accountable for. Today I will NO longer be everyone’s scapegoat to blame for all their sins and misdeeds.
Today and every other day after today, I no longer am any and everybody doormat. Today and every other day after today I will not be manipulated into being brainwashed and made to think I’m crazy and need help to cover lies and deception of all others.
Today and every other day after today my voice WILL BE HEARD AND NOT EVER STOLEN AGAIN!
The other day I came to a realization that was earth shattering and totally mind blowing for me ..
For literally THE LAST 50 YEARS OF MY LIFE…MY WHOLE LIFE, STARTING WITH MY FAMILY AND GOING ALL THE WAY THROUGH 200 DIFFERENT MEN IN THE LAST 5 YEARS…ALL THE WAY THROUGH TO THE VERY LAST ONE…. TRISTEN…
I have been used as the scapegoat, used as a punching bag and THEN BLAMED FOR THEIR PUNCHES.
Starting with my mother and my family…when my adopted father…her husband’s family decided that I was good enough to molest starting at 7 years old. I WAS BLAMED FOR MY BEHAVIOR BECAUSE OF THE WAY I WAS BEING TREATED. To my mother I was just so terrible of a child she checked me out of school in the 10th grade and brought me to the coroner’s office to try to have me committed to an all girls school. Anytime in my life I was proud of myself, my family had to bring me down.
“you need help, you need to go counseling” EVEN PULLED OUT ” YOUR POSSESSED AND NEED TO GET AN EXCORISM” CARD!
Eleven years ago I was in Indiana and needed to come home. I called my mother. THE ONLY THAT SHE WOULD HELP ME TO GET HOME AND SEND ME $200 WAS BY AN ULTIMATUM..I HAD TO PROMISE HER THAT I WOULD GET AN EXCORISM…of which I had no choice…I promised
BUT SHE SENT ME THE $200 WITHOUT TELLING HER HUSBAND….that is NOT my fault she lied to her husband. And when I got home of course she works for the diocese for 17 years… When I finally talked to the priest he was already conditioned by her and he was a retired priest and I had to forgive everybody that I had already forgiven and I had to tell him all of my sexual partners from the age of 7 years old. PURE MANIPULATION.
We have NOT TALKED SINCE. As she puts it… I broke the promise I made… As my sister puts it… My sister had to pay the $200 I was supposed to pay when my dad found out that my mother lied to him… And as my brother puts it as of December 31st 2021…YOU ALWAYS SAY THAT .. even though we haven’t talked in 10 years….
There have been many over the last 5 years that have taken advantage of this situation as well as the situation surrounding my youngest son and I and having EXPLOITED these two situations in my life to the upmost extreme.
A few of those people include Tony Herrera, Tristan/Tristen Carmichael, Wesley Archuleta, Mike Brown just to name a few.
All using brainwashing tactics, manipulation as well as scripted setups to exploit this situation with my family.
As well as slandering and flaming my name throughout the community in the city to discredit me and my name.
Having spied on me through all my devices by cloning my devices getting into all of my accounts causing identity theft electronic harassment to terrorize taunt and torment and stalk me by.
My voice taken from me, NOT ONCE BEING ALLOWED TO DEFEND MYSELF TO SPEAK UP FOR MYSELF AGAINST ALL ABUSE THAT HAS BEEN DONE…..
I WILL SAY THIS MUCH…. I NEVER WAS BROKEN, BUT I WAS BRAINWASHED TO THE UTMOST EXTREME….
I AM NO LONGER BRAINWASHED AS I AM CLEAR AS A BILL AT EVERY TACTIC THAT WAS USED TO BRAINWASH ME BY…. AND FROM THIS DAY FORWARD I WILL NOT BE SILENCED ANY LONGER I WILL NOT HOLD GUILT TO THE NARCISSISTIC ABUSE THAT HAS BEEN DONE.
I WILL NO LONGER BE STANDING IN THE MIDDLE ARRANGING EVERYBODY’S OUTCOMES PROTECTING THOSE THAT HAVE BEEN INVOLVED.
MY VOICE WILL BE HEARD FROM THIS DAY FORWARD.
Today and every other day after today….me turning 50 is the line drawn in the sand to any kind of abuse or holding any guilt to the abuse and holding any accountability to any abuse.
Today and every other day after today…I WILL NOT BE SILENCED TO WHAT HAS BEEN DONE IN THE PAST NOR IN THE FUTURE.
******I WILL NOT LIVE THE REST OF MY LIFE TRYING TO PROVE MY WORTH TO THOSE WHO THEMSELVES ARE NOT WORTHY OF MY WORTH!!!!!******
Brought In New Years 2022 W Henry Turner Jr & Friends @ Henry Turner Jr’s Listening Room Baton Rouge
Spending some time in my hometown of Baton Rouge with Henry Turner Jr and Friends for New Years 2022!!! Henry Turner Jr and I go back more than 25 years now. It’s been great to spend some time with him again!!!
Lisa Rocked the house with her voice!!! She vibrated the concrete outside!!!
https://www.facebook.com/henryturnerjr/videos/453654702989276/
https://www.facebook.com/henryturnerjr/videos/909876216394706
Christmas One Year Ago
December 24th, 2021: No matter what you are going through, No matter what the holidays are like for you….I learned this: BE BLESSED NO MATTER WHAT YOU HAVE OR DON’T HAVE! This experience sends shivers throughout my whole body and tears. JUST ONE YEAR AGO for me! sighs……Merry Christmas to ALL!!! Much Love, Michelle
Holidays 2: Christmas * MsRogueSA
Saturday, April 3, 2021
8:11 AM
Clipped from: https://msrogueofsa.net/holidays-2-christmas/
Sunday, January 10, 2021
12:49 PM
I got paid on the 1st the bus was leaving for Natchez at 1:00 in the morning, 12-hour trip. I ordered a Lyft and when it got into the left after putting everything in the lady looked at me right off the bat and said, “you’ve been dealing with a lot of spiritual warfare haven’t you? ” I looked at her and then I looked down, my voice got quiet, and I asked, “how did you know?” She says you can see it in your eyes you look tired, and I just started crying we have not even got another parking lot, yet I just started crying. I told her I said” 3 years ago very tired” IM VERY TIRED MA’AM, BUT I CAN’T STOP, IM NOT ALLOWED TO STOP”
So we got on the discussion of the world’s events today on the way to the bus station, she says “Ya know, the devil is trying to silence us” I said yes ma’am I surely do not do this I said I’ve been in that same position of being silenced 3 years now I know what it is it’s not what anybody expects its way worse than I’ve ever encountered and I’ve encountered quite a lot in my life about this”
We get to the bus station and she stops and she turns and looks at me she says keep fighting I said I can’t stop so we pray she prayed over me and she prayed for me and we prayed together. What’s yours in my eyes, I didn’t want to leave San Antonio at all I wasn’t comfortable with where I was going Cuz, I knew I’d be out in the country I just didn’t realize what I was about to embark upon next of course.
….. BUT HE SAID, I’D BE SAFE….
No one knew that I had left. I had stopped replying to people a couple of days before, I disappeared. Which in a way wasn’t good I mean people that I needed to know; they knew. So I got to Natchez Mississippi December 2nd same day I left. I wasn’t sure of myself wasn’t didn’t know how I was going to be didn’t know how I was going to react then I didn’t know anything I’ve been isolated so long that I knew I was going to be up against a whole lot of things that was not going to be comfortable for me.
Glynn knew I mean he had been seeing everything on my Facebook not to mention that I sat down on the phone with him and I told him I told him I was not ready for anything I was trying to get out of sex work and I did not want to have anything to do with sex and I just needed to get my life together and that I would pay him by rent and cleaning house by money with my check that I would not be able to pay him for about the month and money of December because well all these lip trips and everything they take on my money I had to buy new phone new company the whole nine yards I paid for the whole trip myself everything.
So I made sure he was aware of it all he knew I was not in my right frame of mind it was for his having sex I did not want to be touched at all.
I touched baton rouge soil for the first time in nine years. I went out the front door to the bus station to Florida boulevard smoked a cigarette and went right back in the bus station. Too many harsh memories, especially downtown baton rouge on Florida boulevard many years ago. I transferred in baton rouge that means I took my bags off the bus that I was on and I put them on the bus that was going to Natchez Mississippi I specifically put them in a spot they were there I saw them I put them there. I had bought a 36-in duffel bag with wheels. The duffel bag was almost as big as me.
So 86 MI less than an hour and a half later I get to Natchez. I grabbed my two bags but I realized the bag that I grabbed almost exactly like mine but one difference. This bag had a handle and mine didn’t. So, I tell the bus driver so she gets in touch with them, or the bag still can’t find them nowhere, so I started the bus station called a clean from my bag. This bag had my birth certificate social security cards all my clothes everything literally everything passwords everything all of it….. GONE…. LITERALLY ONE MORE TIME I WAS LEFT WITH THE CLOTHES ON MY FUCKING BACK!!!! THAT’S IT !!!! THE JACKET, PAIR OF PANTS, PANTIES, SHOES, BRA , SHIRT ….THAT’S IT!!!!
AS MUCH AS I TRIED TO HOLD DOWN A LITTLE BIT I’VE BEEN ABLE TO GAIN EVERY TIME I TURN AROUND SOMEBODY’S TAKING SOMETHING SOMEBODY’S STEALING SOMETHING IT JUST ALL OF A SUDDEN WHEN IT SHOULD HAVE NEVER DISAPPEARED IT JUST DISAPPEARS WITHOUT A TRACE. I mean in less than 2 hours how did my bag that’s almost as tall as me heavier than me just up and disappearing into the thin air and you need to know it’s never been found since. And it will never be found that was purposely taken for me I felt it I knew it there was no other way around it I knew it. the rest of the outfits what I had that was supposed to be special when I had gained from others giving me certain gifts. It’s all gone one more time smh.
At this point I just wanted to go wherever I was supposed to be ending up and just try to relax and go to sleep I have been fighting homelessness for more than 2 weeks hunger for about 2 weeks I was very tired I had been up more than 48 hours (about 2 days) straight, and I just needed sleep I just wanted to sleep it’s all I wanted.
I had to wait 2 hours before I could get picked up come to find out I didn’t even realize it was so damn tired I was 30 miles outside of Natchez. No internet connection. No nothing. And I mean my whole life my whole job everything has to do with everything I’ve ever done is it’s on the internet that’s approved workers that I need the Internet, so I just busted in his chairs, and I just went on the couch with my one bag my computer and I just went to sleep.
I was woken up to eat so I ate and went back to sleep I woke up again I think I asked if I have a room to go to Cuz, I know some couch. His son had picked me up so his son was living with me and it was his son that told me that when he tried to get me up to go to bed with him I said no I don’t sleep in the bed with men. So he directed me to my bedroom and that’s where I went back to sleep. For 28 hours total.
The next afternoon going to get home or evening rather all I know is that I was woke up about cleaning and I hadn’t done anything yet and I’m not going to be dominant in his house and I’m going to be submissive and I need to get my ass up and clean and all I can tell you is I was scared shitless to wear a pistol in the only pair of pants that I had. I did not know where none of that was coming from I don’t know how I was being dominant in his house I did not understand any of it I needed the rest I’ve been finding homelessness for two and a half two weeks or so or more you know the whole nine yards my whole body was just tired the whole stress of everything in November was terrible I just needed to rest you know but yet again I wasn’t allowed to. And he scared me at that point. I mean he’s 6’5 this is huge to this 4’10 woman I’ve already gone through so much trouble that he just scared me. He kept wanting to know what I have gone through so he could better understand he said well to make the long story short no it was all thrown my face.
A week into being there no clothes you find he’s got clothes from the ex or something that his that live there so he lets me use those until he wants head. Then all hell breaks loose.
You know I’m going to stop right here on that one I’m going to mention to you you know it’s all about the attitude from the man. When the man acts like an asshole there’s no way a woman’s going to want to fuck him at all and honestly speaking had this motherfucker came at me in a whole different way and let me rest, he would have gotten me what he wanted and a whole lot more. The fact of the matter that he made me feel like worse than what clients do and he treated me worse than what clients do it’s degrading it’s humiliating and I still don’t know what the fuck he meant about oh I’m not going to be dominant in his house no he wanted to show me who wanted to force dominance. That’s not dominance that’s abuse.
He something I was going to be like I was 15 years ago when I stayed with him for a couple months or so I don’t even remember 15 years ago that’s when I’m realized my memory of the stress and everything that the pressure your body can only take so much and that’s what I was telling everybody in the meantime all these years I don’t have a lot of my memory a lot of things I don’t remember and he’s getting pissy because his nuts are full….
So freaking pissy that his nuts were full that I got punished off the internet that night when he went to bed he took off the router turned it off I cannot advance and getting my life on track of the mess that other people has caused without fucking bowing down to him and that’s what it was about.
It was nothing but a roller coaster of hell I broke my letter knew that it was going to be worse I tried to comply to him I tried to explain to him something that he was not going to understand and he was going to take wrong and he did next thing I know he’s telling me to take only the clothes that I had on my back when I came there with and that I was going to be put out on the street.
THIRTY MILES OUT OF NATCHEZ.. 30 MILES AWAY FROM ANYTHING. HE TOLD ME TO ONLY LEAVE WITH THE CLOTHES I HAD ON MY BACK AND TO GET OUT. NO MONEY NO PERSONAL HYGIENE STUFF NO NOTHING ZERO…PUT OUT OR GET OUT.
A friend huh? SAFE huh????…. Yea HIS RENDITION OF SAFE..
I guess he considered that since no one else was coming in the door that yes, I’d be safe when he was the one that was the one, I had really had to worry about. I mean he scared me so bad I pissed in my pants, I would think that would tell somebody
Something, not him. I mean it was obvious to me that I was nothing but a worthless whore to him. I was trying to get out of work and I was being forced into it. To him I was a bitch in his house and I was going to fuck him and clean his house for him and his son.
After the degrading humiliating groveling shit that I’ve had to go through the last 3 years I cannot describe there’s no words there’s absolutely no fucking words ever to describe a motel manager calling me a bitch telling me I wasn’t worth respect I cannot describe what it feels like for a supposed friend to strip you of your dignity and tell you you’re not worth having clothes on your back just because you don’t feel comfortable at the moment to give up your fucking body for payment because I was in their house I was occupying space in that house I stayed in my room quiet and it hurt the fuck out of him that I took his internet and I occupied space in his house and because of that I owed him my body at any given time he pleased.
I’ll spare you the 18 hours’ worth of breaking me down to comply to him finally fucking. I’ve been told to make myself enjoy it to make myself do it because I was a whore anyways. He had asked me but what did you do with work I’m like mother fucker at least I got to choose the less vile ones this one here I didn’t get to choose. My choice taken away from me and my dignity stripped away from me all of it yet again just going stripped completely away from me.
What I will tell you this before he got home I had my bag packed, the only clothes came there with on my back, and I was out on the porch with the animals before he showed up from work I did not feel comfortable in this house he scared the shit out of me and I didn’t want to have nothing to do with him anymore.
The only way I was allowed to have my only room back, putting it bluntly. He made me kneel down in front of him in front of his chair telling me come show me come and show me what you’re talking about no what you did was in reality is he forcefully by punishing me by putting me out or telling me I was going to be put out 30 miles outside of town I had to bow down to him and rape my own fucking mouth Yes I’m going to say that again.
By punishing me from the internet and from allowing me to advance in my life of trying to fix every fucking account that everybody else has screwed up, stopping me from trying to fix all the shit that everybody has screwed up in my life, and Salvage whatever I could salvage that was left. And not to be put out on the middle of a country road not even where cars come by to where I can fucking hitchhike. I had to willingly kneel down in front of him cower down, bow down and rape my own fucking mouth so that I could go back to my room.
I I can tell you, he shouldn’t have didn’t get the oil specialist experience he sure in the hell made me sick in the stomach I got up I wanted to throw up just I wanted to throw up in his lap I got up to pick my bags up on it and speaking word to me afterwards I laid down he came in the room and he asked me if I wanted something to eat how could he is all I could fucking think. It disgusted me.
After that I couldn’t look him in the eye again at all I look down I never looked at him I wouldn’t I couldn’t I avoided him and all cost as much as I could. I was cordial but I stayed away from him.
Well, few days goes by here it is on faced with it again. This time though, there is no way in hell I was already being punished again, internet gone again. Comes in my room saying I just broke up with someone I need some pussy no I don’t think so nah not me I’m not your emotional baggage mother fucker no I’m not here for that understand that’s not what I was there for that’s not safe to me that is not anything of the way I feel comfortable with any of it. He kept telling me he wasn’t submissive that I was submissive and I was going to be dominant in his house and I don’t know what the fuck kind of idea he has about dominant and submissive but that is not clearly if that is not it forcing someone to make someone to tell someone make yourself do it and make yourself like it is not being lifestyle I promise you.
“I’M NOT LIKE THOSE OTHER PEOPLE”……
YOU’RE RIGHT… YOU’RE WORSE…
EVERY FREAKING MAN THAT STARTS TO SAY THAT ONE SENTENCE TO ME…. AND I KNOW ABOUT WHEN IT’S ABOUT TO COME OUT THEIR MOUTHS AND I CAN MIMIC KNOWING EXACTLY WHEN THAT ONE SENTENCE IS GOING TO BE SAID….THAT’S HOW WELL I KNOW WHEN THAT SENTENCE IS WILL BE SAID TO ME…. ITS BEEN LITERALLY EVERY MAN SAYING THAT ONE SENTENCE…. PERSONALLY SPEAKING I CAN’T FIGURE OUT WHAT MAKES ME MONSTER DIFFERENT FROM THE OTHER ONE THEY ALL LIKE THE SAME I CAN’T TELL ANYONE FROM THE OTHER BLUE EYES GREEN EYES GRAY HAIR BLACK HAIR IT DON’T MATTER WHEN YOU’RE A MONSTER YOU’RE A MONSTER YOU GOT TO ACT DIFFERENTLY TO NOT BE A MONSTER RIGHT???
AND EVERY FREAKING TIME, IM SHOWN NO DIFFERENT.. JUST ANOTHER MONSTER, THAT’S ALL….. JUST ANOTHER MONSTER TO ME.
And to think I hadn’t even gotten to the best part yet.
He did not want my money that I got in the first paying rent that told me even my money was whore to him. It was stained dirty money to him anyways no matter what. He was only going to take my body for payment and personally speaking I was used to being out in the cold and being homeless at this point I have been huddled up at the dairy Queen on Culebra being homeless during the night I was okay with being outside with the animals. I’ve been treated like an animal for three fucking years, so you know, it was no different just I didn’t have a choice between the lesser of the Viles at the moment, that was the only difference to me.
You know I don’t get it, he kept telling me he wasn’t going to take my shit I don’t know what shit that I was giving him I stay quiet I clean I’m not going to sit and be somebody’s subservient and be their maid and be their slave no not after the way I’ve been treated for 3 years no I’m not I’m not going to do that. I mean I kept the bathroom clean because when I clean when I took my shower I cleaned the bathroom and the toilet and everything when I was in there. the kitchen got cleaned I was not going to go in deep clean when I’ve got shit in my own life that I’ve had to pick up because the other people digging in my fucking all my accounts screwing my life up so and he didn’t even care that I was trying to get my identity back after having my identity struck away from me knowing that I don’t even have a birth certificate no more none that mattered to him none of my life mattered to anybody matter of fact….just me…
I can’t tell you how difficult this is for me to go over these details, but you know you need to know this because people keep telling me it’s my reality so I’m going to bring my reality to the forefront it’s time.
