Im here to tell all of you now, when i found that my phone was UNLOCKED, i couldn’t do anything but just sit there and cry! Look at the motions and gestures settings… I DID NOT DO ANY OF THIS. NONE OF THESE SETTINGS WERE SET LIKE THIS!!! The SOS settings, wifi control settings… NONE OF THESE WERE SET LIKE THIS!!!
These 3 blog post come from my S 10plus, next coming up is my galaxy A21 what i found on there, THATS IMPORTANT TO TAKE NOTICE OF
I know this is gross but i mean IT IS WHAT IM EXPERIENCING. And im OCD i clean my brush out every time i brush my hair
MIND YOU THIS ONE DAY!!!! …. ONE DAY…
AND THIS IS PART ONE, PART TWO IS COMING NEXT…
So to actually “get the FULL FEEL of it” … Add these links with THIS ONE…
Electronic Harassment Described
Wednesday October 13th
Logged into my Microsoft Home account. We have “unknown browsers” And then we have nine sign-ins total on one So it seems my phone must be cloned about EIGHT TIMES. Or more… Im sure
Dealt with botnet issues in march and april of this year. Off of a VPN, on a SECURE HOME INTERNET 100 OF THEM
NFC high
But from JUST TWO DIFFERENT IP ADDRESSES
Ummm MY DARK WEB MONITORING WAS FREAKING TURNED ON!!! SOMEBODY WAS IN MY ACCOUNT AND TURNED IT OFF!
programmers is to use a combination of drugs and hypnosis. Drugs are used to facilitate hypnosis.
Modern drugs do almost all the work for the programmer they place the individual in a changed state
and distort many perceptions of the subject. The distortions induced by the drugs are used to the
programmers benefit.
Hypnosis or hypnotic trance is a form of dissociation. There are a number of types of dissociation:
amnesia, subject states, localized paralyses, anaesthesia’s, and hallucinations. Hypnosis can
reproduce all of these dissociative states.
During the hypnotic trance, the human mind is at the pinnacle of its ability to quickly learn. What may
take years to learn, will be accepted by the subject’s subconscious in a few sessions.
The brain operates at several different brain-wave patterns. The brainwave patterns here are listed
from the most active states of our life to the most relaxing; Beta (15-40 cycles per second), Alfa (9-
14 cycles per second), Theta (5-8 cycles per second), Delta (2-4 cycles per second).
Hypnosis is a very powerful means to take the mind of the subject into the different levels of
consciousness and brainwave activity. The voice of the programmer is used in specialized hypnotic i
deepening, inductions and confusion techniques is able to artificially induce lowered brain wave
frequency into the Alpha, Theta and Delta states. The programmer will use the art of timing their
words, repetition, combining several mutually supporting suggestions, and of having total confidence
in their words to add strength to their hypnotic commands.
There are three states of consciousness; the conscious mind, subconscious and super conscious. These
levels of consciousness represent differing degrees of intensity of awareness.
The conscious mind includes such things as the sensations, perceptions, memories, feeling and
fantasies inside of our current awareness. The conscious mind is limited by its analytical nature, and
therefore sees all things as separate and distinct.
The things the conscious mind wants to keep hidden from awareness are repressed into the
unconscious mind. This is the deeper part of the mind that is responsible for processing thousands of
things at any one time and for storing everything we have experienced in life in differing degrees of
importance.
The third level of consciousness Super conscious is where programmers want to work. Intuition and
heightened mental clarity flow from super conscious. Programmers also think this area of
consciousness is where spiritual awareness is.
There are three levels of trance states used in programming: The first level is that of a light trance. In
this level, the subject does not feel as if in trance state. They are fully aware of the noises in their
environment. Although regressions and progressions can be done at this level, the information
obtained is not very clear. Ninety five percent of individuals can achieve a light trance.
The second is a medium trance. In this state the subject is more relaxed. In a medium trance, the
Saturday October 9th, 2021
When a targeted individual talks about being electronically harassed they are not just talking about getting hacked, identity theft or even cyber bullied/stalked. Although that is a good portion of what we go through. I honestly wish it was just ” that” kind of harassment. What we go through is much worse than what can be imagined.
For example, earlier this morning I felt my body start tensing up inside, for no particular reason. Feeling anxious, stressed…even though EVERYTHING is going great and am really happy. I shouldn’t be having this “tenseness” inside me like this. Throughout the day, it’s almost like someone was sitting there with a dial controller in their hands and little by little kept turning it up
i begin to feel the jolts quickly going through my body, my head, my eyes, my arms, legs. I can feel the agitatetion grow throughout my body. I try so hard to control my reactions, as my body is experiencing all these jolts and pin pricks, as well as the agitatetion inside. This is when people start to think im “mad”. “IF ONLY THAT WERE THE CASE,” I scream out in my head.
It gets to the point to where sounds hurts, LITERALLY HURTS, Each pot that drops, people talking to me all at once, tv’s going all at once, each time a beat to a song, even cars passing by sends massive jolts throughout my whole body that you see my body jolt. TOTAL SENSORY OVERLOAD TO WHERE I START TO ACT LIKE IM FREAKING OUT!!! My mouth starts shivering and I’m clanking my jaws, sweat starts to pour out of skin to where I’m dripping, clammy. My heart gets to beating to hard and LOUD, Each rushed heartbeat is like loud drums in my ears, that I jolt with beat of heart. IT HURTS SO BAD, I get to the point I start to cry, I can’t help it. I guess it would look like I’m having a total meltdown. It’s so torturess that I begin to start screaming, “JUST STOP PLEASE STOP, I CANT TAKE NO MORE.”