Here is exactly what I’m going to tell each and every one of you and I don’t care whether you like it or not it doesn’t matter to me.
WHEN YOU ARE CONSTANTLY STRENGTH OF YOUR DIGNITY YOUR PRIDE TOLD YOU’RE NOT WORTH ANYTHING SHOWN YOU’RE NOT WORTH ANYTHING AND TOLD YOUR VALUE IS SHITY AND YOU’RE NOT WORTH IT NOTHING IN YOUR VALUE IS NOTHING TO EVERYONE JUST BECAUSE YOU’RE A WHORE
YOU WILL FIGHT TILL THE END OF FUCKING TIME TO CLING ON AND TO KEEP YOUR OWN SELF-VALUE AND YOUR OWN SELF-WORTH AND I’LL BE GOD DAMNED IF ANYBODY WAS GOING TO TAKE THAT SHIT FROM ME….
THAT BLOOD DOWN MOTHERFUCKER WITH AND GETTING SHIT FROM ME IS FUCKING VILE AS HE WAS TREATING ME SO …
I DENIED HIM AND I BRACED MYSELF FOR THE WRATH THAT WAS COMING TO ME BECAUSE I SAID THE WORD NO!
It makes me wonder, did anybody catch that????
It’s happened all my life it’s happened put the three years that I’ve been working
I know I know what happens when you say no to a man you get punished for it you feel the wrath from that word no I thought I had choice about my body I never have I’m a woman though.
This was an older house which meant there was gas furnaces that you had to light in each room my room didn’t have one and because eating in electricity and everything kept being thrown up in my face I just closed my door stayed in the dark and didn’t have heat covered up in extra blankets and stayed cold. I mean for real I didn’t want to run up any electricity and stuff or eat anything because well I didn’t have any money to pay for it and quite honestly I was trying to get out from being a whore and the more I tried not to be a whore the more I was forced to be a whore and that just was worse than anything I could ever explain.
So that was on a Sunday. For Monday, things were VERY somber. His son and I both avoided each other. I stayed in my room and Lord knows I didn’t know what was about to come but it was going to come. I had blocked Glenn off my phone because well I didn’t I just couldn’t deal with it after everything I have gone through no so I didn’t hear from him all day Monday. I happened to be outside smoking a cigarette when he walked up. And all I had to do was make the mistake and be in his presence and barely say hello to him. Of course not wanting to disrespect him in his house I mean as it was to him I disrespected him when he triggered me one time. He wanted me out right then there I was getting up and there was no tomorrow about it I went to the room I went inside I went to the room he told me well if you’re not going to suck dick then I had some cleaning for you to do why didn’t you answer us so I never got the phone call or the text why didn’t you leave a message on the table this morning? He said well I told Jason to tell you I said Jason never said one word to me. I had BOTH, my brand new tablet and my brand new phone in my hands he grabbed my brand new tablet threatening to smash my brand new tablet on the floor. I have just lost everything the only time I have any to any of the world to try to get my life together was my electronics brand new stuff brand new that one more time some man was going to destroy for me. All because they didn’t get what they wanted of course he I want to grab for it and still having it in his hand he pushed me but my head back but this time I had pissed everywhere I pissed all over the bed I pissed every fucking wear screaming in fear fucking screaming because don’t destroy my things screaming because stops just screaming because of it all.
He grabbed my duffle bag I went to grab it because well I’m trying to grab and grab a hold of my whole life my whole life is that one fucking bag you understand that my whole life I have just fucking lost that one Got damn bag is all I got left of my whole life!!!! Of course, he rips it to wear well I got to spend more money of course replacing somebody else’s bullshit that they’ve done to me, making me pay for whatever it is that men want me to pay for and whatever way it is that I’m paying for it don’t matter which what way that fucking shit is I’m still paying.
He said you’re leaving bitch you’re leaving tonight. It wouldn’t even let me stay until I got my paycheck I occupied a space in his fucking house and he didn’t like I,
Until I got my paycheck I occupied a space in his fucking house and he didn’t like it all because I said no. And now you wonder why….
I can’t begin to express being stripped of dignity by being made to take off the clothes I was wearing and him watch me pack so I would not steal any of the clothes he let me use to put on my back you have no idea what it feels like to be stripped of the clothes off your fucking back because you would not fucking be a whore. I can’t tell you God damn what it feels like to have men strange men look at me like the motel calling me a bitch and this one that was supposed to be my friend.
He threw in my face go worship you and your horn God. Spatting out blasphemy at me, after I had told him then I had to be going through spiritual warfare and spiritual abuse. HE SPAT BLASPHEMY AT ME… Oh it hadn’t even started yet
Tells me that he was going to get me a motel room for the night before I opened my mouth but now I was going to be left on the side of the road.
So now stripped of the clothes off my back, I carried my broken back in my computer to the truck needless to say his he had his son come with us just in case I said it he went to hurt me.
So here’s the psychological part of what he did and he knew what he was doing because he just mentioned that he was going to put me on the side of the road. So it was definitely conscious.
Instead of putting me somewhere safe he goes to a friend’s now I’m in the middle of freaking the fuck out scared out of my mind you have no idea but I’m about to show you anyways his friend has got some trailer that has electricity no water filthy as shit it’s just a trailer that’s just there okay it’s just it’s broken into every window is been broken into everyone who was broke just shit trailer for shit literally… WITH FIVE RATS… ONE OF THEM THE SIZE OF A CAT
So he Parks I don’t know he’s on the phone he’s saying something about shelter this and I mean like he waits I mean just the audacity now he wants to try to find me somewhere to go no that was a slap in my face. And here’s one for you I hate when men ask me this shit, WHAT DO YOU THINK I SHOULD DO WITH YOU.
Ummm ummm ummm I’m stuttering I can’t answer that motherfucking question. I don’t even know how I have nothing to say I’m blank why? Here’s why…. Seems like everybody is boss in my life around the last 3 years seems like everybody knows what to do with my life and fuck up my life and do whatever they want to do in my life why do does anybody ask me what the fuck I want to do or what I like or don’t like or whatever because nobody gives a shit and everybody has say so in my life but me that’s why. .
Why would you even bother asking me what I like or what I want or what anything because well I mean I don’t have any say so in my life I haven’t for a long time seriously that was just nothing but a slap in my face and another fucking insult.
I don’t know somewhere along the line I heard something about dropping me off on the side of the road and no water I I couldn’t process anything I’m in a state in a town I don’t know anybody but him I don’t know where I’m at I don’t know anything I’m a sex worker that’s trying to get out and there’s no telling what can happen to me I can disappear and die any fucking time.
The psychological fucking all this I’m a whore that was trying to not be a whore that got fucking punished for not being a whore that now can’t take a whore bath. No water.
So wait a minute you mean to tell me you him call me a whore and tell me I’m worthless because I am a whore but then yet when I try to get the fuck out I get treated 100 times worse by a supposed friend no doubt.
If you ever wanted to see what TRUE TERROR really looks like I dad take a picture of it and I didn’t take video more audio of the fear that I had been dropped off someone I didn’t know I didn’t know where I was at true terror, very truth terror in the very true sense.
What TRUE TERROR Looks Like
What TRUE TERROR Sounds Like
So I ended up being dropped off on the side of the road somewhere and I just with some guy in some motel that look like that was a crack motel and a time that hadn’t been cleaned in forever and to end it all on Batman he bought food for me but would not give me a roof over my head the two weeks that I was there until I got paid. All this was by December 14th 2 weeks just two fucking weeks. That night The stranger I was dropped off at in this strange town not knowing anybody was watching crime shows of women disappearing being raped and never found again.
Now I’m a sex worker who’s in a strange town don’t know anybody just dropped off at some strange man’s motel room don’t know where I’m at I know I could disappear at any time and never be found again I’ve just had a supposed friend just more or less tell me I’m a whore that don’t deserve a whore bath. The psychological is astounding.
Here is what safe meant to him, I didn’t disgrace myself again, he didn’t get his dick wet, SOOO I didn’t deserve a home, water, ….I DIDN’T EVEN CLOTHES ON MY FUCKING BACK!!! THIS IS MODERN DAY SLAVERY AT IT’S FINEST!!!! ….. And why should I even give a fuck about anyone else’s life, when you don’t give a fuck about mine??? My life is dispensable to you, then so is yours. This is what I mean. I don’t feel anything anymore. I don’t have a fucking bit of sympathy for anyone anymore. Don’t come to me looking for sympathy or anything else, I don’t have it, I can’t feel a fucking thing anymore for anyone. Don’t care, Cuz you don’t. Plain and simple
Well, thank God this guy ended up being a gentleman and homeless for 4 years he survived dumpster diving and I was able to interact with him better than I do regular feelings he had problems as well he heard voices and he said some things that were very similar to my gang stalking situation and that in South freaked me out when I looked at him you know it took a few days but he took care of me. When he went dumpster diving he found some clothes for me to wear when I had one they found a pair of shoes for me to wear when I had none.
For Christmas it was this guy Jack and me in this godforsaken trailer would fight rats no water and both of us trying to keep warm he had found some eggs and we had made eggs scrambled eggs for Christmas morning. It was by the grace of God that I got the screen in I wanted to see me that day that I answered he went ahead and sent the $25 in and we were able to at least get a pack of cigarettes each a drink each and held on for a couple of dollars for the next day.
We didn’t have a Christmas meal per se. We split 4 eggs between each other for our Christmas meal. Two homeless people, thrown away people that society has deemed to be unworthy. We found worthiness within each other. He’s about the only person on this in Natchez. He never once made an advancement toward me not once. And God did I so appreciate that so much. He respected me when nobody else did, this homeless guy respected me. Instead of taking from me which there was nothing left to take he gave to me even when he didn’t have anything he still gave to me to help me.
He said to me baby I cannot believe that somebody would just do that to another human being. I said even though it’s supposed to friend I wasn’t looked at as a human being I was looked at as a worthless whore who didn’t deserve anything. He said that’s not true you’re pretty girl and you seem to be very nice.
I must tell you that right before I got my money to buy the ticket back to San Antonio, he became very protective of me, and I so appreciated that. He wanted to make sure that I was not going to have my money stolen from me and that I was going to get on the bus safe I can say few do that these days. Majority of the people these days just want to take and take and take and steal and degrade you and everything else and it don’t and it don’t matter who you are.
Throughout all of this I have learned it don’t matter whether a name knows if you work or not any woman is looked at as a whore and not respected.
So what men have taught me is that all women are whores and its all about the “class of whore” a woman is. The highest whore being the wife, anything below that class gets treated very vile. The less than an disrespect the woman the more viable he’ll treat her and THAT YES I HAVE BEEN TAUGHT EXACTLY WHERE THE FUCK MY PLACE IS… OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN!!!!
Holidays 2: Christmas * MsRogueSA
Saturday, April 3, 2021
8:11 AM
Clipped from: https://msrogueofsa.net/holidays-2-christmas/
Sunday, January 10, 2021
12:49 PM
I got paid on the 1st the bus was leaving for Natchez at 1:00 in the morning, 12-hour trip. I ordered a Lyft and when it got into the left after putting everything in the lady looked at me right off the bat and said, “you’ve been dealing with a lot of spiritual warfare haven’t you? ” I looked at her and then I looked down, my voice got quiet, and I asked, “how did you know?” She says you can see it in your eyes you look tired, and I just started crying we have not even got another parking lot, yet I just started crying. I told her I said” 3 years ago very tired” IM VERY TIRED MA’AM, BUT I CAN’T STOP, IM NOT ALLOWED TO STOP”
So we got on the discussion of the world’s events today on the way to the bus station, she says “Ya know, the devil is trying to silence us” I said yes ma’am I surely do not do this I said I’ve been in that same position of being silenced 3 years now I know what it is it’s not what anybody expects its way worse than I’ve ever encountered and I’ve encountered quite a lot in my life about this”
We get to the bus station and she stops and she turns and looks at me she says keep fighting I said I can’t stop so we pray she prayed over me and she prayed for me and we prayed together. What’s yours in my eyes, I didn’t want to leave San Antonio at all I wasn’t comfortable with where I was going Cuz, I knew I’d be out in the country I just didn’t realize what I was about to embark upon next of course.
….. BUT HE SAID, I’D BE SAFE….
No one knew that I had left. I had stopped replying to people a couple of days before, I disappeared. Which in a way wasn’t good I mean people that I needed to know; they knew. So I got to Natchez Mississippi December 2nd same day I left. I wasn’t sure of myself wasn’t didn’t know how I was going to be didn’t know how I was going to react then I didn’t know anything I’ve been isolated so long that I knew I was going to be up against a whole lot of things that was not going to be comfortable for me.
Glynn knew I mean he had been seeing everything on my Facebook not to mention that I sat down on the phone with him and I told him I told him I was not ready for anything I was trying to get out of sex work and I did not want to have anything to do with sex and I just needed to get my life together and that I would pay him by rent and cleaning house by money with my check that I would not be able to pay him for about the month and money of December because well all these lip trips and everything they take on my money I had to buy new phone new company the whole nine yards I paid for the whole trip myself everything.
So I made sure he was aware of it all he knew I was not in my right frame of mind it was for his having sex I did not want to be touched at all.
I touched baton rouge soil for the first time in nine years. I went out the front door to the bus station to Florida boulevard smoked a cigarette and went right back in the bus station. Too many harsh memories, especially downtown baton rouge on Florida boulevard many years ago. I transferred in baton rouge that means I took my bags off the bus that I was on and I put them on the bus that was going to Natchez Mississippi I specifically put them in a spot they were there I saw them I put them there. I had bought a 36-in duffel bag with wheels. The duffel bag was almost as big as me.
So 86 MI less than an hour and a half later I get to Natchez. I grabbed my two bags but I realized the bag that I grabbed almost exactly like mine but one difference. This bag had a handle and mine didn’t. So, I tell the bus driver so she gets in touch with them, or the bag still can’t find them nowhere, so I started the bus station called a clean from my bag. This bag had my birth certificate social security cards all my clothes everything literally everything passwords everything all of it….. GONE…. LITERALLY ONE MORE TIME I WAS LEFT WITH THE CLOTHES ON MY FUCKING BACK!!!! THAT’S IT !!!! THE JACKET, PAIR OF PANTS, PANTIES, SHOES, BRA , SHIRT ….THAT’S IT!!!!
AS MUCH AS I TRIED TO HOLD DOWN A LITTLE BIT I’VE BEEN ABLE TO GAIN EVERY TIME I TURN AROUND SOMEBODY’S TAKING SOMETHING SOMEBODY’S STEALING SOMETHING IT JUST ALL OF A SUDDEN WHEN IT SHOULD HAVE NEVER DISAPPEARED IT JUST DISAPPEARS WITHOUT A TRACE. I mean in less than 2 hours how did my bag that’s almost as tall as me heavier than me just up and disappearing into the thin air and you need to know it’s never been found since. And it will never be found that was purposely taken for me I felt it I knew it there was no other way around it I knew it. the rest of the outfits what I had that was supposed to be special when I had gained from others giving me certain gifts. It’s all gone one more time smh.
At this point I just wanted to go wherever I was supposed to be ending up and just try to relax and go to sleep I have been fighting homelessness for more than 2 weeks hunger for about 2 weeks I was very tired I had been up more than 48 hours (about 2 days) straight, and I just needed sleep I just wanted to sleep it’s all I wanted.
I had to wait 2 hours before I could get picked up come to find out I didn’t even realize it was so damn tired I was 30 miles outside of Natchez. No internet connection. No nothing. And I mean my whole life my whole job everything has to do with everything I’ve ever done is it’s on the internet that’s approved workers that I need the Internet, so I just busted in his chairs, and I just went on the couch with my one bag my computer and I just went to sleep.
I was woken up to eat so I ate and went back to sleep I woke up again I think I asked if I have a room to go to Cuz, I know some couch. His son had picked me up so his son was living with me and it was his son that told me that when he tried to get me up to go to bed with him I said no I don’t sleep in the bed with men. So he directed me to my bedroom and that’s where I went back to sleep. For 28 hours total.
The next afternoon going to get home or evening rather all I know is that I was woke up about cleaning and I hadn’t done anything yet and I’m not going to be dominant in his house and I’m going to be submissive and I need to get my ass up and clean and all I can tell you is I was scared shitless to wear a pistol in the only pair of pants that I had. I did not know where none of that was coming from I don’t know how I was being dominant in his house I did not understand any of it I needed the rest I’ve been finding homelessness for two and a half two weeks or so or more you know the whole nine yards my whole body was just tired the whole stress of everything in November was terrible I just needed to rest you know but yet again I wasn’t allowed to. And he scared me at that point. I mean he’s 6’5 this is huge to this 4’10 woman I’ve already gone through so much trouble that he just scared me. He kept wanting to know what I have gone through so he could better understand he said well to make the long story short no it was all thrown my face.
A week into being there no clothes you find he’s got clothes from the ex or something that his that live there so he lets me use those until he wants head. Then all hell breaks loose.
You know I’m going to stop right here on that one I’m going to mention to you you know it’s all about the attitude from the man. When the man acts like an asshole there’s no way a woman’s going to want to fuck him at all and honestly speaking had this motherfucker came at me in a whole different way and let me rest, he would have gotten me what he wanted and a whole lot more. The fact of the matter that he made me feel like worse than what clients do and he treated me worse than what clients do it’s degrading it’s humiliating and I still don’t know what the fuck he meant about oh I’m not going to be dominant in his house no he wanted to show me who wanted to force dominance. That’s not dominance that’s abuse.
He something I was going to be like I was 15 years ago when I stayed with him for a couple months or so I don’t even remember 15 years ago that’s when I’m realized my memory of the stress and everything that the pressure your body can only take so much and that’s what I was telling everybody in the meantime all these years I don’t have a lot of my memory a lot of things I don’t remember and he’s getting pissy because his nuts are full….
So freaking pissy that his nuts were full that I got punished off the internet that night when he went to bed he took off the router turned it off I cannot advance and getting my life on track of the mess that other people has caused without fucking bowing down to him and that’s what it was about.
It was nothing but a roller coaster of hell I broke my letter knew that it was going to be worse I tried to comply to him I tried to explain to him something that he was not going to understand and he was going to take wrong and he did next thing I know he’s telling me to take only the clothes that I had on my back when I came there with and that I was going to be put out on the street.
THIRTY MILES OUT OF NATCHEZ.. 30 MILES AWAY FROM ANYTHING. HE TOLD ME TO ONLY LEAVE WITH THE CLOTHES I HAD ON MY BACK AND TO GET OUT. NO MONEY NO PERSONAL HYGIENE STUFF NO NOTHING ZERO…PUT OUT OR GET OUT.
A friend huh? SAFE huh????…. Yea HIS RENDITION OF SAFE..
I guess he considered that since no one else was coming in the door that yes, I’d be safe when he was the one that was the one, I had really had to worry about. I mean he scared me so bad I pissed in my pants, I would think that would tell somebody
Something, not him. I mean it was obvious to me that I was nothing but a worthless whore to him. I was trying to get out of work and I was being forced into it. To him I was a bitch in his house and I was going to fuck him and clean his house for him and his son.
After the degrading humiliating groveling shit that I’ve had to go through the last 3 years I cannot describe there’s no words there’s absolutely no fucking words ever to describe a motel manager calling me a bitch telling me I wasn’t worth respect I cannot describe what it feels like for a supposed friend to strip you of your dignity and tell you you’re not worth having clothes on your back just because you don’t feel comfortable at the moment to give up your fucking body for payment because I was in their house I was occupying space in that house I stayed in my room quiet and it hurt the fuck out of him that I took his internet and I occupied space in his house and because of that I owed him my body at any given time he pleased.
I’ll spare you the 18 hours’ worth of breaking me down to comply to him finally fucking. I’ve been told to make myself enjoy it to make myself do it because I was a whore anyways. He had asked me but what did you do with work I’m like mother fucker at least I got to choose the less vile ones this one here I didn’t get to choose. My choice taken away from me and my dignity stripped away from me all of it yet again just going stripped completely away from me.
What I will tell you this before he got home I had my bag packed, the only clothes came there with on my back, and I was out on the porch with the animals before he showed up from work I did not feel comfortable in this house he scared the shit out of me and I didn’t want to have nothing to do with him anymore.
The only way I was allowed to have my only room back, putting it bluntly. He made me kneel down in front of him in front of his chair telling me come show me come and show me what you’re talking about no what you did was in reality is he forcefully by punishing me by putting me out or telling me I was going to be put out 30 miles outside of town I had to bow down to him and rape my own fucking mouth Yes I’m going to say that again.
By punishing me from the internet and from allowing me to advance in my life of trying to fix every fucking account that everybody else has screwed up, stopping me from trying to fix all the shit that everybody has screwed up in my life, and Salvage whatever I could salvage that was left. And not to be put out on the middle of a country road not even where cars come by to where I can fucking hitchhike. I had to willingly kneel down in front of him cower down, bow down and rape my own fucking mouth so that I could go back to my room.
I I can tell you, he shouldn’t have didn’t get the oil specialist experience he sure in the hell made me sick in the stomach I got up I wanted to throw up just I wanted to throw up in his lap I got up to pick my bags up on it and speaking word to me afterwards I laid down he came in the room and he asked me if I wanted something to eat how could he is all I could fucking think. It disgusted me.
After that I couldn’t look him in the eye again at all I look down I never looked at him I wouldn’t I couldn’t I avoided him and all cost as much as I could. I was cordial but I stayed away from him.
Well, few days goes by here it is on faced with it again. This time though, there is no way in hell I was already being punished again, internet gone again. Comes in my room saying I just broke up with someone I need some pussy no I don’t think so nah not me I’m not your emotional baggage mother fucker no I’m not here for that understand that’s not what I was there for that’s not safe to me that is not anything of the way I feel comfortable with any of it. He kept telling me he wasn’t submissive that I was submissive and I was going to be dominant in his house and I don’t know what the fuck kind of idea he has about dominant and submissive but that is not clearly if that is not it forcing someone to make someone to tell someone make yourself do it and make yourself like it is not being lifestyle I promise you.
“I’M NOT LIKE THOSE OTHER PEOPLE”……
YOU’RE RIGHT… YOU’RE WORSE…
EVERY FREAKING MAN THAT STARTS TO SAY THAT ONE SENTENCE TO ME…. AND I KNOW ABOUT WHEN IT’S ABOUT TO COME OUT THEIR MOUTHS AND I CAN MIMIC KNOWING EXACTLY WHEN THAT ONE SENTENCE IS GOING TO BE SAID….THAT’S HOW WELL I KNOW WHEN THAT SENTENCE IS WILL BE SAID TO ME…. ITS BEEN LITERALLY EVERY MAN SAYING THAT ONE SENTENCE…. PERSONALLY SPEAKING I CAN’T FIGURE OUT WHAT MAKES ME MONSTER DIFFERENT FROM THE OTHER ONE THEY ALL LIKE THE SAME I CAN’T TELL ANYONE FROM THE OTHER BLUE EYES GREEN EYES GRAY HAIR BLACK HAIR IT DON’T MATTER WHEN YOU’RE A MONSTER YOU’RE A MONSTER YOU GOT TO ACT DIFFERENTLY TO NOT BE A MONSTER RIGHT???
AND EVERY FREAKING TIME, IM SHOWN NO DIFFERENT.. JUST ANOTHER MONSTER, THAT’S ALL….. JUST ANOTHER MONSTER TO ME.
And to think I hadn’t even gotten to the best part yet.
He did not want my money that I got in the first paying rent that told me even my money was whore to him. It was stained dirty money to him anyways no matter what. He was only going to take my body for payment and personally speaking I was used to being out in the cold and being homeless at this point I have been huddled up at the dairy Queen on Culebra being homeless during the night I was okay with being outside with the animals. I’ve been treated like an animal for three fucking years, so you know, it was no different just I didn’t have a choice between the lesser of the Viles at the moment, that was the only difference to me.
You know I don’t get it, he kept telling me he wasn’t going to take my shit I don’t know what shit that I was giving him I stay quiet I clean I’m not going to sit and be somebody’s subservient and be their maid and be their slave no not after the way I’ve been treated for 3 years no I’m not I’m not going to do that. I mean I kept the bathroom clean because when I clean when I took my shower I cleaned the bathroom and the toilet and everything when I was in there. the kitchen got cleaned I was not going to go in deep clean when I’ve got shit in my own life that I’ve had to pick up because the other people digging in my fucking all my accounts screwing my life up so and he didn’t even care that I was trying to get my identity back after having my identity struck away from me knowing that I don’t even have a birth certificate no more none that mattered to him none of my life mattered to anybody matter of fact….just me…
I can’t tell you how difficult this is for me to go over these details, but you know you need to know this because people keep telling me it’s my reality so I’m going to bring my reality to the forefront it’s time.
Here is exactly what I’m going to tell each and every one of you and I don’t care whether you like it or not it doesn’t matter to me.
WHEN YOU ARE CONSTANTLY STRENGTH OF YOUR DIGNITY YOUR PRIDE TOLD YOU’RE NOT WORTH ANYTHING SHOWN YOU’RE NOT WORTH ANYTHING AND TOLD YOUR VALUE IS SHITY AND YOU’RE NOT WORTH IT NOTHING IN YOUR VALUE IS NOTHING TO EVERYONE JUST BECAUSE YOU’RE A WHORE
YOU WILL FIGHT TILL THE END OF FUCKING TIME TO CLING ON AND TO KEEP YOUR OWN SELF-VALUE AND YOUR OWN SELF-WORTH AND I’LL BE GOD DAMNED IF ANYBODY WAS GOING TO TAKE THAT SHIT FROM ME….
THAT BLOOD DOWN MOTHERFUCKER WITH AND GETTING SHIT FROM ME IS FUCKING VILE AS HE WAS TREATING ME SO …
I DENIED HIM AND I BRACED MYSELF FOR THE WRATH THAT WAS COMING TO ME BECAUSE I SAID THE WORD NO!
It makes me wonder, did anybody catch that????
It’s happened all my life it’s happened put the three years that I’ve been working
I know I know what happens when you say no to a man you get punished for it you feel the wrath from that word no I thought I had choice about my body I never have I’m a woman though.
This was an older house which meant there was gas furnaces that you had to light in each room my room didn’t have one and because eating in electricity and everything kept being thrown up in my face I just closed my door stayed in the dark and didn’t have heat covered up in extra blankets and stayed cold. I mean for real I didn’t want to run up any electricity and stuff or eat anything because well I didn’t have any money to pay for it and quite honestly I was trying to get out from being a whore and the more I tried not to be a whore the more I was forced to be a whore and that just was worse than anything I could ever explain.
So that was on a Sunday. For Monday, things were VERY somber. His son and I both avoided each other. I stayed in my room and Lord knows I didn’t know what was about to come but it was going to come. I had blocked Glenn off my phone because well I didn’t I just couldn’t deal with it after everything I have gone through no so I didn’t hear from him all day Monday. I happened to be outside smoking a cigarette when he walked up. And all I had to do was make the mistake and be in his presence and barely say hello to him. Of course not wanting to disrespect him in his house I mean as it was to him I disrespected him when he triggered me one time. He wanted me out right then there I was getting up and there was no tomorrow about it I went to the room I went inside I went to the room he told me well if you’re not going to suck dick then I had some cleaning for you to do why didn’t you answer us so I never got the phone call or the text why didn’t you leave a message on the table this morning? He said well I told Jason to tell you I said Jason never said one word to me. I had BOTH, my brand new tablet and my brand new phone in my hands he grabbed my brand new tablet threatening to smash my brand new tablet on the floor. I have just lost everything the only time I have any to any of the world to try to get my life together was my electronics brand new stuff brand new that one more time some man was going to destroy for me. All because they didn’t get what they wanted of course he I want to grab for it and still having it in his hand he pushed me but my head back but this time I had pissed everywhere I pissed all over the bed I pissed every fucking wear screaming in fear fucking screaming because don’t destroy my things screaming because stops just screaming because of it all.
He grabbed my duffle bag I went to grab it because well I’m trying to grab and grab a hold of my whole life my whole life is that one fucking bag you understand that my whole life I have just fucking lost that one Got damn bag is all I got left of my whole life!!!! Of course, he rips it to wear well I got to spend more money of course replacing somebody else’s bullshit that they’ve done to me, making me pay for whatever it is that men want me to pay for and whatever way it is that I’m paying for it don’t matter which what way that fucking shit is I’m still paying.
He said you’re leaving bitch you’re leaving tonight. It wouldn’t even let me stay until I got my paycheck I occupied a space in his fucking house and he didn’t like I,
Until I got my paycheck I occupied a space in his fucking house and he didn’t like it all because I said no. And now you wonder why….
I can’t begin to express being stripped of dignity by being made to take off the clothes I was wearing and him watch me pack so I would not steal any of the clothes he let me use to put on my back you have no idea what it feels like to be stripped of the clothes off your fucking back because you would not fucking be a whore. I can’t tell you God damn what it feels like to have men strange men look at me like the motel calling me a bitch and this one that was supposed to be my friend.
He threw in my face go worship you and your horn God. Spatting out blasphemy at me, after I had told him then I had to be going through spiritual warfare and spiritual abuse. HE SPAT BLASPHEMY AT ME… Oh it hadn’t even started yet
Tells me that he was going to get me a motel room for the night before I opened my mouth but now I was going to be left on the side of the road.
So now stripped of the clothes off my back, I carried my broken back in my computer to the truck needless to say his he had his son come with us just in case I said it he went to hurt me.
So here’s the psychological part of what he did and he knew what he was doing because he just mentioned that he was going to put me on the side of the road. So it was definitely conscious.
Instead of putting me somewhere safe he goes to a friend’s now I’m in the middle of freaking the fuck out scared out of my mind you have no idea but I’m about to show you anyways his friend has got some trailer that has electricity no water filthy as shit it’s just a trailer that’s just there okay it’s just it’s broken into every window is been broken into everyone who was broke just shit trailer for shit literally… WITH FIVE RATS… ONE OF THEM THE SIZE OF A CAT
So he Parks I don’t know he’s on the phone he’s saying something about shelter this and I mean like he waits I mean just the audacity now he wants to try to find me somewhere to go no that was a slap in my face. And here’s one for you I hate when men ask me this shit, WHAT DO YOU THINK I SHOULD DO WITH YOU.
Ummm ummm ummm I’m stuttering I can’t answer that motherfucking question. I don’t even know how I have nothing to say I’m blank why? Here’s why…. Seems like everybody is boss in my life around the last 3 years seems like everybody knows what to do with my life and fuck up my life and do whatever they want to do in my life why do does anybody ask me what the fuck I want to do or what I like or don’t like or whatever because nobody gives a shit and everybody has say so in my life but me that’s why. .
Why would you even bother asking me what I like or what I want or what anything because well I mean I don’t have any say so in my life I haven’t for a long time seriously that was just nothing but a slap in my face and another fucking insult.
I don’t know somewhere along the line I heard something about dropping me off on the side of the road and no water I I couldn’t process anything I’m in a state in a town I don’t know anybody but him I don’t know where I’m at I don’t know anything I’m a sex worker that’s trying to get out and there’s no telling what can happen to me I can disappear and die any fucking time.
The psychological fucking all this I’m a whore that was trying to not be a whore that got fucking punished for not being a whore that now can’t take a whore bath. No water.
So wait a minute you mean to tell me you him call me a whore and tell me I’m worthless because I am a whore but then yet when I try to get the fuck out I get treated 100 times worse by a supposed friend no doubt.
If you ever wanted to see what TRUE TERROR really looks like I dad take a picture of it and I didn’t take video more audio of the fear that I had been dropped off someone I didn’t know I didn’t know where I was at true terror, very truth terror in the very true sense.
What TRUE TERROR Looks Like
So I ended up being dropped off on the side of the road somewhere and I just with some guy in some motel that look like that was a crack motel and a time that hadn’t been cleaned in forever and to end it all on Batman he bought food for me but would not give me a roof over my head the two weeks that I was there until I got paid. All this was by December 14th 2 weeks just two fucking weeks. That night The stranger I was dropped off at in this strange town not knowing anybody was watching crime shows of women disappearing being raped and never found again.
Now I’m a sex worker who’s in a strange town don’t know anybody just dropped off at some strange man’s motel room don’t know where I’m at I know I could disappear at any time and never be found again I’ve just had a supposed friend just more or less tell me I’m a whore that don’t deserve a whore bath. The psychological is astounding.
Here is what safe meant to him, I didn’t disgrace myself again, he didn’t get his dick wet, SOOO I didn’t deserve a home, water, ….I DIDN’T EVEN CLOTHES ON MY FUCKING BACK!!! THIS IS MODERN DAY SLAVERY AT IT’S FINEST!!!! ….. And why should I even give a fuck about anyone else’s life, when you don’t give a fuck about mine??? My life is dispensable to you, then so is yours. This is what I mean. I don’t feel anything anymore. I don’t have a fucking bit of sympathy for anyone anymore. Don’t come to me looking for sympathy or anything else, I don’t have it, I can’t feel a fucking thing anymore for anyone. Don’t care, Cuz you don’t. Plain and simple
Well, thank God this guy ended up being a gentleman and homeless for 4 years he survived dumpster diving and I was able to interact with him better than I do regular feelings he had problems as well he heard voices and he said some things that were very similar to my gang stalking situation and that in South freaked me out when I looked at him you know it took a few days but he took care of me. When he went dumpster diving he found some clothes for me to wear when I had one they found a pair of shoes for me to wear when I had none.
For Christmas it was this guy Jack and me in this godforsaken trailer would fight rats no water and both of us trying to keep warm he had found some eggs and we had made eggs scrambled eggs for Christmas morning. It was by the grace of God that I got the screen in I wanted to see me that day that I answered he went ahead and sent the $25 in and we were able to at least get a pack of cigarettes each a drink each and held on for a couple of dollars for the next day.
We didn’t have a Christmas meal per se. We split 4 eggs between each other for our Christmas meal. Two homeless people, thrown away people that society has deemed to be unworthy. We found worthiness within each other. He’s about the only person on this in Natchez. He never once made an advancement toward me not once. And God did I so appreciate that so much. He respected me when nobody else did, this homeless guy respected me. Instead of taking from me which there was nothing left to take he gave to me even when he didn’t have anything he still gave to me to help me.
He said to me baby I cannot believe that somebody would just do that to another human being. I said even though it’s supposed to friend I wasn’t looked at as a human being I was looked at as a worthless whore who didn’t deserve anything. He said that’s not true you’re pretty girl and you seem to be very nice.
I must tell you that right before I got my money to buy the ticket back to San Antonio, he became very protective of me, and I so appreciated that. He wanted to make sure that I was not going to have my money stolen from me and that I was going to get on the bus safe I can say few do that these days. Majority of the people these days just want to take and take and take and steal and degrade you and everything else and it don’t and it don’t matter who you are.
Throughout all of this I have learned it don’t matter whether a name knows if you work or not any woman is looked at as a whore and not respected.
So what men have taught me is that all women are whores and its all about the “class of whore” a woman is. The highest whore being the wife, anything below that class gets treated very vile. The less than an disrespect the woman the more viable he’ll treat her and THAT YES I HAVE BEEN TAUGHT EXACTLY WHERE THE FUCK MY PLACE IS… OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN!!!!
Chainless Slaves Trauma Programming Chapter 45: Trauma Bonding
Abandonment and trauma are at the core of programming. Abandonment causes deep shame and fear that it will occur again. Abandonment by betrayal is worse than neglect. Betrayal is purposeful and self-serving. If severe enough, it is traumatic. What moves betrayal into the realm of trauma is fear and terror. If the trauma wound is deep enough and the terror immense enough, the system will shutout healthy attempts to engage it. The system elevates into a distress state, never safe, waiting to be damage again.
What should occur during trauma bonding is a highly addictive attachment to the individuals who have traumatized the subjects. The subjects should blame themselves, their defects, their failed efforts. This bonding should cause the subjects to distrust their own judgment, to distort their own realities so much, the subjects can place themselves at more risk.
The programmer’s relationship with the subject should create trauma bonds. The bonds should initially be created physically. Forced sex should be used with the subject.
The programmer should ask the following questions of the subject during intercourse:
- Do you like it?
- Can I cum inside of you?
- What do you like?
- How does it feel?
The programmer should not be concerned if the subject does not respond, or responds with a negative answer. If the response is silence or in the negative the programmer should respect the subject’s request.
The subject will eventually respond in the positive. The programmer is encouraged to give the subject power positions during forced sex. The programmer is not to kiss the subject on their lips during this time. Kissing should be limited to, neck, ears, shoulders and chest area.
Once subject responds in the positive to all of the above questions the subject can begin bonding with other subjects. (If Beta programming is occurring subject should be versed in the first 45 sexual positions after this bond)
All bonding must be on going.
A number of signs exist to note that a bond has been created. Programmers must note the presence of these bonds, date they were observed, how they were formed and subject response.
Listed below are some of the signs of successful trauma bonding
Everyone around the subject is having negative reactions the subject is covering up, defending, or explaining the relationship. (Test for loyalty to programmer)
The subject obsesses about showing someone they are wrong about the abuse, their relationship, or heir treatment of the subject. (Loyalty to programmer)
Subject obsess about individuals who have hurt them they are long gone. (Silence programming must be engaged)
Others are horrified by something that has happened to the subject and the subject isn’t. (Denial programming must be engaged)
The subject feels loyal to the programmer even though the subject harbours secrets that are damaging to the programmer.
Subject continues to seek contact with individuals that will cause further pain. (Call back programming)
The subject is attracted to “dangerous” individuals.
Subject stay in a relationship longer than they should.
The subject moves closer to an individual who is destructive with the desire of converting them to a non-abuser.
Subject will go “overboard” to help individuals who have been destructive to them.
The subject cannot detach from an individual even though the subject does not trust, like or care for the individual.
Subject continues to be a team member when obviously things are becoming destructive.
The subject misses a relationship to the point of nostalgia and longing and the relationship was detrimental almost destroying the subject.
The subject keeps secret the individual’s destructive behaviour because of all of the good they have done or the importance of their position or career.
Subject continues attempts to get individuals to like them who are clearly using them.
Subject trust individuals again and again who are proven to be unreliable.
Subject tries to be understood by those who clearly do not care.