I can’t explain, I can’t even talk at this point. It forces my adrenaline to go through the roof. I feel myself shivering and shaking so so much that it feels like I’m literally vibrating myself off of the gound. ,
My vision begins to start to blur, i get discombobulated and disoriented
For example the other night anout a week ago I went to walk to the store, the ground kept shifting from my feet, I fell a few times, I got dizzy and so blurred it felt like I was going blind, I didn’t know my direction, to where I remember I kept asking each person I passed where this store was. I couldn’t find it, what’s weird is I go to this store all the time. I was sweating profusely. I had passed two different cops, I can tell you I know I was thinking in my head that the signs I was exerting they would had IMMEDIATELY thought me to be so high on drugs they would have not blinked an eye, and could’ve/would’ve thrown my butt in jail without a blink of an eye….. TOTALLY STRAIGHT!!!!
I was so tired feeling, back was killing me and I just kept walking…or more like “wondering” and I guess it was THAT noticable even though I tried to me keep my composure. That someone in a wheelchair across the street asked me if I was ok. When I finally made it back and described my experience to my roommates, they had said it sounded like symptoms of a small heart attack.
Different lights even bother me now. Gives me like a sensory overload as well. It’s like I almost have to have no sound, no light…just literally NO LIFE MOVEMENT around me anymore. It’s very bothersome to say the least. I’ve been living on my own for 5 years, living with ALL of the lights on, EVERY LIGHTBULB ON, 24/7 BEING IN TOTAL COMPLETE FEAR, that’s even how I slept…WHEN MY BODY FINALLY PASSES OUT FROM SHEAR EXHAUSTION. Wherever I’m at, at that time. Even found myself passed out waking up to my face in my last bowl of ice cream one time. With many many times passed out standing on my feet. With the tv on but very very low.. watching me instead of me watching it. Just enough noise to so that it helps me with being alone. And staying in one spot doing computer work all the time. THAT’S ALL I KNOW.
Now that I’m living with others, having roommates it’s a trial and error kind of thing of all these “new” things that are happening to me that I don’t understand. And I try to so hard to control these things, to “Adapt and Overcome” them. It’s totally not easy…ESPECIALLY FOR THOSE THAT AROUND ME. I don’t even want to imagine or know what I may look like to others.
Let’s talk the crickets I hear in my left ear, that at times sounds like a squeaking wheel that needs LOTS of WD-40 to it, LIKE THE WHOLE CAN. Lol and other times sounds like a low hum, like static that I’ve been dealing with since 2019. That became so bothersome ESPECIALLY on the night in April of 2019 when I THOUGHT I was experiencing “hell on earth” while being harassed on Twitter. It seems like I was experiencing this before that night, but this night was when it became to be ALL THE TIME, NEVER STOPPING.
Electronic Harassment “described” would be The “Car Alarms” that go off all of a sudden for 3, 5, 10, 15 and 20 second intervals. At first, it seems like its just a car alarm, but if you begin to document these so called timings, you begin to notice a pattern to the times that they go off and the patterns in the times that they last. This is not ONLY HARASSMENT but also PROGRAMMING your subconscious mind.
The first time I started experiencing the “car alarm noise disturbance/programming campaign/harassment” was in April of this year. When I was also experiencing ” mind warping of my childhood memories” with “hypnotism through mind altering music” which I will get to describing later.
The “car alarm harassment” started AGAIN October 5th, just recently and now that there is a dog here. Apparently when the alarm goes off, there must be a high frequency pitch because he starts to go nuts and starts growling and barking. And the ONLY time he barks is when someone is at the door.
Here’s an example of how the car alarm patterns look like. What I have documented since the 5th.
I’ll be going farther into details about the rest of the harassment, but for now I just wanted to express what it’s FEELS LIKE considering the words FINALLY came to me.
This is NOT a complete list but I thought I’d just list what was off the top of my head really quickly.
This is being updated throughout the month as it happens
Sunday October 3rd
Monday October 4th
Tuesday October 5th
Wednesday October 6th
Made 2 YouTube videos showing just how much investigation paperwork I got
Thursday October 7th
Friday October 8th
Saturday October 9th
Sunday October 9th
Monday October 11th
Wednesday October 13th
Thursday October 14th
Friday October 15th
Saturday October 16th
Sunday October 17th
Monday October 18th
NOW MIND YOU… I WAA HURTI6 SOOO BAD THIS NIGHT THAT I HAD PASSED OUT IN PAIN AND I’VE BEEN HURTING THROUGH WEDNESDAY… I was in bed most of this week… NOT FEELING GOOD AT ALL… AND ON TOP HAVING TO DEAL WITH “ALL THIS”
Tuesday October 19th
Wednesday October 20th
Ok here’s a quick run down
Thursday, February 25, 2021
5:51 PM
Yes, my reasons for posting all of these posts are very specific. This is not just this oh she’s doing it just to be a bitch or whatever issue. And this sure in the hell isn’t done in my ignorance either.
Over the course of the last three and a half years I continually experienced things that you just don’t normally experience with normal everyday living. These unusually high volume occurrences that I have been experiencing throughout this time we’re situations that I could not explain, couldn’t figure out
The best ones yet
The most important of all
MY LIFE, MY HOME, MY FINANCES, MY PEACE, MY PRIVATE LIFE, MY PRIVATE RELATIONSHIPS ALL DISRUPTED TURNED UPSIDE AND INSIDE OUT, IN RUINS AND HAVE LOST EVERY FUCKING THING I HAVE HAD GAINED THE LAST FOUR TIMES DOWN TO HAVING TO STILL A PAIR OF FLIP-FLOPS AND THAT’S ALL I HAVE TO MY NAME AS FAR IS CONCERNED.
Saturday, November 7, 2020
9:26 PM
Okay so let’s go even further let’s break this down to where there’s an understanding of what method was used the technique and the reasoning behind it.
• 1. First off we have the person that I came here with abandoned me. So this is the beginning of abandonment.
• 2. Everything of mine that I came here with being stolen. That would cause desperation loss of sense of control and I mean completely loss of life right off the bat. And then also vulnerability
• 3. The armed robbery trying to push me into doing things illegal while I’m left vulnerable with not many choices how did that desperation trying to gain what I’ve lost.
• 4. Letting me know that they were cartel supposedly. This is the beginning of instilling fear into me, panic stricken Fear.
• 5. Then they were cartel leaving the vulnerable with no identification no none of my personal items and none of my
• 6. with spending money leaving you out of resources that you need to be gaining at this point
• 1. Came down to there was no choice but to trust anybody at this point• 2. My vulnerabilities
• 3. Here is where we are going into my ignorance of it all
• 4. Again we are dealing with overloaded stress, overloading mentally physically and emotionally
• 5. And then we have blac,kmail, which again instills fear.
• 6. And this also leads me to believe it is my son which of course is to drive a wedge between family.
• 7. Which is an isolation tactic,
• 8. along with the fear into family members causing distrust
So he put me up for a month and with spring sweets that’s when he introduced me to Moco and that’s when I got blackmail by my so-called son. During which time I kept getting bombed I didn’t know what that was. I miss you seeing my personal emails my personal kik and my phone number I didn’t know any better I was left to do whatever on my own and I am just trying to wing it the whole way. So basically on his left again abandonment to a point I mean he was married I got it but then he also instilled the Dom role took upon that and my servitude toward him.
He had invited me to go to the Astros game with him. I have been pretty excited when he came to pick me up, once I got into the car he apparently was in a very bad mood for whatever was going on and it was more than an intense time driving to Houston.
Needless to say that it was not what I had planned or what I bought was going to happen he was in very bad mood and I cuddled up to the door to the car. So at the game we tried to wait we had an okay time and it’s okay but it’s still I was still on kind of freaked out. And during when we got back to the room it was more bad mood kind of stuff. So I’m regarded back to the things that I do with myself and try to find comfort when I’m about alone or when I’m in this situation soi reverted back to writing and some music.
Before we left the next day, we went walking and stuff and he showed me some things he talked to me about some things he was pretty good better than the night before but I was still my own edge about him. kind of frightened me.
1. I felt alone
2. One more time scared
3. Placed in a another unknown town unknown situation and not knowing how to get out of it I’m having to deal with it and make the best of whatever so I had to appease the situation Said that it wouldn’t flare up anymore. Being that I did not know what to do or how to handle it in a way in case some it would make it flare up anymore. I did the best I could do with appeasing the situation instead
After a month we got back together we talked about it figured out what we’re going but I was doing so it’s best I’ll probably just get out of this whatever. So okay we go on our merry way I go to floresville. During which time, somebody acting like Larry Garner contact me this big old deal he wants to do he wants me to work on the whole nine yards and then come down to the fact of it all once I send him my disability check in order for me to do this job or whatever. A total scam of course. I contact Larry Garner himself cuz we’re friends and of course that’s when I get confirmation it wasn’t him.
So here we already have people on my Facebook I’m not aware of don’t realize what’s going on who is already speaking to me getting personal information out of me trying to you know enable trust and talking and just confiding in them and leaving myself one more time vulnerable.
1. More getting involved into my personal relationships to drive a wedge in between my friends and I
2. My vulnerabilities
,3. And then obviously if it’s a scam too take more money from me.
Sunday, November 8, 20208:26 AM
Here’san analogy I’m hoping and thinking that everybody can be able to grasp
Close your eyes and visualize the hunger games. You’re not a spectator…. YOU ARE THE GAME… YOU ARE THE HUNTED… YOU ARE THE ONE TO BE KILLED… YOU ARE THE PRIZE!!!!
There’s no basic training, there’s no warning, there’s no passing go and collecting $200. You are alone all alone no support nobody to call on nobody but the trees the grass the wilderness the animals….and YOU!!!…. You have no defense no weapons you weren’t given a knife even a fork you weren’t giving nothing standing naked alone no one to turn to and they’re coming after….YOU…. YOU ARE THE DEER THEY ARE FUCKING HUNTING!!!