Subject chooses to stay in conflict with others when it would cost them nothing to walk away.
Subject is loyal to individuals who have betrayed them.
Subject attracts untrustworthy individuals.
Subject continues contact with an abuser who acknowledges no responsibility.
When there is a constant pattern of non-performance in a relationship, subject continues to expect individual to follow through anyway.
Subjects feel loyal to programmer even though they harbour secrets that are damaging to others.
Does abuser’s talents, charisma, or contributions cause subject to overlook destructive, exploitive, or degrading acts.
The subject is attracted to “dangerous” individuals.
Subject stay in a relationship longer than they should
When Dealing With Stockholm Syndrome and/or Trauma Programming It is important to be able to notice the patterns
okay so Just start explaining how this works, Tristan has been the only thing consistent in my life for 4 years. Over the past 4 years little by little in the beginning it wasn’t recognizable until all of a sudden I realized I was totally isolated. Tristan has been my only contact to the outside world at all on a daily basis consistently for 4 years. When I met him I would see him on a weekly basis, once a week. That’s it once a week sexually. Then we started progressing and we moved on to being personal. When we started doing that I would we would go like one week he would pay for my time and then the next was on a personal level. And to know that I had boundaries when it came to work that I wouldn’t do at all workwise that was kept for personal. That was Greek. When I decided to become fully personal with him that’s what I did and he knew it. He knew that was the that was the cutoff when it came to work and that I wasn’t going to be with anybody else personally.
over time the relationship should have progressed. It never did. It stayed on a once a week pattern that became very ritualistic. As a submissive/ as a slave I gave it all to him. No matter what it was. I say that because I started drinking urine for him In 2018. In BDSM becoming his urinal for him When he came over once a week every week. Daily I would speak to him by text only. I never have spoken to him on the phone.
I also gave him my life Literally 4 times in 9ne session. Let me explain that.
I had my chain dog leash hanging up with a dog choker He came in one day, I was in slave position kneeling as usual. When he came in he grabbed the dog choker and he grabbed the leash. You put the choker around my neck and he hung the leash on the top of the closet door. And he had told me to suck his dick as He moved away from me. Not being able to suck his dick because he was too far from me I choked my own self out. To the point of where I had pissed all over the floor. I woke up He didn’t wake me up. He thought I came. I DIDN’T. I CHOKED MYSELF OUT SO MUCH I ACTUALLY HUNG MYSELF FOR HIM…. FOUR TIMES IN THAT ONE DAY.. THERE WERE NEVER ANY CHAIN MARKS AROUND MY THROAT.
as a submissive, as a slave in BDSM that bonded me right there for life. THAT WAS IT, I GAVE MY LIFE TO HIM… FOUR TIMES!
When it came to work There we’re times that That I didn’t have any customers for 2 weeks at a time. That meant no human contact at all for 2 weeks. It was so important for me to have clients come by just for the human connection. It was never ever about the money. IT WAS ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS ABOUT ABOUT HAVING HUMAN CONTACT AND NOT BEING ISOLATED.
So in order for me to have any human connection besides him technically I guess I was doing something illegal JUST TO BE ABLE TO HAVE HUMAN CONNECTION.
Then.. THAT STOPPED!
That meant that I started going hungry, i couldn’t the FOUR THOUSAND DOLLARS A MONTH IN BILLS THAT I HAD ALL FOR WORK. That meant that I started getting on Twitter begging and pleading, humiliating myself groveling And being humiliated.. . I couldn’t buy my needs, go to the doctor, get my glasses. NOTHING
Most importantly, I couldn’t have the human connection that I needed as a human being. I was living in very inhumane conditions. NEEDING HUMAN CONTACT.
sexually, I was loyal to Tristan. By the way I was treated with work, It was a turn-off. I couldn’t masturbate anymore because of what I went through with that trauma The only way I can have an orgasm was AND IS by Tristen.
So there’s no masturbating for me there’s no none of that for me. That’s been gone a long long time ago. I became solely dependent sexually on Tristan to be able to have any kind of orgasm or any kind of release or any kind of stress release or anything that I felt comfortable with. That knew how to get me off. That was it.
April of last year Even though I had given my life to him professing my submission to him personally is something that is a slave is very deep for a slave. So whether there was a collar or not the loyalty is deep. The changes that go on in the slave’s body when totally submitting everything to someone is everything these meaningful the whole is the changes in the brain the whole nine yards.
before I actually gave my submission I had asked if there was anything he wanted. It was as a token to say thank you for all the patience through all that I have been going through.
His words “burying you sounds like fun.”
And before that he had been talking about water submission. Drowning me.
Now I’m about to give my everything and profess my whole total submission to him. These scary things is what I hear is on preparing myself to give my total submission.
let me make this clear, I’M LEAVING EVERYTHING VULNERABLE AND GIVING HIM EVERYTHING AND HE SAYS HE WANTS TO BURY ME.
When it comes to our conversations it’s one-sided. I confide my everything into him literally everything. And I know nothing in return about him. I asked him what your favorite color? his answer, I don’t have one. I asked What is your type of woman? any type. What’s Your favorite football team? Whoever is playing. What’s your favorite beer. Any other day he takes me around and around and he tells me the beers he doesn’t like. Michelob, Busch etc etc. But he doesn’t tell me the brand He likes. Then he finally answers me, cold beer. I know nothing at all about him He’s never taking me out of my room Never done anything with me personally on a personal level.
So confiding in him now brings up the feelings of my vulnerabilities and it scares the shit out of me after I end up realizing that I’ve done confessed my fears into him. I freak out afterwards. Because he implanted fear in me right before I went to completely submit to him. I don’t trust him because I don’t know him at all. BUT YET I’M COMPLETELY BONDED TO HIM. BUT YET I’M COMPLETELY DEPENDING ON HIM SEXUALLY. BUT YET I’M COMPLETELY LOYAL TO HIM NO MATTER WHAT.
And if I try to stay away from him, I’m also scared. I’m scared of the isolation, I’m scared of the abandonment. I’m scared of him abandoning me. Then I find myself going back to him. Out of not speaking to anybody at all. Out of fear for everything.
Feelings of Unworthiness, Giving my life and never being able to make him happy, never being able to please him.
And the way I was treated with work, I was depending on him to treat me better than work
But yet nothing changes.
Then the ultimate happens …
July of last year, there was so much confusion with everybody’s who everybody was and what it was going on with me and trying to feel safe with just ONE PERSON was important. so with me never knowing anything about him yes I wanted to see his ID. But what he did was is come in throw $80 down on my counter. made me feel like him is buying me instead of trying to help me. We got back and forth He pulls his wallet out acting like he’s going to show me his ID. Puts it back in and walks out the door. so I follow him out the door. Apparently he doesn’t want me to see what he’s driving or something So he comes back in and I follow him into my apartment. In between all this he throws me up against the refrigerator and puts his hand around my throat. At the end of everything, He pulls his dick out and he guides my head to him Of course I want him, I’m bonded to him sexually. I’m bonded to him in every way. As soon as I go all the way down on him He takes his hand and he holds my head there He takes his dick up and he smeares it all in my face. He puts it back in his pants He grabs it and tells me, see it still gets hard for you. The walks out the door.
He disgraces me in my home, He uses his dick as a tool to dirty what I love doing. Within that one act, The amount of damage that was done is unexplainable.
But yet I FORGAVE HIM, right!!!
January 1st And 2nd of this year, I’m excited to see him after being in Natchez Mississippi for the month and being made to rape my own mouth by a supposed friend and then put out on the street and Natchez because I wouldn’t do it a second time. Tells me not to be in submission position stripping my identity away from me. He then comes in the door pisses down my throat and then says oh I forgot the condom and walks out. Giving me the feeling of that’s all I’m worth. Then comes back puts the condom on and fucks me. While laying there he finally admits he was trying to sever the Dom/sub relationship in July. And then walks out.
still nothing changes. Still I forgive him. Still who doesn’t see what he’s done.
still I tried to leave, And still I become afraid. Afraid of being alone, afraid of being abandoned. Afraid. Afraid of everything so I continue to go back.
But every time that I try to leave, the backlash becomes worse. Every time that I try and confide in him, my fears, I One more time to come vulnerable realize how vulnerable I put myself in and then I become afraid that I just confided my fears into my attacker.
Feelings of Fear of Abandonment
Guilt and then hope
Submission
Feelings of unworthiness, put off, hurt from whom i’m bonded to, whom i depend on sexually.
In conclusion
When looking at all the stages I go through and that I’m put through. And looking at the above of information on PROGRAMMING trauma bonding they are synonymous making this Stockholm Syndrome.
these are also narcissistic signs and patterns as well.
And being that he’s been the only consistent thing in my life the ups and downs that he has caused over the time shows me that he is the actual trauma programmer. Without others that have been involved been in circling the main one. Which is also known as flying monkeys in narcissism.
Also looking into the occult and The occult abuse that I have been through seeing him once a week was on a ritualistic basis. Ive also learned that urine, scat and insects or also a part of occult rituals. Now whether these are meant to be that or not I will never know. But because of the fear that I’ve had and the things that have happened that he had done. It was only leave me to be in fear of those things being of occult nature. Because there has been no showing of emotion empathy real remorse these things turned from kink to fear of the occult.
Chainless Slaves Trauma Programming Chapter 38: Double Meaning Word List
I am working on “Getting into the mind of the attacker: Psychological Programming” Right now i am working on key words that were used on me and i wanted to embed this list in that blog with the way I’m trying to present this blog. This list is taken directly the book Chainless Slaves Trauma Programming that’s embedded above
38: Double Meaning Word List
Programmers will use words with double meaning (homograph) during programming to reinforce programming in day to day living. This use of double meaning insures programming remains intact with day to day interactions. The individual speaking to the subject will be unaware they are reinforcing programming.
The use of double meanings during programming will also lead to confusion within the system as some parts will respond to one meaning and others to the second meaning.
Homophones may also be used in programming, but are more difficult to layer in.
Aught: All, or nothing
Bill: A payment, or an invoice for payment
Bolt: To secure, or to flee
Bound: Heading to a destination, or restrained from movement
Buckle: To connect, or to break or collapse
Bank – money storage and river bank
Ball- round object and dance
Bat – flying animal and used in bat
Bear- to carry and a furry animal
Box- container and fist fight
Bright- smart and giving off light
Cleave: To adhere, or to separate
Clip: To fasten, or detach
Consult: To offer advice, or to obtain it
Continue: To keep doing an action, or to suspend an action
Coat- layer of paint or heavy jacket
Custom: A common practice, or a special treatment
Dike: A wall to prevent flooding, or a ditch
Discursive: Moving in an orderly fashion among topics, or proceeding aimlessly in adiscussion
Dollop: A large amount (British English), or a small amount
Dust: To add fine particles, or to remove them
Deck- a pack of cards and the ship’s deck
Duck- quacking animal and to move down
Enjoin: To impose, or to prohibit
Fast: Quick, or stuck or made stable
Fine: Excellent, or acceptable or good enough
Finished: Completed, or ended or destroyed
First degree: Most severe in the case of a murder charge, or least severe in referenceto a burn
Fix: To repair, or to castrate
Flog: To promote persistently, or to criticize or beat
Fly- type of insect and to move through air
Foot – body part and measuring device
Garnish: To furnish, as with food preparation, or to take away, as with wages
Give out: To provide, or to stop because of a lack of supply
Go: To proceed or succeed, or to weaken or fail
Grade: A degree of slope, or a horizontal line or position
Handicap: An advantage provided to ensure equality, or a disadvantage that preventsequal achievement
Head- boss and body part
Help: To assist, or to prevent or (in negative constructions) restrain
Hold up: To support, or to impede
Lease: To offer property for rent, or to hold such property
Left: Remained, or departed
Let: Allowed, or hindered
Liege: A feudal lord or a vassal
Literally: Actually, or virtually
Light- something shining and something not heavy
Mean: Average or stingy or excellent
Model: An exemplar, or a copy
Mean- average, to imply, and be unkind
Might- power or stating a possibility
Note- short letter and musical note
Off: Deactivated, or activated, as an alarm
Out: Visible, as with stars showing in the sky, or invisible, in reference to lightsOut of: Outside, or inside, as in working out of a specific office
Overlook: To supervise, or to neglect
Oversight: Monitoring, or failing to oversee
Peer: A person of the nobility, or an equal
Presently: Now, or soon
Put out: Extinguish, or generate
Puzzle: A problem, or to solve one
Pound- unit of currency, a weight, a lost dog’s home, and to hit with force
Punch- fruit flavoured drink or to hit with fist
Quantum: Significantly large, or a minuscule part
Quite: Rather (as a qualifying modifier), or completely
Race- group of people and a competition
Ravel: To entangle, or to disentangle
Refrain: To desist from doing something, or to repeat
Rent: To purchase use of something, or to sell useRing- circular object and a bell
Rock: An immobile mass of stone or sway back and forth.
Sanction: To approve, or to boycott
Sanguine: Confidently cheerful, or bloodthirsty
Scan: To peruse, or to glance
Screen: To present, or to conceal
Seed: To sow seeds, or to shed or remove them.Shop: To patronize a business in order to purchase something, or to sell something
Skin: To cover, or to remove
Skinned: Covered with skin, or with the skin removed
Splice: To join, or to separate
Staff- employee and walking stick
State- an area and to say clearly
Stakeholder: One who has a stake in an enterprise, or a bystander who holds thestake for those placing a bet
Strike: To hit, or to miss in an attempt to hit
Shade- area with no sun, tint/ colour
Sink- no float and where you wash hands
Stick- part of tree or to cling on
Table: To propose (in British English), or to set aside
Temper: To soften, or to strengthen
Throw out: To dispose of, or to present for consideration
Transparent: Invisible, or obvious
Trim: To decorate, or to remove excess from
Trip: A journey, or a stumble
Tick- a parasite and the noise of a clock
Trunk- of a tree and a suitcaseTrip- vacation / stumble and fall
Unbending: Rigid, or relaxing
Variety: A particular type, or many types
Wear: To endure, or to deteriorate
Weather: To withstand, or to wear away
Wind up: To end, or to start up
With: Alongside, or against
Yard- a measurement or back garden
Looking Into Trauma
One can not begin to imagine what it REALLY feels like to have completely have your privacy taken away from you, until you find yourself no longer having any kind of privacy at all. We don’t ever think about the things that we may say or do while we are at our most relaxed & comfy of times. You don’t realize just how much we tell of what we are doing by the sounds that we don’t ever pay attention to, because for one… There shouldn’t be… And wouldn’t be a thought of when you place your fork back down on your plate or a cough that tells of what part of your home that you are in or like when we are just talking outloud…. Thinking outloud… That we speaking our most private thoughts outloud thinking there’s no chance of anyone knowing your frustrations or whatever… Especially for us women that seem to find refuge in the bathroom to shed a few tears and then quickly wash our face, coming out looking like strongest Queen’s around to our kids and loved ones.
Or .. what about when you sniffle real quick, or crack your fingers, or even change positions while you are asleep.
What about your MOST INTIMATE PRIVATE MOMENTS .. like burping, picking your nose, farting, grunting while taking a shit, sticking a tampon in if your a woman. What about when you’re masterbating, having sex with your partner or just a hook up???
We never ever REALLY put thought into the sounds of all the things that are around us, that can tell on us. Because sound IS EVERYWHERE. We are used to these sounds that are made…. We take our Privacy soooo for granted… UNTIL. .. and we NEVER think about the sounds that are being made… UNTIL….
…. Until all of a sudden one day weird things start happening, icons on your screen to your laptop or whatever device starts disappearing… THEN REAPPEARING….You freak out…. But it’s an isolated incendent so you think no more of it… UNTIL…
…. Until all of a sudden things in your house IS NOT where they are supposed to be. And YOU KNOW that not a chance in the world that there’s been no one else in your home… BUT … DO YOU REALLY KNOW THIS????
That’s when you start thinking back to other little “strange, unexplainable” occurrences happened.
Like the time you went to go pay rent, leaving the last $20 in your wallet, CONSCIOUSLY thinking you had enough of what was in your hand to pay your rent. And then after going to the office finding out that you were actually short. So, you go back to your apartment, unlock the door like it’s nothing. Go to your wallet to get that $20 bill out THAT YOU KNOW YOU HAD AND KNOW WHERE YOU PUT IT… Only TO FIND THAT ITS NOT THERE. Therefore, your short on your rent now. What are you going to do now? You just had it, but where did it go???? You begin to become frantic, spinning in circles. Just think of what we do when we can’t seem to find out keys….
Then… THEN… You find things broken. Your knick knacks broken in half, or marks on your closet door, or black marks INSIDE YOUR TOLIET BOWL…. Or a gash in your door.
Do you know? Can you begin to describe to someone these things that are happening in your home .. YOUR HOME???! What would you say to your friend? How would you put it? Because it sounds like you are imagining things, your tired, you put whatever in a different spot .. OR… You were sleep walking.
Can you imagine the emotions that would be going through you? What would you feel?????
Maybe a sense of loss of control? Would you be panicking? What about a sense of loss of SAFETY… SECURITY??? A sense of FEAR? But just how much fear would you possibly feel? What about a sense of desperation????
Then.. THEN, your finding videos of your phone in your cloud that is unexplainable. 15 second’s here, 28 second’s there… All of them screen recordings of your phone flipping through your app. Or your screen just sitting there and you can hear that your off doing something else, the dishes for example. Or talking to maintenance about fixing your shower. The more you look, you begin to find these unexplained screen recordings that are 8 minutes long, 22 minutes long, 30 minutes long .. and then ..
HOLY SHIT, dropping your jaw .. FINDING ONE THAT IS FOUR AND HALF HOURS LONG!!!
Just exactly what did you do in that four and half hours. So kinda freaked out and scared you hit the play button… SIX MINUTES INTO THE 4 1/2 HOUR RECORDING… YOU HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
What would you do at that point??? How would you react???? WHAT WOULD YOU DO??? Would your skin start to crawl? Would you throw up??? If standing would you instantly fall to your knees???
The next time you go to masterbate, pulling out THAT SAME VIBRATOR, would you stop? Would it hit you all of a sudden?? You stop, think about it, and then you shrug it off and go to town. Can you cum??? Or you able to have an orgasm?? Or all of sudden, it stops, YOU CAN’T! IT STARTS CREEPING YOU THE FUCK OUT!!!
Your on the phone with your dieing friend whom is giving EXPLICIT instructions on how they want their service done. When all of a sudden, out of nowhere A CERTAIN OBJECT THAT YOU HAD IN YOUR SAFE… UNDER YOUR BED …
… APPEARS RIGHT BY YOUR FOOT ON THE BED… OUT OF NOWHERE!!!
WHAT THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO???
Would you jump COMPLETELY out of your skin????… Or would you be one of those that just sat there FROZEN SOLID, WITH BIG BUG EYES??????
Then… Several months later, your enjoying your nice hot shower, you just ate. Got a full belly.. nice & relaxed.. a head full of shampoo, and your scrubbing your head with your eyes closed, enjoying the feeling of scrubbing your head.
When out of nowhere you hear… “CLANK”
The plate that you decided NOT TO BRING TO THE KITCHEN BEFORE GETTING IN THE SHOWER…. Being placed BACK DOWN ON THE COFFEE TABLE….
While YOU ARE NAKED IN THE SHOWER!!!!!