Where do you go, your naked. You begin to panic you spin around looking where to hide your body, where to protect yourself….Where do you hide there ain’t nothing but you the sky and the ground. That panic turns into fear ……. Now you have PANIC AND FEAR… THE BODY IS ON FIGHT OR FLIGHT MODE YOUR HEART IS PALPITATING ALMOST TO THE POINT OF A HEART ATTACK….. AS YOU ARE TRYING TO THINK STRAIGHT AND FIGURE OUT …..How are you going to defend yourself naked alone nowhere to hide and no weapon of choice matter of fact no fucking weapon at all. It’s just and a lot of them and one other thing… ENDURANCE!!!!…… HOW MUCH INSURANCE DO YOU HAVE WHEN YOU IN A CONSTANT STATE OF PANIC STRICKEN FEAR AND FIGHT OR FLIGHT MODE TRYING TO DEFEND YOURSELF ALL TIMES OF YOUR LIFE OVER THE COURSE OF TWO YEARS YOU BECOME AN ANIMAL THEY TREAT YOU TO BE
THEY PLAY YOU LIKE THE GAME CAT AND MOUSE. THEY TOY WITH YOU TAUNT YOU MAKE YOU THINK THAT YOU’VE GOT FOOD AND WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN YOU’RE ABOUT TO CLOSE YOUR MOUTH ON THAT LITTLE BITTY PIECE OF MORSEL….. YOU’VE BECOME MEAN AND YOU FIGHT FOR THAT FUCKING MORSEL THAT YOU WERE ABOUT TO PUT YOUR TEETH IN YOUR THAT FUCKING HUNGRY. THAT FUCKING PANIC YOU GOT THAT MUCH FEAR OF BEING HUNGRY AGAIN YOU FUCKING ATTACK LIKE THE ANIMAL YOU’VE BEEN TREATED…. YOU’VE BECOME AN ANIMAL YOU’RE NO LONGER HUMAN BECAUSE YOU’VE BEEN DEHUMANIZED AND STRIPPED OF ALL HUMANITY THERE’S NOTHING LEFT OF HUMANITY AROUND OR ABOUT YOU……. BY A TREE DOWN THERE THEY GOT A ROPE TIED TO IT AND YANK IT FROM YOUR MOUTH! YOU’RE PLAYED WITH TOYED WITH TAUNTED TORMENTED TORMENT YOUR DREAMS AND YOU SEE THE DEVIL HIMSELF RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU AND HONEY BELIEVE ME HE’S NOT A GOOD LOOKING FELL OW THAT MOTHERFUCKING MONSTER IS WORSE THAN ANY STEPHEN KING MOVIE AND EVER HORROR MOVIE INVOLVED COMBINED IN YOUR FACING NOTHING BUT THE DEVIL TWIN WITH YOUR MIND YOUR BODY YOUR SPIRIT YOUR SOUL EVERY PIECE ABOUT YOU. THE GROUP LEAVES SOME BRANCHES SOMETHING YOU CAN START BUILDING SOME LODGING WITH NEXT THING YOU KNOW IT COMES TO CRASHING DOWN AND THAT’S A STORM FUCKING HITTING YOU FROM EVERY WHICH DIRECTION HOW DO YOU HIDE FROM IT WHERE DO YOU GO HOW DO YOU DEFEND YOURSELF HOW DO YOU EAT HOW DO YOU KEEP THE STRENGTH TO KEEP THE FUCKING ENDURANCE. … THAT’S THE WHOLE GAME. TO SEE HOW MUCH PRESSURE THEY CAN PUT ON YOU AND HOW MUCH IT TAKES TO KILL YOU YOU ARE THE FUCKING HUNTED HUNGER GAME¡!!!!¡!!!!!!!!!
AND …. THAT MY FRIENDS IS REALITY…
And I capitalized it all on purpose.
Oh by the way no I’m not crazy no I’m not psycho I can actually hold a very intelligent conversation still add subtract multiply and divide even though I was never good at math I can hold and juggle right at 100 admin apps still dress myself bathe myself cook try to pay bills if I had the money to do so and still put up with all of your bullshit in the meantime learn what I need to learn to do all these apps take the pressure I’ve been taking continually wipe everyone’s ass and drama and pay for it that everyone leaves me to do and wipe up clean and pay for all the while I’m dealing with hell!! I’D SAY FOR WHAT I HAVE GONE THROUGH I AM FUCKING HOLY CLEAR CRYSTAL GOD DAMN CLEAR FULLY SEEN AND I HAVE GOD DAMN SURVIVED FOR YEARS OF THIS I’D SAY I’M ONE OF THE GODDAMN LUCKY ONES THUS FAR AND I EVEN KNOW THE STAGE OF WHERE I’M AT RIGHT NOW BEING THAT IF ONE MORE FUCKING PERSON TELLS ME I’M CRAZY I’M STRONG OR I’M SORRY I WILL GO TO KILLING SOME PEOPLE YES I’M AT THE HOMICIDAL STAGE I ADMIT IT I I AM ONLY THE ANIMAL THAT YOU HAVE TREATED ME TO BE I HAVE BECOME THAT ANIMAL I HAVE BEEN BEING EXPERIMENT OF CAUSE AND EFFECT THIS IS THE EFFECTS OF WHAT YOU CAUSED THAT YOU NEVER WANTED TO SEE THAT HAS BEEN IN FRONT OF YOUR FACE THE WHOLE ENTIRE TIME. THAT’S FACT JACK!
I mean how can you tell any one person and actually get across what it feels like not just to know but to actually know what it feels like to have to start being so freaking anal about how things are placed in your home how you place them exactly the way you place them and the reasons behind it just to be able to make sure that you keep your sanity intact while everyone around you literally everyone is telling you your fucking crazy your psycho grown dope you’re an exobatic making you question your sanity in your stability along with everyone making sure that they try to put doubt in your head about your own sanity.
Personally speaking it made me relate to Eminem, Munchausen syndrome. Everybody telling you you’re sick when the only thing you’re fucking sick of and from….if people that don’t have the degrees to tell you you’re sick going around trying to tell you you’re fucking sick and to try and make it their damn hardest to get you to believe that you’re sick when you fucking know you’re not sick. something going to be wrong with you if they can’t understand what the fuck is going on with you when they’re not living in your fucking shoes is the only thing you’re damn well sick of. And yes this is my damn own words all right. being that my mother just always had to tell me that I had a demon in me or I had this or something wrong with me or my child had fucking autism when he was just ADHD the whole nine yards people want to go around telling you you fucking sick when you fucking not and they don’t live in your shoes that was what pisses me off and this is what happens to you you start relating shit to Eminem I swear to God you do.
For anybody that may be going through this that ran across this article, if there was nothing wrong with you beforehand there ain’t nothing wrong with you now nothing wrong but people fucking with you!!! THAT I CAN GUARANTEE YOU!!!!
You know it’s the same thing if you call somebody stupid constantly they’re going to start believing it what it does it breaks down the psyche it breaks down the confidence level the self-esteem and it makes the person believe they’re not worthy they’re not worthy to have anybody they’re not worthy to eat they’re not worthy to be alive essentially. This is what you’ve constantly seen happen with me.
To constantly have to beg gravel plead for just food and roof over my head and validates me that tells us to tell me that I am not worthy of having human rights like everybody else is. To tell me I’m psycho or crazy constantly by each person doing so continually everyday everyday all the time by 50 different people whenever one person says I didn’t do that but don’t understand the multitude of times that’s being told to me it wears you down it’s a process of wearing down each and every part of your self mentally physically and emotionally.
Just for those who are actually finding this article that actually may be going through this…. THE ONLY FUCKING THING WRONG WITH YOU IS PEOPLE FUCKING WITH YOU CONSTANTLY AND THAT IS FUCKING IT I GUARANTEE IT!!
In this screenshot here you will notice if you take a really close look at what’s going on this is the beginning of questioning my mental stabilities. Asking if I’ve been institutionalized is the beginning stages of discrediting me in the community the city within my peers my work peers my friends boyfriends. This is part of the beginning of the breakdown that you don’t even realize that’s happening
Also in the screenshot you also see where I’m being invalidated about getting a nose job, what that does that’s part of the beginning of breaking down my worth my self-worth.
To continually cross my boundaries is to enforce that I am not worthy of any boundaries it’s also a form of instilling a feeling of sense of loss of control as well as boundaries can be used as a part of noise irritation, as well as creating triggers.
Understanding once the triggers are made into the victim it starts a snowballing effect it creates panic fear distortion it sends the victim into a spinning downward spiral it creates sweat shakes shivers the person cannot think it’s it starts a whole big snowballing effect that just sends the victim into not being able to function whatsoever.Once the triggers are made basically all they have to do is just keep reinforcing it and eventually no matter what the triggers will be there potentially lifelong so then it doesn’t even matter they can sit back and relax and let the triggers take its course and do its own job that they have intended on these certain triggers to do to the victim.
Also to understand this is a form of brainwashing and is also hypnotic as well. So for the intended victim without realizing it they go into a hypnosis.
This triggers can be made in the form of being bombarded. What’s been used on me is form bombing email bombing kik bombing telegram bombing screening form bombing comment bombing from the website itself. not knowing my work phone but my real phone numbers being text called and all I was of the night the day constantly continually not knowing who it is this creates the panic and then of course you don’t know who it is that’s doing this that is instilling the fear of course.
How easily these triggers can be made is unbelievable when you realize just how easily it can be done. The brainwashing and along with the hypnotic tendencies part of this it is phenomenal in my eyes.
It can be as simple as someone in a generalized conversation you don’t even know or maybe somebody that you know says to you, “we need some rain” “it needs to rain” ” “we haven’t had rain in about a month” or take for example when it was raining thunderstorming in July right when it was starting to rain I would give a text, ” it’s thunderstorming” ” is it raining over there yet”, ” it’s raining”
I had realized that this person was putting triggers into me I had been hoping it was a positive trigger but nonetheless it was a trigger and it was brainwashing and it was also hypnotic as well.
Now understand that this if you will notice the patterns they’re like I said they’re very synchronized and it all comes in spurts of In Waves you’ll notice that people passing you by will say yes don’t you think we need some rain it’s been dry lately just things like that that are so general so not even able to pick up but when it continually is happening and people are passing you by or you’re talking on the phone with people to get this every time that you’re speaking with someone it does become then become trigger hypnotic and brainwashing
This screenshot tells me that my boundaries what I say it can be bought. As part of the triggering process that’s already been instilled in me this got me upset because of triggers that have been made. And you must understand again this came in a way of spurts like recently back in August someone had came to me filled out the contact form said that I had screened him back in December I said he needed to be rescreened again. And when I did his screening I required him to send me his ID cuz it wasn’t matching up. So I had passed him in December, I explained that I was letting a lot of people go because of their emails not matching up or something not matching up and that I wasn’t doing that anymore. Upon me requiring his ID the next morning I woke up to $205 put into my cash app. Which of course given enough time I’m kind of forgot about the situation right until the other night when he reminded me I think I paid for an hour then I went and found on him because I am not going to handle that kind of manipulation and I know with the underlining statements that are being made throughout all this.
Of course then the other night cuz he wanted to meet up Friday and I didn’t answer back so this Friday night Saturday morning I got threatening emails stating that he was going to put reviews out on me all over the place.
In these two screenshots here you can see where he is already calling me delusional and I like her which is putting my mental stability he’s already invalidating me and then also he’s already he’s threatening me it’s threatening my honor my integrity and that instills fear which instills the fight or flight mode as well. This is manipulation and the brainwashing is included
Disclaimer: when I stated that I was going to protect you before doing and after your visits does not mean that I’m going to continue to enable you to hurt me threaten me manipulate me or anything else to me therefore putting my life into shambles alike has been done. Standing up for myself is not a crime and I will not have this shit any longer you are my attackers one by one as a whole collectively it has done more damage than you would ever can imagine for the normal person reading this.