What do YOU do??? How do YOU react?? THERE’S NO WHERE TO GO! THERE’S NO WHERE TO HIDE!!! YOU ARE IN THE SHOWER STARK NAKED, WITH SHAMPOO IN YOUR HAIR AND EYES.
Do you try to grab a towel to wipe the soap out of your eyes???. OR DID YOU JUST BECOME A STATUE FROZEN SOLID???
HOW AWARE OF YOUR BREATHE JUST BECOME??? ARE YOU FEELING TERRORIZED ABOUT NOW???
How vulnerable would you feel RIGHT AT THAT MOMENT??? WOULD THE BATES MOTEL CROSS YOUR MIND RIGHT THEN??? WOULD YOUR LIFE FLASH BEFORE YOUR EYES????
What would you do????
How would you feel???
Would you respond… Or react???
How would you respond… Or react????
You wake up from a nap one afternoon, feeling groggy, you see something glistening on the floor by the couch where you fell asleep at, with your eyebrows crinkled you find your belly ring THAT NEVER COMES OUT OF YOUR BELLY. ON THE FLOOR… WITH THE BEAD SITTING RIGHT NEXT TO IT.
And again waking up to finding this huge knot in your hair THAT YOU HAVE TO CUT OUT??? Would you wonder, “HOW MUCH DID I REALLY TOSS AND TURN LAST NIGHT???”
You feel helpless??? Terrorified??? What do feel AT THIS POINT??? Have you told a friend… Or many??? Have you called the police??? What would you tell them??? How you put all this in words??? Can you show them proof??! Can YOU answer the police when they ask, “WHAT DID YOU DO???” Do you even know what is going on????
Are you shaking all the time??? Are you “jumpy”??? Are you scared all the time??? Do you sleep with the lights OFF or ON???? Can you stop what’s going on??? Can you control what is going on??? AND JUST EXACTLY IS GOING ON???? A few months later, At 2 in the morning, you DECIDE you want to take a shower. You get your clothes gathered, your towel, your washcloth, and your humming a tune, you pull the shower curtain back, your about to reach for the facet to turn the water on. You see your showerhead TURNED UPSIDE AS IF ITS A NOOSE!!!!
Again… How are you feeling!??? Are you screaming??? Or are you standing there FROZEN SOLID???
Six months goes by, your asleep. Something sounding like clanking bottles pulls you out of a deep sleep. It sounds like the bottles are at your ears. Your still groggy and asleep, you turn over TO FIND YOUR DOOR CRACKED OPEN!!!
WHAT THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO??? HOW SCARED WOULD YOU FEEL??? WOULD YOU TERRORIZED??? WOULD YOU FEEL DESPERATE??? What would YOU do???
Would you move?? Or would you continue to live in your home???
JUST HOW SAFE DO YOU FEEL????..
You move, NOT EVEN TWO WEEKS, you get woke up by a knock on the door at 8:30 in the morning, YOU’RE ASLEEP, not thinking… You crack the door open to see who it is. This person is acting like he is looking for someone that lived there before. Ask how long you’ve lived there, BEING ASLEEP, YOU ANSWER… then they start rambling about a time machine and other crazy stuff. You ask them to leave.
They respond by stating, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT??!
DO YOU FEEL SAFE IN YOUR NEW HOME? OR IN THAT INSTANT WAS YOUR SAFETY ALL OF A SUDDEN STRIPPED AWAY FROM YOU???
A week goes by, you are in the parking lot pulling things out of your car, some guy pulls up in their car AND STOPS while you are at your trunk, and just starts a conversation with you out of nowhere
“How is this place? How it gotten any better? I lived here 3 years ago and they wouldn’t do anything. There was even a guy that hung themselves. “
After you say that you don’t want to hear anymore, he says ” well do you live here? Do you live in that apartment over there?”
AGAIN HOW WOULD IT MAKE YOU FEEL??
HOW DOES IT FEEL TO NOT HAVE ANYTHING PRIVATE AND SACRED TO YOU???
HOW DOES IT FEEL TO NEVER KNOW WHEN “THEY” ARE WATCHING YOU?? SCRUTINIZING YOUR EVERY MOVEMENT, EVERY SOUND THAT IS MADE??
You may know how would feel, BUT LET’S GET INTO THE MIND OF THE ATTACKER!!!!
He is toying with you, playing cat and mouse games with you. He is getting off on your fear! THAT’S HIS RUSH!!! THATS HIS HIGH!!!
WOULD YOU THINK HE IS DANGEROUS AT THIS POINT????
THINK ABOUT IT…. and get back to me. I would love to know what you think!!!!
Continue reading “Looking Into Trauma”Understanding the Predator
Understanding the Predator
If you have read my blog Perp Mentality In the Sex Work World, You will have a small glimpse of how this is done. Basically when it comes to the psychology of the predator each predator may be different on how they go about baiting their prey. Some like the toy with their prey, some like to torment their. It’s all a part of the “high” that a predator gets when stalking his prey and taunting and tormenting. Playing the cat and mouse game, keeping the prey in PANIC STRICKEN FEAR is exactly the name of the game AND THE EXACT M. O. TO EVERY PREDATOR. So How they go about messing with their prey may be a little bit different but in all actuality every predator still holds the exact same patterns as others.
Because this is psychological you will not be able to see the patterns and the signs and the behaviors up close or with just one or two pages or incidents. It’s really important to take a few steps back and envision you being the attacker and look at the whole picture. Once you do this, as well as knowing what you’re looking for. At that point it actually slaps you in the face! it’s so obvious and so up close and personal, it will literally scare the living shit out of you… ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU ARE DOING YOUR OWN “POSSIBLE” HOMICIDE INVESTIGATION!!!!
…Going back to my blog “Perp Mentality In the Sex Work World” the main characteristics of “Perps” taking on identities of who they identify with the most became very obvious to me while doing screenings. I had noticed there were quite a few that I had screened that had taken the Identities of football players. So they already have this fascination to their “super stars/super heros” and try to duplicate who they look up to, as if being a “Copycat” and will MIMIC them. You can find the perfect example of “Copy Cat Mimicking” below
Things To Consider & Angles To Look At
In order to grasp exactly what is going on you have to look at all this in several different ways
IN ORDER TO FIND THE PATTERNS and THE BEHAVIORS, ALWAYS REMEMBER: THERE IS ALWAYS ORDER WITHIN ALL THE CHAOS
RULE OF THUMB: IF IT LOOKS LIKE IT DOESN’T MAKE ANY SENSE TO YOU … THEN START DIGGING TO FIND “THE SENSE!!!” BECAUSE I PROMISE YOU IT “IS” THERE!!!!
Spoken From An “Average Person’s” View
Getting into your attacker’s mind is NOT something that we do on a common everyday basis, And by all means if you don’t have to I would keep it at a common everyday basis. But if you were like me, with no one listening, no one caring to listen, no one paying attention and everybody else saying that I was crazy. Well, I kind of had no choice but to get into the mind of my attackers. Because I knew if I didn’t figure it out and find out what the hell was going on I would never be able to stop this.
So, I KNEW that getting into the mind of my attackers was THE KEY to getting all of this to stop
Needless to say, there’s nothing that I can say or show or do to try to prepare a person for what they will find when they get into the mind of their attacker. The only thing that I can honestly say is:
Be Prepared to be Unprepared
I’m sorry, I wish that it’s more I can say to prepare a person, but there’s honestly nothing but I They are due to prepare a person to go down this journey.
… From “The Investigative” Side
Just like “functional drug addicts” we also have “functional predators.” They are able to function in society to society standards even at the most minimal of standards And you never would realize the deep dark demons that are inside someone’s mind. From the investigative side you have to be knowledgeable in many different areas. Which is the reason why I take you all over the place with all these different subjects because I’ve had to go and research all of these different areas and learn all of them on my own. The areas that I personally have had to learn ( Just to name a few, for more indepth look into what I’ve researched for all of this go to the Resources Page):
- Basic psychology
- What stress can do to a body and brain
- How isolation affects the body and brain
- Signs of stalking
- The laws of Stalking
- The Phases of stalking/Gang Stalking
- Signs & Symptoms of Ritual Abuse
- Signs & Symptoms of Emotional & Mental Abuse
- Occult Terms and Definitions and Associations
- psychic Vampires
- Microwaving and directed energy weapons
- Narcissism and narcissistic abuse
- Forensics
- IT and digital forensics…AND LAW
- Networking
- Private investigation and security work, requirements and laws. Along with investigative tools
- Occult investigations
- Hypnosis
- Brain trauma and effects
- Long term effects of trauma and shock to the body and psyche
- Interrogation tactics used
- Hitler and tactics used by Hitler
- Demon oppression
- Demon possession
- Spiritual abuse
Where To Start
Putting a DAILY TIMELINE together is a MUST to be able to see “THE ORGANIZATION WITHIN THE SENSELESS CHAOS!”
Hint Hint: This is EXACTLY how I can show “RICO” with my situation!!!!
- The Individual Days: shows a “TRICKLE EFFECT” and by looking at each day YOU
- WILL BEGIN TO SEE THE CERTAIN PATTERN TO FORM. (on average, for me anyways, it’s on a TWO MONTH Pattern. “Long enough time to forget”) YOU WILL ALSO BEGIN TO NOTICE THE PATTERNS IN THE NAMES. And you will also begin to see THE PATTERNS IN THE NUMBERS ….AS WELL AS WORD ASSOCIATIONS (that does the brainwashing and makes the triggers!)
- The WEEKS, The MONTHS and The YEARS: what is leading up to, your environments, the people that have come and gone within those time frames and the “impression” they have put into your life at that time.
- The common denominators: there is bound to be something that you can find as common denominator and everything that you look for when you look through it what I find to come I promise you you will find it You will find many common denominators and common characteristics between one thing and another
- Look for “The Theme”: predator is usually go by a theme or they have an MO about them right My thing seems to be on the spiritual/satanic level and my son and destroying me bringing me down to homelessness Nana Nana need to have any productive life and not allowing me to be able to succeed in life everything seems to be taken from me in one way or the other every time I try to succeed I cant seem to move forward One man or another is always destroying what I have built up for myself.
The “Cause & Effect”
With all of this, it’s SO vast which of course is done on purpose; CREATING CONFUSION by SUDDENLY BARRAGING you FROM EVERY DIRECTION CONTINUOUSLY. And by doing this, we have “Cause and Effect”
- This causes you to spin out of control
- which causes REACTION instead of RESPONSE
- Which causes agitation, aggression, frustration, and then anger ALONG WITH DESPERATION, BEWILDERMENT, LOSS OF CONTROL OF ANY AND EVERYTHING AROUND YOU, FEAR…FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN.. DISTRUST IN THOSE THAT YOU ARE CLOSEST TO…
- which causes feuds and fighting
- which then causes loss of friends and family and loved ones
- Without realizing it, you are being programmed
- This causes Triggers
- It causes your whole body to be in nothing but a ball of tensed up stress….
- which causes PHYSICAL almiments ie: migraines, constant diarrhea, vomiting….
- Which causes your immune system to be at the point of NOT having an immune system
- being put under long-term stress and trauma will lead to memory loss, loss of time “black out” periods
- And may experience difficulty trying to concentrate, not able to finish a task to completion
- There may also be signs of sudden speech impediments. Which is a sign of either complex PTSD or brain trauma TBI from the long term abuse/trauma.
Copy Cat: MK Ultra Survivor Cathy O’Brien “You Can Run But You Can’t Hide”
On May 29th 2020 I received this text on my real phone number “you can but you can’t hide. We will find ‘a’ destroy you. 7880 Fredericksburg rd apt 2109. Sleep tight dumb fuck. We will be knocking soon. Ready or not here we come. ”
“Cause”
Breaking This Down
Let’s break this down, shall we??!!! First of all “find ‘a’ destroy you” SHOULD’VE BEEN “AND” and secondly this person MUST be dyslexic! Because my apartment number was “1029”. Most people that are Dyslexic ARE ALSO ADHD! At least from what I’ve seen. My brother is both dyslexic AND ADHD. And I can tell you both of my children ARE ADHD. ….
Let’s recap what we’ve learned from this, so far. 1) DOES NOT PROOFREAD, 2) can’t spell, 3) does NOT capitalize PROPER NOUNS “rd”, 4) is dyslexic 5) MOST PROBABLY ADHD and 6) I pick up on a child’s mentality
THE WAY THIS IS WRITTEN WOULD TELL ME THIS IS A CHILD’S MENTALITY MIMICKING/A COPY CAT FROM THIS VIDEO BELOW.. hold on IM NOT DONE!!!
“Effect”
The effect was to cause distrust in a relationship
August 11th 2021
My Introduction to Cathy O’Brien
at the time that I got this threat above I had no idea about MK ultra nor did I have any clue of Kathy O’Brien’s existence. How this video was introduced to me FIFTEEN MONTHS LATER, IN AUGUST OF THIS YEAR. It wasn’t until I was left on the concrete at Starbucks that this homeless dude Jose Perez and some chick was with introduced me to Cathy O’Brien and this video in full thats below.
The first screenshot with Tara Hernandez you’ll notice three different pictures but then I look alike the picture that is on the top right hand side is the correct person. Also notice that it says she lives in Baton Rouge she doesn’t That’s not what her profile said before It said San Antonio. Something else that caught my eye is her mutual friends. And you’ll notice in all of the things that the mutual friends is my REAL LIFE FRIENDS THAT ARE BLUES MUSICIANS BUT ONE STUCK OUT BECAUSE WELL HE DIED 5 YEARS AGO AND THAT’S CATFISH STEVENS. So my question is how did she become friends with catfish when he’s not alive???
So you can imagine of course I tripped hearing THE SAME EXACT SENTENCE THAT WAS SAID TO ME IN A THREAT. WOULDN’T YOU????
The Full Video of Cathy O’Brien
Getting Into the Mind of the Attacker: My History
Getting Into the Mind of the Attacker: My History
In order to figure out how they did these identities as well as make sense to everything that I have on this website, You MUST first be able to get into the mind of your attacker!
In order to get into the mind of your attacker you have to learn your attacker. That means studying your attacker…. AS MUCH AS THEY HAVE STUDIED YOU!!!
In order to learn your attacker YOU MUST FIRST BECOME YOUR ATTACKER!!!!
Even though I have shared how I came about all this for my You Tube segments “Getting Into The Mind Of Your Attacker” I’ll explain here as well to fill in the gaps between the videos and the pages.
I unfortunately had already had to do this before when it came to getting into the mind of your attackers when it came to my youngest son. I had to sit down with him when he was 11 years old and explained to him about the Menendez brothers and how serial killers usually will start with their parents. Needless to say it’s not the easiest thing to ever do to talk to your child like this but it’s something I felt that was urgent enough to need to be done as well as at one point I had taken all the knives and any sharp objects out of my apartment. I was THAT afraid. I even had told him at one point that I knew how he was going to kill me, that he would take the cowardly way out and kill me in my sleep. I had already changed my bedroom door to a locking door that he went through while sleeping. The first time I woke up to him standing staring at me at the foot of my bed when I knew I had to lock the door creepily staring at me I’m going to feel like I could feel him trying to figure it all out, how it was going to be done. The second time, I SHOT UP 3:00 in the morning screaming his name screaming out for where you are. He had crawled out my bedroom window and was sitting on the roof because it was a townhouse apartment. I was sitting outside on the roof by himself and he hollers back “I’m in the kitchen mom.” I could hear him, like he was in my ear. I knew he was right out my window. And at that time I was living on $300 a month plus food stamps income AND TRYING TO RAISE HIM. I had just gotten a pair of rabbit ears for the TV in my room. Which I had kept right outside my window to get better reception. That meant that I left the window with a very small crack so that it wouldn’t cut through the cord to the antenna. So, it was easy to open my bedroom window without REALLY being heard at that time.
Two months before he turned 13, I got woken up from a nap RIGHT AFTER school by CPS and the cops telling me they were taking him. Now I’ll never know the truth about how it all went down. It was later on that I started finding all of his stuff packed… Under the couch cushions etc. In little bitty spots that it was like him to stick things in and hide. I can remember sitting on my living room floor finding that stuff in my couch, crying… Wondering why he kept me alive. With a chill down my back I thought to myself, “so he wouldn’t get in trouble and go to jail. He kept me alive to torture me.” It’s the perfect crime. NOW…. whether my son is involved or not, I still cannot tell you. There are several details in this situation that lead me to believe YES. The way some situations have a “childish” tone to it or thought process, rather shows that some of this is NOT well thought out, like in child’s mentality and also some details and the way of the torment with those specific details also make me wonder quite a lot. BUT THEN ALSO, you have to take into consideration that my blogs from before have been exploited and played on to great lengths by many others. There are so many involved but to say the least its very possible. Either way IT’S STILL THE PERFECT MURDER whether he is involved or not… It doesn’t matter. For those that are involved, IT TRULY IS THE PERFECT MURDER!!!…..
Two years ago on the news, there had been an 18 year male that had been arrested for Captial Murder for murdering his mother. The first time that he had been questioned, he was able to get away with it. After the second time he was questioned is when he was picked up and arrested. I couldn’t do anything but sit there and cry Thanking God that I was still alive. As I could have just as easily NOT made it through with my life.
(I have to admit dictating these details is still very hard for me. Because that’s just about 7 years ago. today he turned 20 (November 21, 2021). So unfortunately I I’m already aware that in order to figure out what was going on with me I had to literally one more time in my life become my attacker and keep a steady balance between being the actual victim, becoming my attacker and still holding steady with the societies standards. Very carefully treading, not to mention becoming a P.I., a cop…all the law authorities. I had to become better than them because I AM A WOMAN! I am automatically discredited, disregarded, thought of as “crazy” and therefore NOT HEARD….JUST BECAUSE I AM A WOMAN!!! As if being a woman isn’t bad enough, on top of that anyone that realized that I was a sex worker…even though I am actually a trafficking victim. I found that even when I state I am A VICTIM OF HUMAN TRAFFICKING….I AM STILL SEEN AS A “WHORE!” So, I had to become better at all of their jobs because THEY WOULDN’T DO THEIR JOBS!)
It was through me speaker up AND out about these experiences that my attackers have EXPLOITED the fear factor when it comes to my youngest son throughout this ordeal. Just a few months after moving to San Antonio my experience as a parent raising a “toxic” child at that point has been exploited and continually exploited for 5 years now.
So, I believe it’s time for us to get into the mind of the attacker(s) by breaking things down and explaining. Just an FYI, I still have “my” times of breaking down with going through all these details, just saying that I AM HUMAn, and it DOES take EVERYTHING out of me putting all this together. I just ask for understanding.
Getting Into the Mind of the Attacker: The Psychological Side
Getting Into the Mind of the Attacker: The Psychololical Side
Having a basic concept of the psychological reasonings of the patterns and behaviors of an attacker is fundamental when trying to get into the mind of your attackers. There are several key factors that should be taken into consideration. I’m trying to get into the mind of your attacker.
In these videos I lay down the foundation of what to look for and explain these factors from my experiences so that you can make sense of what is otherwise seen as pure insanity.