I am not the bad person here, and to tell me that I am by doing this and showing exactly what’s been done to explain to those that may be going through Gangstalking themselves and showing exactly what to look for it’s not the crime. I refuse to pay for these crimes that you commit on me I am not the center here I am not the one committing these crimes I will not pay for these crimes committed I do not own them they are not mine to own.
In this screenshot see how each word has period after it this is also a very subtle form of brainwashing that is used manipulating words numbers names variations of different things that equal out to be mean underlining means which is subliminal actually and I’ll be going even further and showing that here even more so soon later on throughout the blogs.
I didn’t realize this for a very long time it took a while. To understand that there is nothing sacred to these people that they will exploit every living part of you is to go without saying. I’ve had spiritual exploitation, the situation with my son has been exploited my feelings have been exploited my pictures have been exploited and used for fake ads and spam to mess all my advertising accounts up. De an Publix chaining and disgracing has been a part of being exploited. Team effects of this is tremendous compounded on top of each other when it’s done all the time by everybody you are coming in contact with. on top of the fact that you don’t know where it’s coming from you don’t know who is doing it everything is convertingly done under the radar.
I’d like to add in here that being exploited spiritually the way I have been the last couple of years that induced fear as well as never feeling safe in my home so that it took away every bit of safety I’ve had with my own homes. And to be able to describe what that feels like to never feel safe in your home I can’t it’s a feeling that’s undescribable it’s horrifying actually.
And also compounded on the abandonment issue with the isolation the fear is more than panic stricken…way more
If you’ve had not been able to pick up on it already each one of these tactics are for multiple different reasoning and provide multiple different feelings and emotions and stuff within the targeted victim. So there’s not just going to be one use by one thing there’s several different meanings behind each method used.
The take the most recent example which was last night. I got an email saying they wanted to see me and wanted to know how to go about it so I sent the screening form in okay to him. Well I got the spring form he put his name with just his first and the last name as an initial. That right there tells me he completely ignored everything I was saying .. invalidation. The phone number was a business phone number how much is his only he said it’s only line. Email was the email that I could not bring up even though it had associations to do with the business. He sent the deposit e vanilla gift card. But I never received it and he sent screenshots showing that he’s been the money and he sent another screenshot showing that his email needed to be validated and that it could take up to 24 hours for me to receive it so far I still haven’t received it and he wanted to know if I would see him I said well I kind of don’t feel right about it I’m a little unsure about it considering the situation he said okay and he would see what he could do.
With all this in mind I’ve done a screening that I’ve had to pay for that I cannot afford the fact that he did not leave his full name was a sign right off the bat to me. This was not good and I knew something was up.
Again things are very subtle and whether it isn’t and that way or not it ended up being that way.
Here’s another example I found to be very interesting once I realized it. The married man at one point here recently before I had to leave the other place contacted me and said that he had gotten to mask from Italy that he wanted to bring it by. I said okay. Neither one of them I liked at all. And when I was packing to leave over there I realized the messaging behind the two mask. One was the 😦 from the theater mask that I don’t collect I don’t collect this kind of mask I collect Mardi gras mask with this the other one was like a Mardi gras mask but it was a square. Would it look like was a mask that would be used in the Renaissance days as a shield it was square I did not like the associations to do with either one of them.
The exploitation is massive I can be here forever on this one
Again I can be on this one forever as well. Everything and anything is torment and taunting. Everything from whatever you say or put out there online it has been used in in the form of santanic associations whether it’s names emails or adding up numbers in an email like say for example phone numbers and birthdays will equal out to 666. This one like I said it’s massive. And I’ll go over each one and explain them
As I have reflected back on things I realize there’s three incidents where the torment and the taunting and the stalking was done to instill fear of the law.
Example number one: last September when I was right before I moved off of bandera someone filled out a screening form put in the sheriff’s name number and email and said they wanted to see me at 1:00 in the morning needless to say I was on Twitter and was scared to death. And of course I shut down everything that weekend which did not allow me to work and make money. And then of course I go in talk to the girls about this as well.
Example number two: on my FetLife I’m trying to do videos and everything one night I have someone who automatically gets on my bed life looks like a cop and starts talking about buying slaves actual trafficking and this is what you’ve seen in the screenshots before course I did not know this you know I’m freaking out right so this is again instilling fear into me thinking that the law is after me and make me Fair deal so that I don’t go to them.
Example number three: on Twitter I have someone following me that DM’s name and says he’s an Interpol investigator from New Jersey and would like to ask if I would allow him to get to know me better. Again instilling even more fear into me that the law is after me and so that I don’t go to them.
And just took up there and show you the amount of torn oil that is given to you I’m going to put it all into one weekend of what happened during the time I got this screening form that was a Friday night with the sheriff’s name and number on it and then I’m going to show you exactly what took place during all of this time frame.
To explain this set of screenshots this is a provider that lived above me on the third floor on bandera we met through a mutual friend personal friend who I met upload Moco matter of fact.