The key factors that I go over in the first video is:
- The use of keywords
- The use of pictures
- The use of suggestions
- The use of timing…or the “waste of time”
- The use of exploiting life stories
- The use of surveillance
- The use of the Fear Factor
- The use of confusion
- The use of discrediting
- The use of financial control and/or manipulation
- Third party stories and reading between the lines
Examples of Keywords Used
The use of the keywords along with the pictures are brainwashing techniques used in no-touch torture. To brainwash someone’s mind is a psychological torture and is used throughout war. This is also a very well-known technique that abusers/ predators use, This includes narcissist as well .
1. “Stockholm” Syndrome
The use of The key words “Stockholm Syndrome” Have been used throughout my situation by several different people. By consistently using these words it’s ritualistic, therefore brainwashing me into think that my situation is considered to be a Stockholm Syndrome.
One key thing I would like to point out about Stockholm Syndrome is trauma bonding. Where the victim bonds to the attacker or to the abuser and starts to see the abuser as not an abuser and makes excuses for their abuser. My situation in particular has been My involvement with Tristan over the past 4 years. I have been trauma bonded with him without realizing it until here recently.
2. “Waterboa1rding”
The keyword waterboarding has been used to throw out my situation as well. This is a form of torture and there are various forms. One form of waterboarding that has been used on me started when I moved into Budget Suites in September of 2019 was when I was taking showers I would not have hot water. Every time I turn on the shower it would be like the hot water that was in the pipes would come out and then it would turn cold on me. I’ve been have to turn the The shower off turn the faucet off while I was standing there freezing turn the faucet on and let the hot water go through the faucet and then turn the shower on and then I would only get What is in the pipes already. Discontinued through every place that I went to through June of this year. This is my reasonings for buying a shower head on my own because at that point when I put my own shower head in to whatever motel I was staying at I was actually being able to get hot water and hot showers.
THIS of course is another form of no touch torture
and to admit to the truth What awarding was first introduced to me in the form of sex by Tristan. Where he would put his foot on my head while fucking me from behind. And then from then on other people started using this word as a key word.
Reading through this emails from Robert you will see that first of all he’s very abusive as a client secondly he is telling me that Im expected to do but I’m paid for and also I found his Instagram name as magician. Going back to September of 2020 where I found this items under my bed therefore indicating black sex magic had been used on me He had contacted right after I found those items under my bed pushing for me to see him right then there which is odd for him at that point and it gave me chills that he contacted like just a few minutes after I found those items under my bed it made me think that he was part of this whole mess. And this throughout the rest of the time of my communications with this person it more and more made me think that he was a part of it the way he treated me and the way he acted giving off sure signs that had involvement into this.
3. Dublin Ireland
I didn’t know what this meant until here recently but whoever has been stalking me using a Microsoft IPs and going through my Microsoft Office business accounts One of the areas that these IPs have been coming from is Dublin Ireland actually is the main one that has been coming from. Other areas of the IPs that have been showing through Microsoft used to stalk my other website is San Antonio, Washington, Iowa, Illinois and Arizona
I’d like to point out that this person says he lives in Dublin Ireland but is from Austin Texas
4. “You should write an autobiography”
5. Using the statement “I feel like I’ve had my soul sucked out of me”
This statement actually originates back from when I had shown Tristan a review I had received on adultlook. His comment was “oh yeah it feels like you’ve had your soul sucked out of you.” And being that the titles to all my ads came directly from the comments said to me this became one of my titles to one of my ads.
I had used that title in my Valentine’s Day 2019 ad. Which is very significant because that is the day that I first started experiencing massive directed energy weapons burning my face and did not know what was going on and why.
This title/statement has been used on three different occasions as a key statement by three different individuals knowing who I was but not allowing me to know that they knew me after they got their blowjobs.
One person was Philip Walker aka racerready, aka Mr Enterprise aka shawn Walker and many other names who had first nonchalantly came across me in November my first night ever being outside for the whole night homeless at Dunkin donuts on culebra road and struck up a conversation about building websites. Whom I then come across again at the same InTown Suites on culebra road this March when I went up to his room, Which was actually a room that was set up It was the complete setup with the complete business look with all four clocks showing all four time zones I’ve gone over this before in one of my blogs. He had an anklet because of being charged with hacking first of all. Getting to the point here is after he got his blowjob for free or whatever he comes up with the statement Man I felt like I’ve had my soul sucked out of me. Which made my heart just dropped because that was a keep statement telling me that he knew me even though he acted like we were just meeting.
Another time in February actually at home sweets during this time of snow this year I was put into a room which I did not know that the desk had put me in was more than what I paid for for the first night so when I went to go pay the second day of rent I was told it was going to be more than what it had been the night before and I did not have enough money so all of a sudden this guy comes in and comes up with the amount of money that I was short. To make that long story short he came to my room we chilled out for a minute he got a blowjob and of course afterwards he said I feel like I’ve had my soul sucked out of me. Letting me know that he knew who I was.
Examples of key words & pictures
The use of pictures as a form of brainwashing as well as hypnosis
I found these pictures in my Telegram folder in my phone. The first two pictures of the guy held in the gun up to his head I first saw those pictures on a site that I found about gang stalking It was used in the context of perps being recruited. It wasn’t until later on that I actually found these pictures in my Telegram folder showing that it was actually a game. Psychologically speaking when seeing this picture of somebody holding a gun to their head it’s trying to get you to commit suicide.
The rest of the pictures when looking at them you can see where They can be very hypnotic. The cellulite I had read that cellulite is a sign and symptom of electronic harassment. The The pictures of the room that’s brainwashing about isolation. And the rest of the pictures I just don’t want to even begin to describe the psychological behind all that it’s pretty disturbing to say the least.
The use of pictures to put out death threats
The name Michael is French for Michelle so my name was called out specifically in death threats. Making accounts in my email using Mary Magdalene as my name and out of 643 views on Groupon the last viewed item was a gun specifically showing a death threat.
Time To Share The Great News
So I guess it’s time to share all the good news that I have been holding out on lol
I’m going to give a little background though real quick
It was on September 6th Labor Day that I met my now former roommate whose husband had just died of supposed covid It was on that day
several things happened. There was a counselor from #spiritwolfintervention his name is Jeff that had broke me down so bad he had me in the street pissing all over myself cuz he had threatened to put me in a mental institution for no reason. This is a #licensedcounselor
That had exerted his power to manipulate and tear me down, exerting his power of control over me through his counselor’s license and degrees. On Labor Day I was told that my clothes had been thrown out and sent to a second hand shop. Therefore leading me to believe that I was
Left to believe that I’m only had to close on my back ONE MORE TIME!
This led me to be an in COMPLETE SHOCK.
On that day through a mutual acquaintance I guess somebody I met at the shelter brought me to this woman’s house. It was her and her son that completely opened their
Arms, home and family of two to me, making me apart of their family.
The beginning of September I let the http://msrogueofsa.net server go. I did not pay it that month.
After the holiday The counselor Jeff got in touch with me and asked if I had gone to get my clothes.
Being very clear on the manipulation he had pulled on me I just straight out asking did you give them notice that I was coming.
He replied never mind
A couple of hours later he then contacted me and said that I could pick up my clothes and my belongings from where I had been
Staying at his business/shelter between certain times on a certain day.
I stayed with this widowed woman for a total of 2 & 1/2 mths, And during that time the mutual acquaintance had tried to pimp me out to some crack dealers come to find out he was a violent sex offender
That was on heroin and crack. And he was trying to manipulate and jeopardize the place that he brought me to. It was because of all of which she had gone through that she kicked him out and made sure that I had a safe place to stay.
It was at this point that I also made the
Decision to COMPLETELY not deal with any men anymore. Not throughout October I had undergone massive amounts of stalking electronic harassment and surveillance putting me in electronic bondage.
Even though all that was going on and it was affecting this family’s home
NOTHING COULD MESS UP THE MIRACLE & BLESSING When I got the phone call from Cam Ministries
From who is now my case manager.
Through the #violenceagainstwomensact she was able to get me approved for #section8 for #lifelong. It took a few apartments but I got approved for one.
Week before last I got a brand new pair of glasses. My good glasses broke much of last year. Those glasses were taken when my bag disappeared in December on Greyhound within an hrs time between Baton Rouge and Natchez Ms, suspiciously I might add. I had been wearing my 8 yr old g
Glasses since. I completely went without glasses for THREE WEEKS BEFORE GETTING MY NEW PAIR OF GLASSES.
That beautiful dozen roses I was given from a woman That does a small food bank in West San Antonio, Making sure to tell me that she appreciated me bringing my roommate to
Her food bank because she had taken all my former running under her wing When she was homeless and having to pan handle (being trafficked by her husband). It was Tuesday of this week I received that dozen roses that made me cry. It’s simple act of kindness and appreciation
From a simple act of kindness and appreciation when i took her those times.
On Monday my case manager brought this turkey and a huge box of all the fixings. When yoou go hungry for so long and have to literally fight like fist fight and struggle just to TRY to be able to eat
Receiving this Thanksgiving Mill to be able to prepare MEANT EVERYTHING TO ME!
The other pictures in that collage me packing
I had done all my paperwork online. So I had never seen the apartment that I was approved for, until i walked in
ON THE DAY BEFORE THANKSGIVING (WED)!!
This college should say it ALL!
My point of sharing the background story is this:
It took ONLY 2 AND A HALF MONTHS For me to accomplish what I have been trying to accomplish
FOR 5 FREAKING YEARS.
WHEN I CUT MEN COMPLETELY OUT OF MY LIFE, THIS MEANS NO MEN!
And being that I experience a male counselor doing the same abuse to me I mean in every area of my life I could men out of. I will not do business with a man at all anymore. I will walk out of that business if I do not have the option to deal with a professional female.
On Monday this past week I SIGNED MY YEAR LEASE TO MY NEW HOME.
NOT 3 MINUTES LATER And im NOT EXAGGERATING, i received THIS EMAIL FROM #RedUmbrellaHost informing me they had detected someone getting into my account…
ON THE MONTH I DID NOT PAY THAT ACCOUNT NOR DID I LOG IN
ON THE SAME DAY THAT JEFF FROM SPIRIT WILL INTERVENTION HAVE MANIPULATED AND LIED TO ME TELLING ME I HAD NO BELONGINGS THAT PUT ME INTO SHOCK
OF WHICH LED ME TO MEET UP WITH MY FORMER ROOMMATE
ON THE SAME DAY OF SUSPECTED BREACH ON MY ACCOUNT FROM MY DOMAINS
That they had gotten a third party IT forensics AND HAVE CONTACTED LAW ENFORCEMENT.
I’M NOT KIDDING WHEN I SAY 3 MINUTES LATER AFTER I SIGN THE LEASE…
I COULDN’T DO NOTHING BUT CRY SAYING MAYBE JUST MAYBE…. NOW I CAN FINALLY GET IT TO ALL STOP!!!
im NOT done yet🙃🙂
RIGHT AFTER THAT, I received a text from my friend telling me that my social security card was in!!!!
WITHIN 30 MINUTES TIME AS SOON AS I SIGNED MY LEASE I HAD TWO OTHER GREAT BREAKING NEWS ALL AT ONE TIME COME THROUGH.
IT ONLY TOOK A MATTER OF TWO AND A HALF WEEKS TO GET
My birth certificate and social security card
Of which I’ve been working on for exactly 11 months to regain AFTER MEN TOOK MY IDENTITY FROM ME. LEAVING ME RENDRELESS.
In this collage, I THROW AWAY ALL THOSE BAD MEMORIES OF THOSE CLOTHES THAT I HAD GOTTEN OUT OF A DUMPSTER
Last December for Christmas when I was in Natchez Mississippi when my supposed friend of 15 years put me out on the street and put me in a trap house with five rats no windows and no water psychologically telling me I was a whore that did not deserve a whore bath
Because I refused to rape my own mouth with his dick one more time and I refused to be enslaved as a domestic slave. And that’s exactly what he expected not 24 hours after I got to Mississippi He got me up after not sleeping for days too good up and clean his house
And be on call when demanded to fuck him when he chose to. So me throwing away these clothes and that backpack that I’ve had all year long being homeless was a statement. I did not want to pass the clothes on I didn’t want to pass on that negative energy so I trashed them.
.Originally tweeted by Rights4SexWorkers (@Rights4SWers) on November 29, 2021.
Because I’m moved in on Wednesday I was unpacking on Thursday Thanksgiving Day.
So i got ro HAVE MY FIRST THANKSGIVING IN MY NEW HOME YESTERDAY
THE SECOND TURKEY THAT I HAVE EVER COOKED IN MY LIFE. IN THE FIRST WAS 10 YEARS AGO.
And even though I was at my seasoning basics
IT WAS #ACajunTurkey nonetheless
That with some juicy and seasoned just right.
I HAVE BROKEN THROUGH THE CHAINS OF ABUSE, A SURVIVOR OF HUNAN & LABOR TRAFFICKING!
BREAKING FREE OF THE MODERN DAY SLAVERY!!!
I am VERY CLEAR-HEADED, CONFIDENT AND VERY SURE OF MYSELF
I am FULLY AWARE OF EXACTLY ALL THE MANIPULATION HOW IT WAS ALL DONE THE CONTINUED PROGRAMMING THAT CAME WITH THAT MANIPULATION. I AM AWARE OF EVERY WAY THAT A NARCISSIST AND A PREDATOR WILL GO ABOUT BREAKING DOWN THEIR PREY
I am so aware that I can spot it 10 mi away!
AND WILL CALL IT OUT and until whoever it is try and the manipulation on me to go fuck themselves in less than a heartbeat And I’m telling you this includes cops too.
I don’t care who it is!
I went FROM THIS….
ON THE STREETS, LOSING EVERYTHING AGAIN AND AGAIN
SCARED TRAUMATIZED STAYING IN COMPLETE TOTAL SHOCK TO MY WHOLE BEING, MY PSYCHE EVERYTHING
TO THIS!
PLAYFUL, FREE, HAVING “MY” HOME
WITH
RENTERS INSURANCE, CABLE & SECURE INTERNET, ELECTRIC IN
“MY” NAME
HAVING NEW GLASSES, HAVING MY FIRST THANKSGIVING COOKING MY SECOND TURKEY
WITH MY ADDRESS PROTECTED THROUGH THE ATTORNEY GENERALS OFFICE
As well as having
My birth certificate and physical social security card in hand/put up securely THEREFORE GIVEN ME MY IDENTITY BACK
MY HOME HAS EXTRA SECURITY MEASURES
BEING THAT THEY WERE BREAKING INTO MY PLACES WHILE I WAS SLEEPING AND TAKING SHOWERS TO GASLIGHT AND DESTROY MY PROPERTY
Instead of signing my life away on a 38-page lease
I SIGNED MY LIFE BACK TO ME
ON THE 24TH OF NOVEMBER THE DAY BEFORE THANKSGIVING
MOVING INTO MY NEW HOME MARKED A NEW BEGINNING
That new beginning, marks a new boundary
ABSOL
ABSOLUTELY NOT ONE PERSON HAS THE PERMISSION TO NOR WILL
“RAPE-FUCK MY MIND” EVER AGAIN
If anyone tries to give an inkling that they are trying to break down my brain again All I’m going to say is you’ve just been warned
I don’t like give a fuck if anybody doesn’t take me
Serious or not It doesn’t even matter what anyone “THINKS”
It’s “what i fucking ” KNOW” that fucking matters
Oh I’m not even close to being done yet I’ve barely gotten started,
I WILL be seeing ALL 200 PREDATORS EYE TO EYE IN COURT
As well as continually advocating
For those in #SexWork to #educate how these #predators sick minds work so that those in #SexWork can better #protect themselves.
As well as pushing to #reform the #Laws that surround The #AdultIndustry, #HumanandLaborTrafficking as well the #obscenityLaws & all other #SexLaws
The programs are out there!
The HELP “IS” OUT THERE
TOO MANY LOOPHOLES,
The LawMakers as well as all others can LEARN and
#REFORM the #laws to better fit the #trafficking that’s #REALITY to be able to #help #traffickingvictims through #ASexWorkersStoryandExperience
I have proven in just two and a half months time that I HANDLE MY BUSINESS….
And that for 5 years MY PROBLEM
WAS PREDATORS!
Originally tweeted by Rights4SexWorkers (@Rights4SWers) on November 29, 2021.
Oh and yes
I WILL be going to the board and TURNING HAT COUNSELOR, Jeff #SpiritWolfIntervention
In. What he did to me as well as to another woman that was staying there at the same time as me.
https://www.bhec.texas.gov/texas-state-board-of-examiners-of-professional-counselors/index.html
THEY NEED TO KNOW WHAT HE DID
Being that he IS #licensed as a #Counselor for #TraumaVictims the things that he did was VERY abusive causing more trauma to a victim of trauma and using his license as power to manipulate and threaten to put me in a mental institution over showing clear signs of trauma
Originally tweeted by Rights4SexWorkers (@Rights4SWers) on November 29, 2021.
One Year Ago This Thanksgiving
Im putting this blog and the blog about my last Christmas out because I want everyone to be Thankful for what they have for the holidays. What i experienced last holidays NOT ONE PERSON SHOULD EVER GO THROUGH! This holidays Im looking forward to spending my first Thanksgiving in my first apartment since moving to Texas, five years. It’s mine and no one can do what was done to me last year.
Holidays: Thanksgiving * MsRogueSA
Monday, March 1, 2021
4:55 PM
Clipped from: https://msrogueofsa.net/holidays/
So how did Everybody’s holiday go? I’m sure it wasn’t the normal we’re not in normal anymore. For whatever it was for you this pasr holiday season, I really hope that you had running water electricity with your head and at least a little bit food with to eat. Even put pleasant the traditional Christmas dinner I hope to God it was something that was able to fill your bellies and give you a warm sense of sensation from inside.
I I would like to share with everyone but I’ve gone through how my holidays have been. As hard as this can be for me to do this. I believe I’m ready. I’m sure some stupid asshole is going to try to twist this and explain this story I got news for you I’m not the same person as last year. That’s all I’m going to say for the moment but I would like to give you a different perspective of the holidays and hooks that that may still have heart and soul may save the humility in my story.
I feel the need to point out that these may be stories to you this is an actuality a journal entry for me, its REAL.
Let’s start with Thanksgiving. A time to give Thanks. A time to be thankful God blessings no matter how small or big they may be. Well I’m going to the details later on how I got to this point but I found myself be in Express Inn Motel. I’m just this early I wanted a hot shower and I wanted to rest. It’s the night before Thanksgiving when I got there. Upon getting there I realized I felt like I was in hotel California one way in everybody has to go outside in the front right by the office head across the office to go smoke. I’m going to tell you I swear I love women with to take a hot shower and to put on house clothes I smell my cigarette after my shower and rest I didn’t want to have to look at people like that point. Not after what I’ve been through. I had just wanted to be alone by myself and shake the days shit away.
Well as soon as I got into my room, check my email and someone’s want me to come by to visit okay well this person won’t outfits I didn’t know where nothing was I had no food but he came by and afterwards you know and and I was so thankful he did and all actuality I was really thankful that he gave me some kind of Thanksgiving which actually allowed me to pay rent for a couple of days.
Well talking to someone outside which I’m very skittish about people now I did something I haven’t done in so long I just took off with the person I walked across the street with him and we went by his house which I know better normally. And these days I sure wouldn’t find myself doing this on a regular basis but I did. I mean why not and it’s Thanksgiving or the night before I didn’t want to be alone and just to have somebody to communicate with same pretty cool at that point.
So I read this place I took a couple shots and we chatted for a little while. He had just gotten in prison and all of a sudden I had asked him if he knew what an empath was. He said no so I brought up some YouTube videos for him. And I did that because I had felt compelled to do something I haven’t felt compelled to do in a very long time. I understand do you mind me putting my hands on somebody chest? He said no. I said okay thank you. I sit there lay down on the couch and relax. I haven’t been this kind of feeling hasn’t come over me I know 2 years at least. So I had to explain to him when I put my hands on him that I felt there was something that I could help him with take away some negative stuff that was bothering him.
I can tell you that it’s been so long that I’ve done this that I forgot just what it does to me and let me just so many else’s energy and then just too damn much of it. Because you need to know when I do these things it’s different than being in knowing Reiki. With Reiki you transform energy as an empath with my kids I actually ingest the energy that I take from people to help them therefore I have to get rid of it there’s a certain way I have to do these things. So at first I placed my left hand on his gut because where you stole his located and then I couldn’t take in no more I put my right and on that same place. Because when you take something away negative you always have to replace it with something good positive peace you know things that are good you can’t just leave the the boy there from what you just took out energy wise.
I I’ve been did the same thing on his heart. During the time I do this I don’t let either hand to each other and when I get to feeling like I’m totally vibrating with so much electrical shocks and just about to explode from all the energy that I take in I am normally would go to directly outside… and I’ve done this and -13° snow by the way… Kick off whatever she’s I have and put my feet in the hands into the ground that I can get rid of the energy. Cause it affects me especially if I take in too much.
Now of course after all this I mean the whole body was vibrating but in this in this is exactly why I was afraid of doing going anywhere because I knew I would be expected to do something that I just wasn’t ready to do I wasn’t willing to do is more like it.
Of course yea that was something just like I knew I had to deal with it it’s time to go I was vibrating and I just couldn’t takd anymore it was way too much.
Now I am not sharing this part too have stupid people going exploit but I already know it’s going to happen it’s stupid just won’t they’ll always be stupid so whatever. I am sharing this because it reminded me of my life that is so hard for me to remember. Because after everything I’ve gone through I’ve gone to so much trouble there’s a lot of my life I don’t remember I can’t recall.
It reminded me or at least a little piece of who I was before… before all of this. It was so the norm for people to come to me and ask me to help them we’re leaving pain but things that I would give to them friends dying and me experiencing what chemotherapy feels like just to allow my friend some peace as he was dying. Just to give my friend a little bit easier death than what he was actually experiencing. Because he died of a bone marrow cancer.
All my life just something that everybody knew I had but I could help her I could help with healing or at least even somebody’s pain let’s just say that it’s just something that it was just normal it’s only been with this job since last 3 years that I’ve come to know my gifts as only because well people exploit my gifts people have turned them into negative and people have made it to be a curse for me instead of the gift I’ve always known to be. Which is the reason why I’m sharing this because this is part of me that when everybody says so I know you or whatever no one has me no one no one here knows who I’ve been before this not one of you actually no very much got me even though I have shared quite a lot.
Thanksgiving Day, I didn’t eat. I went hungry I have paid rent I made sure I had 3 days of a roof over my head instead of eating so I didn’t eat. I chose to have a roof over my head and instead of eating a Thanksgiving Meal. I mean to me it’s nothing but just another day of fighting homelessness and fighting people from taking my things away from in one way or the other so no it’s just another day at war that I’ve been having to deal with. Another day of being so exhausted from just having to fight things I just don’t want to deal with and fight people’s drama because they keep bringing it to my doorstep. Another day fighting homelessness hunger salutes nothing but just another day for me.
Well i felt blessed anyways. There was a roof over my head at least.
But I didn’t want to deal with people because I knew I knew that me interacting with others means me having to fight off things it seems like who will go into anything to try to get me in the bed no matter if they know I work or not. and needless to say I didn’t devote that information.
In this so-called hotel California that I found myself to be in being a predominantly men all men except for one girl, a younger girl. Home by the way the next day after Thanksgiving had expressed to me because she didn’t have another woman anybody there to talk to she had apparently been drugged she said she found needle marks on her body and she don’t remember any of it but she had to go to the hospital for rape. the management was Indian or whatever Muslim whatever who would not allow her into get her stuff out of her room or whatever so I knew where that was going and why. That just made me aware of my surroundings even more so because I too had found myself to feeling like a piece of meat fresh meat more specifically exactly who is going to be nice just to try to get in my pants. I mean I literally felt like I was being passed around and ain’t nobody was getting anything from me. You know I’m going to express that for a woman really just can make a woman feel well never mind you don’t care anyways you’re a man 9 times out of 10 reading this.
Well it was the day after Thanksgiving and of course nothing was coming through so trying to be nice and just trying to interact with humans again I found myself in this man’s room. Two doors down. He had implied I don’t been working throughout $50 like I was some freaking whore that he didn’t even know. Thst NO ONE KNEW. Well I umm once again had to decide what I was going to do. It hurt. He hurt me. So vile….so rough. It hurt bad. I got up keep your fucking money I don’t want no part of it. Well i was left with more Emily Aisha and disgrace not to mention the fact that I’m with my back almost to the point of being them temporarily paralyzed and I can feel it coming on. I also didn’t have rent.
You know what would it matter to him he didn’t cum. That’s all he was worried about. But he hurt me.. ..ya know, there’s a certain “piercing” in the eyes of a man, there’s a certain way that a man looks at a woman… The pupils change. They really small. The eyebrows narrow down as the stare…that certain …it cuts right straight through a eom6. That look, only a woman would know THAT look, that stare. Anywayss…
He wouldn’t give a fuck i waz left . …. ya know I will say this much, to me looked at and those kinds of ways especially in the man don’t know or not supposed to know but to be looked at in that way I don’t care how old a woman gets that cut through deep down to the bone stare of fucking resentment and disrespecting to be looked at as a whore it’s just something you never get used to. Even if you’re not one that’s even worse. It’s not something you get used to but it is something you come to expect, as a woman. I say all this because what I was about to experience next never in a million years. Just never in a million year…
So anyways I was left with I couldn’t walk because he hurt me couldn’t bend I was having nervous guys until like crazy didn’t have an ice pack which I needed. Compact much less couldn’t pick up my bags as heavy as they are but what would he care he didn’t come. So I this is never, I was blown away. I mean what woman would expect a hotel motel manager to straight out call her a bitch. To go from saying that you didn’t deserve respect to you being nice and him acting like he called the cops because I was late checking out I couldn’t do it I couldn’t pack I hurt. Because he hurt me. .BAD… I mean this man stood in disgrace staring at me with the card for your bags stood there on the phone acted like he was calling the cops calling me a bitch and I can tell you this much when he said bitch it wasn’t regularly pronounced. It was pronounced like a serpent. and I swear to you I am not making this up. “BITSSSSSSSHHHH”
I mean he’s got his phone a regular landline portable phone and I guess I can like he’s called the cops talking to somebody if anybody or no one on this phone staring the shit out of me staring me down like he could have burned me like a laser beam I’m crying I’m crawling on the floor cuz I can’t fucking get up and he’s got this card and he’s jumping the car back and forth at me this I have to tell you isn’t my town manager streaming at me gets off the phone screaming at me bitch you don’t deserve to be respected and I’m flipping shit he flips script on me and turns around and says but you nice people and then turns him on and calls me bitch again screaming at me and I’m trying to do the best I can but this motherfucker leaves me to the point of right at paralyzation in my back
That kind of shit a woman just does not shake off so fucking quickly you just can’t get rid of that you just you know I personally speaking I’d rather you beat the living fuck out of me I’d rather you you miss me like approaching back like I’ve come through before this you just can’t shake you can’t get rid of no matter how quick you meant expect us to and then I think that’s fine I’ll give it I don’t know but it is an extra insult to injury of course that’s why I think you do it you expect us to get over that kind of treatment so quickly like I mean it takes me days before I can become normal again after something like that
but here it is, THISSS… MOTEL MANAGEMENT A MAN IN CUSTOMER SERVICE AS A MOTEL MANAGER ..
Literally the only way I can describe my feelings was I literally was truly in the devil’s den and the devil’s lair because you need to know the day before which was right after Thanksgiving some dude is dumb crazy running around naked outside trying to go through mom and those someone else’s just the phones would freak out and not work you know I mean like stuff that happens when there’s bad juju around bad really deep shit. I mean this motherfucker was acting like the exorcist on me bitch oh you should be you know you’re good people you don’t just have to be respected you’re good people I mean this motherfucker was crazy. so needless to say, I was not going to allow for the last insult of the cart in my face no matter how bad it hurt I fucking got up I fucking pulled the goddamn bags on my arms and I said fuck you and move out the fuck out of my way I don’t need your goddamn Court I’ll take them myself.
So I’m thinking I’m getting it from customers potential customers haters because I turn them down providers now I’m getting this shit from motel management when does it ever cease to fucking stop? To answer ..IT DOESN’T NO. ..THAT SHIT JUST. IT DOESN’T STOP EVER.
HERE IT IS I’M HUNGRY I’M NOW HOMELESS OUT IN THE COLD YET AGAIN ALL THESE MEN HAVE FUCKING SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF ME AND I’M BLOWN AWAY BY THIS MANAGER NO IT DOESN’T STOP ALL DAY LONG AND COLD DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO I CAN’T CALL NO MORE MY PHONE’S JUST GOT CUT OFF THERE’S NOTHING FOR ME TO DO BUT JUST STAYING THERE THAT’S IT JUST STAYING NO CIGARETTES NO NOTHING TO DRINK NO NOTHING ZERO SO I JUST STAND FOR HOURS.
..,…,……. So this is when somebody that’s been on that Facebook 15 years supposed friend says come here you’ll be safe here.
Turned In To IC3. Gov on November 26th 2021
As you can see IM NOT PLAYING AROUND! ALL DOCUMENTS HAVE BEEN SENT TO MY CASE MANAGER!
https://mylifeasati.code.blog/2021/11/16/to-fbi-san-antonio-november-14th-2021/,
This is my letter to you through my website to the FBI of San Antonio. I have given full descriptions with many links in this one blog.
I have turned myself in as a trafficking victim I am also a victim of gang stalking cyber crimes as well as other crimes that are specifically noted in this link above.
I have made a website https://mylifeasati.code.blog That is nothing but evidence of what I have gone through and continue to go through.
I have gone about everything legally including the cease of desist letters breach notices on my website domains among many other things that I have tried to get this to be stopped to no avail. I need to sit down with the San Antonio organized crimes division and give them all this evidence that I had and explain what is going on with these 200 different individuals that I had been able to identify with that has been consistently showing involvement. I have apparently uncovered three different rings a trafficking ring a gang stalking ring and an identity and credit card theft ring this is serious I’m not going to be not turning this in and be responsible for this when it’s attached to my domain I really need to have this dealt with accordingly please contact me but not by phone I will not answer because I will have some of harassing calls on my phone numbers. When contacting please identify yourself accordingly showing proof of being an FBI agent. Being that they have redirected all my emails and phone calls as well when I tried to reach out before.
Again this is a very serious matter I’m not joking about this I have been investigating this for 2 years now I am just a normal regular 49-year-old that’s disabled on SSI that found something that I wish I would not have found but because I have found it I need to turn this in. You will find all the links to all the police reports and so forth someone in the link above that I have provided right first off. There was so much involved with my situation I cannot categorize this and one or two categories for your divisions I am sorry. Because the categories it falls under is a cyber crimes organized crimes human trafficking in so many many others that I cannot figure out which ones to send out to the correct category division I do apologize for this again. I have been trying to teach myself all of this information as I am not certified in none of this but have been learning throughout this whole situation I cannot tell you specifics of how they keep spying in my computers and my devices keeping me under surveillance but I have a feeling my devices have been cloned I do know that I have found remote desktop on my laptop at that point I shut my laptop down and have not pulled it back up again I am willing to give my devices to forensics. I had been able to backtrack through my cloud apps and see that I’ve been under surveillance since 2018. So I am willing to give you what you need and order for them to stop stalking me and for me to live a quiet peaceful life like I deserve and have the right to. I know that I have a case through Rico and can show it as I need to sit down with someone again to explain what all I have learned through my own investigation.
Thanks
Michelle
DBA MsRogueSA,
Please see link provided above for all of these answers in details.
https://mylifeasati.code.blog/2021/11/16/to-fbi-san-antonio-november-14th-2021/,
I have also made a YouTube channel documenting what I have gone through I have made a YouTube video Sharon and urgent message to all lawmakers all the way up to the president is who I’m addressing when it comes to human trafficking and slavery and where the laws are, relaxed therefore helping the traffickers more so than those that are being trafficked as in my situation. You can find that link to YouTube right here,
https://youtu.be/ZkG8QNPt-7A
Again please see the above link to my blog website for the following details that you were needing.
I am also sending a copy of all of this to my case manager through cam ministries said that she can have a copy and her files in case of any stalking situations in my new home come soon as I move in date is right around the corner to my new apartment. I have been able to receive the domestic violence voucher for section 8 housing due to the situation.
To FBI San Antonio November 14th 2021
I have been a victim of human & Labor Trafficking locally in San Antonio where I have also been a victim of Targeted Gang Stalking that involves massive electronic Harassment (this includes DEWs), Identity Theft, 24/7 Surveillance/Spying through all electronic devices with finding proof of this in my Google Photos cloud dating back to 2018 as well as Websites that I have made and own continual DDOS Attacks, all accounts hacked, Satanic Ritual Abuse, breaking and entering into my home (EVEN WHILE I WAS TAKING MY SHOWERS), continual death threats, a kidnapping threat by boxing me in between two vehicles and much much more over the course of the last 5 years that Ive been a resident of San Antonio.
There were 214 different visitor locations that was not my locations recorded through my Microsoft home account from the dates of November 14th 2020 to December 3rd 2020. Below is the link to that audit log finding those location lookups with the device ID included the coordinates to this device ID give the location of 11591 North Interstate 35 San Antonio. That goes to a Red Roof Inn. ALL OF THESE BY USING AN APP CALLED BLISS.
https://www.dropbox.com/s/lm6razh4hfj57rt/UserVisitLocationsBlisApp.csv?dl=0
This showed back up again on August 2nd this year same device ID with 149 different entries using the same app showing the same location at Red Roof Inn.
On June 21st I had made my first police report about the trafficking and gang stalking being a targeted individual. I have also reported myself as a trafficking victim by calling the FBI office at the end of August.
I went to Haven for Hope shelter on June 22nd where Sergeant Martinez was aware that I was a traffic victim. When she talked with me she asked me what I wanted to do I told her I wanted to try to go through the program regularly because I knew I was still going to be watched. Over the course of the month and a half that I was there I know of three people that were watching me in the courtyard of Haven for Hope. Where I started getting death threats and out of fear for my life I left Haven for Hope Shelter on July 31st. And by doing so leaving bme homeless on the street and sleeping on concrete.
Apparently when whoever it was did not know my location they went through my Microsoft home account again showing the same activities as before.
And then once my location was found this activity ceased
And to help Match up dates on July 15th I went to San Pedro Park and found that Voodo Dolls were placed on the trees around the park this was directed as I’ve been put through satanic ritual abuse.
All attacks on my domain of msrogueofsa.net has been showing over the last two years Microsoft IP addresses.
According to the GDPR laws found on tracemyip.org the amount death threats as well as the data breaches I had been having surficed the legalities of investigation and a life being in danger to be able to collect machine IDs through analytics.
There was one IP in particular that was located in San Antonio that came back as a Microsoft IP that was excessively coming to my site as in a stalking manner that when I looked up came out to be an Ivan Duran who is certified through Microsoft.
https://www.dropbox.com/s/20ywqq31y74ni2t/ivanduran.pdf?dl=0
Upon Jamie Escobar who is known as Gamerdude filling out a screening form on March, I was able to match his IP on the screening form to the IP from the Antalytics as using the same Microsoft IP.
https://www.dropbox.com/s/p0djllzjd5x0urx/12549124330680.pdf?dl=0
https://www.dropbox.com/s/mbejmqwjl6w761l/12721925907177.pdf?dl=0
I have been documenting what I have been going through over the last 5 years and over the last 2 yrs I have been actively investigating what I had believed what could have been my own “possible” homicide. Which I believe I have stumbled upon three different rings all the trafficking the gang stalking as well as identity and the data breeches
Recently I was going through some audit logs through Microsoft Security Cloud and found someone trying to “Get Entities” that keeps failing with the location of Dublin Ireland as well as Washington, Kansas, Illinois, Arizona and San Antonio. All of these areas matching up to the same areas and IPs that were going to the msrogueofsa.net website with failed login attempts as well as Brute Forced Attacks.
I have been able to identify with at least two hundred different people that have been involved over the years all of using up to 14 to 20 different aliases. In order not to Be able for anyone to identify them nor the way they do the Gangstalking. ALL of them using the instant messenger KIK. over the last 2 yrs I have watched these individuals on kik and kik groups, their habits etc. I noticed about every 6 mths they all change their names and the nanes of the kik groups. This also is to keep anyone from catching onto the stalking qnd who they are. They also do their stalking on Twitter, telegram and all other social media.
They have put me in “electronic bondage” anytime they notice me online they start attacking wherever platform they notice me on. These next 8 links is evidence of the harassment of this month of October ALONE
I have also put up Cease & Desist :
Cease and Desist Part 1 Legal Definitions
Cease and Desist Part 1 Information: Symptoms of Electronic Harassment and DEWs
Cease and Desist Part 1 Information: The Six Phases of Gangstalking
Cease and Desist Part 1 Information: The Kinds of Torture Endured by Trauma Based Mind Control
Cease & Desist Examples of Tactics
Cease and Desist Types of Harassment
,Cease and Desist Harassment Letter
Other noteable links are:
And since I'm on here making an appearance let me just enlighten y'all some.
At the end of March beginning of April when I was on here screaming out scared from my life because I woke up to my door being open at 4:00 in the morning and I also got boxed in by two vehicles and a
kidnapping situation… I was desperate and I was trying to reach out. On May 25th I received an email back from the author and website owner of
Not only that but last night I come across this
http://projectsoulcatcher.blogspot.com/?m=1
When I'm just going through things again last night doing those videos for the YouTube channel
I found more recorded video of me on my device in My cloud that I was not aware of.
Let me explain this
When Mike introduced me to moco space, 5 days after being on there which I never heard of that platform ever before that.. someone and they'll have heard this before.. someone was impersonating my son who was 15 at the time, acting like him trying to blackmail me telling me to
Take a picture of me eating my own shit out of my own hands and put it up on Facebook. And of course well I've got hungry up to 6 days and that's the only thing I guess I'm allowed to eat correct or worth eating right, in January in my contacts… I found a notation near a phone
Number.. one more time I dropped to my knees and threw up with no food in my stomach. That person that impersonated my child his name is Steve.
Now I'm about to quote that article above the no touch torture techniques
"1. introduction to depressive/manic states
The idea is to
Shake up the emotional states of the Target because different information can be accessed at each state. Making the target build despair and helplessness is the objective.
My comment you all know about this one on me on here on Twitter right
Continuing on…
The cycle of Hope building then breaking is done in many ways. The techniques between the physical methods and the no touch technological methods are similar. SPEECH IS VERY IMPORTANT DURING THIS PROCESS OF EMOTIONAL MANIPULATION. SUCH EXAMPLES ARE
"we have imprisoned you without due process or hope of it. You are indefinitely detained."