I have company over that has nothing to do with nobody as soon I mean as soon as he close the door to leave, my real phone number starts ringing my room phone number start swinging my work number start swinging she starts texting my work number she’s texting my real number and then she comes and bangs on my door yes all of the above. She starts accusing me of having our mutual friend in my room which is none of her concern who gives a fuck if I did supposedly something about she he hasn’t answered her calls well I don’t know anything about it and that’s not my business and yes of course I’m getting very pissed and this is what you see is me being pissed because of what she did she’s a provider only advertises on adult look and she’s on Kik go figure another common denominator in all this and here she is trying to beat my door down with all this accusations yes you see my temper raised you sure fucking do.
Now all this turmiol and drama is just flat out coming out of the blue okay left field out of nowhere just to cause turmoil and my home this is what I mean about people bringing their shit to me.
To explain this screenshot, this person did not leave a booking fee deposit. And upon me reading this it is like something came over me I got a headache I got dizzy I got weed I got started sweating and I got a tired tired tired, it drained everything out of me and kind of going to sleep I had to, couldn’t help it maybe very sick to my stomach.
So the phone number itself adds up to 666 as well as the email if you look at it it tells you to add up the numbers which also ends up coming up to be 666. All of this is considered to be torment and taunting in the satanic way and of course this is also still reiterating The Fear factor there
Thursday, February 4, 2021
11:00 PM
Ohh but so many of you have a guilty conscience and caring a heavy heart. You have shown me time and time again you continue to grow restless as i have quietened my inner self. That’s exactly when you come with all that noise you bring to me!!!
You’ve sent clear Messages trying to keep me rattled up in fake fear. I see the tables are now turned. As I sent a letter tonight, ONE MORE TIME LISTENING TO THE ADVICE HE GAVE TO ME, PUTTING THE SHAME AND BLAME EXACTLY WHERE IT RIGHTLY GOES…. An email from someone that’s already in my contacts list.
Even as i stated in my reply back to “are you available.” One more time telling on yourselves again. ALWAYS HAVING TO BE NOSY, ALL UP IN MY BUSINESS… JUST TO SEE WHERE I’M AT AND WHAT I’M UP TO.
Yessssss I KNOW MY SILENCE IS SO EARTH SHATTERING UNWELCOMING FOR YOU!!!!
Ya know i USED TO BE EXACTLY LIKE ALL OF YOU! I KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO ALWAYS CARRY A HEAVY HEART THAT GOES ALONG WITH A GUILTY CONSCIENCE. I LEARNED THOUGH, IT’S NOT WORTH ANY OF IT IN THE END.
SEEMS LIKE THE ONLY TIME I BECOME RESTLESS WITHIN MY SOUL IS WHEN I HAVE THE INFLUENCE OF OTHERS MAKING ME FEEL GUILTY OF THEIR OWN SHAME. JUST LIKE TONIGHT ONCE I LET IT GO AND DID NOT OWN WHAT’S NOT MINE TO OWN, MY PEACE SETTLES BACK IN AGAIN.
You grow restless because im now the unpredictable one.
I HAVE NOTHING LEFT TO LOSE, AS YOU HAVE TAKEN ALL FROM ME, AS YOU HAVE MADE ME PAY FOR THE GOD AWFUL VILE DIRTY DEEDS YOU HAVE DONE TO ME.
I REFUSE TO OWN NOR FEEL THE SHAME THAT IS YOURS TO FEEL!!! GOD WILL NOT BE BRINGING UP YOUR ACCOUNTABLY WHEN ISTAND BEFORE HIM, WHEN ITS MY TIME TO BE JUDGED… BY GOD AND ONLY GOD…
STAND IN YOUR SHADOWS KEEPING TABS ON ME. I HAVE NOTHING TO HIDE NOR DO I EVEN CARE. YOU ARE NOT WORTH ALL THAT NEGATIVE TIME AND ENERGY WORRYING ABOUT ALL OF YOU… AS YOU’VE SPENT WORRYING ABOUT ME!!!!!
😁 YOU’RE JIG IS NOW UP…. I KNOW THE WHOLE GAME LAND SEE WITH GREAT CLAIRTY AND SEE STRAIGHT THROUGH ALL OF THIS NO NON SENSE BULLSHIT YOU CONTINUE TO TRY TO BRING TO ME…
HOW MUCH DO YOU HAVE TO LOSE WHILE YOU WORRY IN YOUR BOOTS..
“ALWAYS DO THE RIGHT THING NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO”
HAD YOU ALL HAVE BEEN PRACTICING THE LAWS OF THE UNIVERSE YOU WOULDN’T be all up in my ass being nosy worrying about the Joneses now would you???!!!!