Hope building examples include, "sorry we have mistaken you for someone else you will be compensated for false imprisonment and torture"
The main difference between the cybernetic
Technology and physical is that emotional state clusters can be entrained into the target mind which speeds up the process..
THE COMMUNICATION IS DONE DIFFERENTLY BUT PERCEIVED AS HUMAN SPEECH. AND NO TOUCH TORTURE METHODS IT IS HELPFUL IF THE TARGET IS LABELED WITH MENTAL
MENTAL ILLNESS THAT IS BEING CREATED FOR DISCREDITING PURPOSES AS NOT TO DRAW HUMAN RIGHTS GROUPS ATTENTION
Here are some real life examples
Example a: the the screenshot that's brown, I found two different recordings and that's a picture of one of them that was recorded before
I actually took the screenshots on March 1st of last year… This married man that I dated is planting the seed that it was my child tormenting me…
At the same exact time frame. Now if y'all remember
That's exactly the time that I wrote The blog the perfect murder talking
Talking about my son who coincidentally enough is an Air Force Force for cyber warfare which of course is being exploited. So that's where the blog come from okay…
At the same time he was doing this to me someone else was doing THIS to me:
Of course this is not the whole
Conversation but this gives you an idea enough..
Exploiting my blogs that are right about when I got raped by something I couldn't see at 15 that's about the time that I found out about the road I was raised on
The frenchtown road urban legend that's 200 years old that
That YES I CAN ATTEST TO…IS REAL .
Also this is about the time that the stalker was knocking on my door at the beginning of quarantine… Scaring the fuck out of me
Then the married man comes over and I'm crying in his lap . And I'm telling him I know I'm going through the
Same exact techniques and methods that Hitler did and I knew it I just didn't know exactly what this was yet at that point…
That day that's when he tells me maybe I need to get an exorcism… One more time exploiting me one more time repetition .. one more time mind fucking me
Which is exactly when..
Tristan who I can't seem to split away from this whole time… Both him and Tony were telling me..
Self care I need to get help and so on so on.
Tristan wants me to contact the archbishop of San Antonio so therefore I did and I have screenshots of that
Email as well.
It was at that time that I went into adult look and I mentioned and named after Tristan as well as my son scared… That's about the time that lettuce mate along with several other providers in adultlook
Invalidated the fuck out of me…
Defamed the fuck out of my character, and told me to get off the dope that I am not on.
And of course when I go back on adult look months later in this I'm starting to shake the trauma starting to come out again I'm starting to sweat and everything I'm starting to stutter and
And shiver I mean like I'm dripping his sweat already like seconds it's programmed in me the trauma God..
Several months later when I went back to discuss this with the ladies I again got discredited my character was to find again and I was just told I was crazy and on dope
Seem like a lot of people back last year were constantly telling me I was on dope or an ex junkie or psycho or crazy remember that?? I do!
Lettuce meat and others as much as I respected her then is the reason why I have not logged into that site since over 6 months
Between the men and the ladies I have been constantly humiliated and disgraced on Twitter as well as adult look more so and they also used tryst to stalk.
So on adultook.. Mama Faye and Tory Lynn.. face set up a Kik group supposedly for the ladies.. it was a setup.
I had uninstalled and several months later reinstalled kik my work kik… I was the only one in the group I got the screenshot I'd have to go find it. That was the only time I was set up because I was set up through Reddit as well people would message me thinking I was talking
To one person but I was actually talking to a group
Tory Lynn had actually flipped me off and cussed me out.
And indy… Who has bought content for me before was in this group… But Indy has gone under several different names…
Oh I'm not done yet
Originally tweeted by Rights4SexWorkers (@Rights4SWers) on June 8, 2021.
https://msrogueofsa.net/if-im-found-dead-this-is-where-you-start/
Again I have screenshots
Today is April 11th on Sunday yesterday on April 10th
@Coyoteri @DesireeAlliance @PhoenixxVIP @intimacywithroo @redlightlegal @swocpdx
I got woke up at 4:01 a.m. by clashing of bottles in the garbage can right by me outside I turned over from sleeping I found my door had been opened
I have woke up later on after I turned over cuz I was so tired from being in fear all day long shaking the bed.
I was just totally wore out from being in fear all day Friday. I turned around and went back to sleep I guess my body couldn't handle it. When I got up to go pay rent about I went in late about 1:00 I noticed the boxes were tumbled over in the ottoman I had used to put
Against the door have been pushed, moved.
Again last night at 9:10 p.m. there was a knock on the door that should not have been there. I didn't say a word I didn't budge I didn't make a sound. They waited for a moment and then decided they were going to try to open the door with
Me in here.
When I hollared "excuse me"
they moved from the door to the window and started messing in it just typed on the window a little bit just intimidate me and said for today I haven't had anything but electronic harassment my network changing
I cannot ever call out for help SAFELY, SECURELY…NOR SECRETLY.
And I cannot go to any of the screening programs with fear of putting another provider into risk of being compromised themselves or compromising the database.
Originally tweeted by Rights4SexWorkers (@Rights4SWers) on April 11, 2021.
Breach Notice with screenshots:
October 16th 2020 hack link Microsoft audit log:
Interactive sign-ins 9-15 thro.ugh 9-22-2020
Clicky visitors 1.14.21
To the head of @Microsoft I do not trust anybody to contact Microsoft directly by phone or by email, But you have an employee in San Antonio or somebody that is certified in Microsoft that is also a developer that has been stalking me through my Microsoft business account
I have purposely not logged in to my email all weekend long And I keep getting notifications saying that I personally have been logging in to my email. This is not true!!! #microsoft needs to handle this!!! Somebody has made a remote domain on my domain and using it for identity
And credit card theft!!! THIS IS AN IDENTITY AND CREDIT CARD THEFT RING GOING THROUGH MY DOMAIN I FOUND OUT THROUGH #ISPYCLOUD
I do not trust Microsoft because all of my calls are being redirected. So therefore I don’t know who I’m speaking with.
But this needs to be handled!
I have been gathering up all the evidence to contact the FBI This is cybercrime to the maximum degree
I have found three different rings
A TRAFFICKING RING
AN IDENTITY THEFT RING
AND A CREDIT CARD THEFT RING
ALL GOING THROUGH MY DOMAIN I’M PRETTY FREAKING TIRED OF IT
@Office @Microsoft @MicrosoftHelps @Office365 Again someone is enjoying my business email more than me I have not logged into my account all weekend long on purpose But yet again I get a notification that I’m logging in to my email. I will not contact support because I do not
Know who to trust My calls get redirected. But they’re using Microsoft IPs all the way in Dublin Ireland by the way two pull a credit card and identity theft ring on my domain. This needs to be handled
Omg i swear this shit NEVER CEASES
Im TRYING to put all THIS evidence in one folder FOR TGE #FBI in my Microsoft personal account and I GET THIS NOTIFICATION FOR MY WORK ACCOUNT saying IT NEEDS ATTENTION
The ONLY reason it needs attention is because SOMEONE HAS TAKEN THE
LIBERTY TO LOG INTO MY ONEDRIVE BUSINESS ACCOUNT AND IT BOOTED ME OUT!!!
Ummm BTW I AM MY IT!!!
I AM THE ONLY ONE ON MYYYYY FREAKING ACCOUNT
THERE SHOULD BE NO ONE ELSE IN MY ORGANIZATION!!!
@Microsoft @MicrosoftHelps @Office @Office365 @FBI @FBISanAntonio
Yes! I have Microsoft “E5” SECURITY PLUS MOBILITY that is for an organization of more
Than 200 I AM THE ONLY ONE IN MY ORGANIZATION!!!!
THIS HAS BEEN GOING ON FOR MORE THAN 3 YEARS NOW, USING MICROSOFT PRODUCTS TO STALK, TORMENT, TAUNT, & TORTURE ME BY SPYING ON ALL OF MY DEVICES I HAVE FOUND SECRET RECORDINGS OF AUDIO AND VIDEO OF ME IN MY CLOUDS,
MY WHOLE WEBSITE IS NOTHING BUT EVIDENCE
https://mylifeasati.code.blog
I have been a #targetedindividual and have been #gangstalked because i have been both #HumanNLaborTrafficked and have turned myself in as a #TraffickedVictim to the #FBI in August and I HAVE ALL #evidence AND
#identities THEY KEEP ME UNDER 24/7 #surveillance, #electronicallyharassing messing uy accounts so that i cannot turn the #evidence in. I CANNOT CONTACT ANYONE THROUGH PHONE OR EMAIL BECAUSE EVERYTHING GETS REDIRECTED
I AM WORKING ON FINISHING UP MY BLOG/LETTER
To the @FBISanAntonio with the needed links to provide
I HAVE ALREADY WRITTEN 3 EMAILS TO THE @Ron_Nirenberg that had been intercepted and ONE LETTER to the @FBI along 3 police reports ALREADY @SATXPolice
https://mylifeasati.code.blog/2021/11/15/false-police-email-my-real-police-reports-8-9-21/,.
https://mylifeasati.code.blog/about/
This page shows shows the death threats along with this Page as well showing the kidnapping threat
https://mylifeasati.code.blog/blog-table-of-contents/
This page explains the codes and riddles they used to torment me with ALONG WITH 200 PREDATORS I HAVE BEEN ABLE TO IDENTIFY
In April on Facebook and here on Twitter I WAS SO IN SO MUCH FEAR OF MY LIFE I WROTE THESE WORDS
“if i end up missing, found dead or if i cannot speak or think for myself WITHOUT COERCION by forced willful compliance, druggedby any kind of mind altering drugs and/or alcohol or
Poisoned by any kind of poisoning or because of brain dama6 from radiation from being Microwaved by DEWs this list is where you start with!”
I STAY IN FEAR IN OF MY LIFE
https://mylifeasati.code.blog/blog-table-of-contents-2/
This page shows the #ElectronicBondage they keep me in
UNDER THE #ViolenceAgainstWomensAct and through #CAMMinistriesOfSanAntonio i waa approved for the #PermanentSection8HousingVoucher because i am both a #VictimOfStalkingandTrafficking
I am NOW set to move in to my nee home soon #UnderTheStalkingProtectionLaws
My address is supposed to be protected
I WILL NOT BE ABLE TO PROTECT MY ADDRESS WITH PEOPLE TAKING LIBERTIES INTO ALL OF MY ACCOUNTS & LOCATING ME USING AN APP CALLED BLIS
THIS NEEDS STALKING PROBLEM NEEDS TO BE HANDLED BEFORE I MOVE SOON
I NEED to get with the #SanAntonioOrganizedCrimeDivision because I CAN SHOW #RICO IN ALL OF THE EVIDENCE I HAVE that they have been trying to stop me from doing!!!! Which is why all tge death threats and kidnapping threats ive had over the last 2 yesrs!!!!
I HAVE BEEN COMBING THROUGH MORE THAN 200 GIGS OF DATA THAT IS #EVIDENCE THATS BEEN OVER THE COURSE OF 5 YEARS TO BE ABLE TO FIGURE OUT ALL THESE CODES AND RIDDLES THAT THEY USE TO HIDE THEIR IDENTITIES WITH
THEY USE THE SEX WORK COMMUNITY TO FIND THEIR PREY TO BAIT
And TOY WITH. THESE THAT ARE IDENTIFIED ARE WELL KNOWN RAPIEST AND STALKERS WITHIN THE SEX WORK COMMUNITY
WHICH IS THE REASON THAT WE NEED #DECRIMINALIZATION
SO THESE PREDATORS CAN BE STOPPED!!!
I have made a YOUTUBE CHANNEL DOCUMENTING WHAT I HAVE BEEN GOING THROUGH
As well as the website that i have made
I am putting together another page for the website showing all the youtube videos i sm in the middle of
“Getting into the mind of your attackers” segment Right now snd have made 3 videos so far explaining HOW I HAVE HAD TO DO MY OWN
INVESTIGATION THESE LAST 2 YEARS
Last night i made a video sending an #UrgentMessage to @POTUS #VicePresidentKamalaHarris To All #LawMakers and #GovernmentOfficials #GovernorAbbott @Ron_Nirenberg @KENS5 @ksatnews about the Trafficking and Gangstalking Problem pleading to
#ChangetheLawsToHelpTraffickingVictims
By #DECRIMINALIZATION
My situation could have been prevented and/or stopped WAY BEFORE NOW HAD THE LAWS BEEN FOR THE VICTIMS INSTEAD OF THE TRAFFICKERS!!!
i really wasn’t ready to put this out yet oh well lol
Again THIS IS SERIOUS!
THEY HAVE ATTACHED AN IDENTITY AND CREDIT CARD THEFT RING ON MY DOMAIN THROUGH @Microsoft
THIS NEEDS TO BE HANDLED!!!
Originally tweeted by Rights4SexWorkers (@Rights4SWers) on November 14, 2021.
False Police Email & My REAL Police Reports 8.9.21
August 9th 2021 the fake police report Email i received
This was done to keep me in fear from going to the authorities, but THIS IS NOT THE FIRST TIME THEY HAVE DONE THIS TO KEEP ME FROM GOING TO THE AUTHORITIES. ..
This is the first time, when someone sent in a screening form with a cops name and number
The second time putting me in fear from going to the authorities acting like a cop trying to bust me for buying slaves on my FetLife profile
The third time they acting like the authorities to keep me in fear from going to the authorities
Now my REAL police reports I made
This is the first report JUNE 21 2021
Second police report AUGUS626TH 2021
Third police report
All three police report numbers together
To Microsoft
Saturday, April 24, 2021
5:04 PM
Okay first of all you can go into my history my support tickets, just about every one of them has to do with either I’m getting notifications of places I have logged into when I know I didn’t I have also sent support tickets about being hacked. Well this is what I’ve been going through. somebody or some people are using Microsoft IP addresses to cover their tracks from login attempts on the website. And they seem to come to the website quite often I have gotten device IDs now. I had busted one person not long ago and talk to the person about it Isabel and told him that I had blocked his IP when I looked this person up it showed another name and that name under that name it showed that he worked for Microsoft and was a big tech guy in the whole nine yards here in San Antonio.
Also my policy settings on my computer were set to impersonate and I’ve been finding a whole lot of different identities that even should never have even been made or even there different I think it’s called you ID or whatever the device identifications the other day it seems like somebody went in there and because I went to my events and saw people going into my credentials in other words super exceeded who I am there’s a trusted installer done that I don’t even have I don’t have access to my damn my settings but they’re tormenting this me this way this is a game to them and they’re using your IP and and stuff to cover their tracks of this horrible game that they’re playing it’s not a game none.
I’ve noticed netshell came up quite a few times there for a while and then that quit. So they’re using netshell to get in as well and hack into the network
I have also found what’s called The clash app on my device it started off with a USB driver and then all of the sun is it showed up as a little blue cat that has the name The clash app this clones devices it can give you a fake IPS fake certificates it can reroute your website addresses and where you want to go to. which I’ve had certificates that say fake certificates now I can’t even get on my website like on my devices I only have one certificate for my website on my computer it has three certificates now I don’t have none I can’t even get on it at all.
Starting from June of last year and then September and then March of this year every 3 months it seems like my phone starts overheating and I get hacked I last month I found UPS everywhere from Amazon Spotify Xbox PlayStation you name it going through my house and on the internet this through my hotspot and that’s it. I couldn’t find that when I pulled up my McAfee last month and it had some weird little writing to it because they’re loving these head games they’re playing with me so that led me to logging into my Microsoft personal account. So when I went to my activity on my personal account and this has been going on forever now for a long time….shows me signing in one time and then right below it it at the same time it shows my ip but then it’s got three or four different sign-ins on that one in other words it shows up four different times the IP this is done this for a long long time on my Microsoft personal as well as my gmails. So this led me to checking out the rest of my data come to find out I had $214 different location lookups between November 14th and December 3rd and when I downloaded my data I do have the device ID.
All of my certificates are for remote computers I don’t want a server I should not have a server hooked up at all. I have an hyper beam and ethernet and Wi-Fi I should not have that I am only one person with my my business and I should not even have it’s just three devices I use and that’s it I SHOULD NOT HAVE ANY OF THIS GOING ON NONE! ZERO!!!!
I have also been finding different files in all of my devices that shouldn’t be there like Macintosh for example I don’t own a Macintosh but I don’t own an iPhone either. they have also sat there when I’m looking straight at my desktop and moved my desktop when I downloaded my data from Google I found a remote peel remote in my data from 2018 and this literally started right about that time and can show it when I didn’t know what was going on I didn’t know anything about this things started disappearing off my desktop.
Here lately I’ve been going through my Gmail I’ve been waking up every morning to any one of my Gmail accounts which now I have like 20 because of all of this my birthday disappearing and not being there just my year. My social security account I can no longer get into it my debit card for that because whoever it is deleted my secret question out of that so I can’t change my password. they are using my cash app card and busted into that and started making charges on it with adding up to Satanic numbers of 666, and then canceling the charges out last week there was three charges in one day starting at 4:01 a.m.
I have gone through every virus program with that clash app does is it split configs on every system file that’s important I do know that much but over the years I’ve gone through every virus program I have dumped and reset the computer clean slate time and time again flush the DNS config delete the whole nine yards I have only learned all this by this harassment and it’s it just continues to escalate I’ve been stalked really bad like this. It’s been a total invasion of my privacy because like I was running at the for my life one more time at the end of March and I could not get on to any sites securely the only site I was able to get on with Facebook and that ended up that person ended up being a part of this somehow by the taunting and stuff. It is going on every weekend right now since March everything has been working fine all week yesterday evening my phone temperature starts shooting up again really high so I knew so it’s like to the point where I can’t even get on the internet with my computer and I need my computer because you can only do so much to a tablet and phone.
and being that the person works for Microsoft or has enticed Microsoft or something I don’t even know if this is going to get to the right person. but here’s what I’m going to tell you I’ve got gigs of this gigs I’m telling you lots of it they’ve been trying to pull down everything that I have and jeopardize and sabotage everything I have since 2018 and I have had it and fed up with it and I want it investigated and I have a shitload of proof to give to you to figure it out.
To begin with you can start with these screenshots. Please don’t call me unless it is specified and we discussed when because of the stalking and because of the phone harassment I’ve been having as well I will not pick up that phone if anybody calls it and it’s not pretty arranged like right off the bat so don’t even bother I will not answer it. I have had too much harassment and stalking and all going on and it keeps escalating and I will not pick up the phone because of it. The best thing for anybody to do is to email me that is the way you will get an a reply from me you will not get it from the phone because it is not a trigger.
oh yeah I cannot forget to let you know about the secret recordings video and audio recordings that I’ve been finding in my clouds that’s been taken on my devices that I was not aware of by the way now I have to keep tape over all of my stuff, my cameras.
I also found a spyIPwebsite and stuff in my site storage through my edge browser. And of course no matter what I tried to do as far as deleting this it all comes back and I know they’re like close to me personally and not personally I’ve known this is directed at me because they are going to my website on all the time basis this is not just a q a hacker that wants money and whatever this is somebody who is in the San Antonio that is aware of me knows who I am and has continued to stalk me and torment me in these ways so this is a direct deal this isn’t just a random hacker.
Thank you very much
Michelle MsRogue
Targeted: The New Modern Day Slavery 
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