Journal entry people being experts on other people’s lives
Wednesday, January 27, 2021
4:51 PM
I just can’t stand it and I can’t understand it really I just can’t understand it…
People have never been in my shoes
How can you walk in my shoes when your big toe won’t even fit into my shoe being a size 3 in kids
When I talk about my life I don’t tell you about my life’s hair for you to tell me what I should do how I should be how I should live my life cuz you don’t know what I’ve lived
You ask me how would I like what I don’t like how I feel or don’t feel but yet when I tell you what I feel you tell me no that’s not how you feel
You want me to tell you about my life you tell me you don’t know anything about what I’m telling you but yet you fucking tell me how to be I’m so sick and tired of people telling me about my life telling me how my shooters should not be telling me who I what I shouldn’t should not do you need to stop it triggers me
I kept telling everybody and I kept telling everybody and I kept fucking telling everybody you treat a human like an animal what are they going to end up being like a goddamn animal motherfuckers like a fucking animal
So you created this trigger you created this animal in me you may need be out with animals outside homeless and hungry what did you expect when you did this to me
All because I’m a worthless whore right yeah I get it I get it so fucking well but now that I can’t even relate to humans anymore I relate better outside with the animals like I’ve been told where I fucking belong and where I’m worth having a home
And yet you mother fucker sit there and wonder why I cannot talk to you anymore why I cannot relate to humans who have been so hateful and so deserving of taking my rights
Humans they don’t have the fucking right to be judge jury and hangman has hung the fuck out of me for the rest of my life and yet you judge me when you should never judge and take on God’s job why the fuck do you think you’re so powerful as God
I kept telling you and I kept telling you and I kept telling you yet again and again and yet a fucking again if I was ever an experiment… This my friends is your fucking outcome the animal that you treated me to be so don’t wonder when I cannot relate to you who the fuck I am and how I cannot express what I have gone through when you have never been in this size three kids fucking shoes and walked my miles that I have fucking walked
Seems like there’s so many fucking experts about my life when your lives are worse off than mine is you tell me I’m crazy yet I’m the same as motherfucking crazy around crazy means I’m only misunderstood you tell me that yet again and again and again every time you calling me crazy and psycho what did you expect when you kept treating me the way you treat me like an animal I became the animal you treated me to be with the fuck did you expect when you made this animal in me
well everybody’s telling me about my life and how I should live it let me tell you about your mother fucking lives and how you should live it
You know the ones that are homeless dumpster dived for the clothes on my fucking back while you motherfuckers took the clothes off my back it will humble you when you become without when you find your life gone from others hands being on nosy in your business thinking their the righteous ones when there’s no righteous in the deeds you’ve done
You take the material straight off my back and tell me I’m not worthy of the clothes to wear you take the roof over my head and tell me I’m not worthy of a roof and shelter you take the food in the Marshall straight from my mouth as I am about to bite it when my stomach is in pain and hunger and yet you say you righteous and you boast about how you’ve treated this worthless whore this animal that I’ve become
Youyou’ve judged me you became powerful more powerful than God let me tell you about God and what God is going to do it won’t be me because you home your own self on you
Keep playing the righteous ones on the on people’s lives and you’re going to find yourself judged just like you have judged others you will find your righteous asses that you’ve handed yourselves on a silver platter over to the ones that bill be judging you he these words I say it like it is and I don’t give a fuck what you think or how you feel because none of you gave a fuck about how I think or what I feel none of you give a fuck about my life when you took it right from my own hands
All I’m going to say is this you have sold your soul doing the deeds of the dirty devil and they haven’t been done cheap I promise you you have sold your soul out of cheap price but you were paying something highly more than you ever expected to pay in your trade of having blood stay in some your hands I thank you for you teaching me the lessons of humility I thank you for giving me my peace back when you think you stole from me you only handed me what I needed and that was my strength in me I don’t need nobody else all I need is the strength and peace in me that I have become righteous with the one my God and my God only God that has helped me through this thick and thin God the only righteous one
NOW YOU CAN TAKE IT THAT ONE TO THE BANK FOR MOTHER FUCKERS I DON’T GIVE A FUCK ANYMORE THIS IS ME I ACCEPT ME THIS IS HOW I BECOME THE ANIMAL THAT YOU WOULD BROUGHT ME TO BE LIKE IT AND LOVE IT I DON’T GIVE A FUCK CUZ THAT’S WHAT YOU EXACTLY YOU TOLD ME
TAKE YOUR RIGHTEOUSNESS AND TELLING ME OF HOW TO BE AND STICK IT UP YOUR ASS BECAUSE YOU NEED TO BE FIXING YOUR OWN LIVES INSTEAD OF THINGS AND YOU’RE FIXING MINE YOU HAVE NO POWER NO CONTROL OVER ME I AM THE ONLY ONE I’M THE ONLY BITCH THAT’S LIVED IN THESE SHOES
TAKE YOU’RE FUCKING BIG TOE OUT OF MY SIZE KIDS THREE SHOE AND WALK IN YOUR OWN FUCKING MCDONALD’S FUCKING FLIP FLOP SHOES THAT ARE TOO BIG FOR ME TO OWN KEEP YOUR NOSY ASSES TO YOURSELVES AND STOP TELLING ME ABOUT MY LIFE WHEN YOU NEED A FIX YOUR FUCKING OWN
JOURNAL ENTRY JANUARY 27TH 2021 506 P.M.
PS how do you see me as the week one when I see all of you who are weaker than me you have left me to be strong and tell me I’m weak in the knees
you’ve got them right I have a lot to fucking say because I am so sick and tired of people telling me about how I am how I need to be how I need to live my life what I feel what I don’t feel what I like what I don’t like and taking my fucking choice for me
You motherfuckers out there that think you were so strong to take someone else’s life and boast in it I see you is nothing but weak pitiful sorrowful when you when you when I tell you about my life and you feel sorry for my life I don’t feel sorry I feel strong I feel inferior because I had made it through bullshit bitches like you
boast in your weakness as you’ve taken my life cuz all I see is for someone to go this far and to lower their asses lower than the dirt they are walking on there nothing to me when I am standing here still strong stronger than ever before you keep forcing this life on me and I will keep being the strongest bitch on this Earth You Will ever God damn see I promise you take again yet that to the bank take my word is honor take my word if it is because it’s written in stone as I say these words and dictate this fucking general entry as I see it yet again you both on your weakness and your fucking pitifulness and making a woman stronger than your fucking manly ways thank you for what you’ve made me become the strongest bitch with a backbone double take and break yours in half with the measley words I speak
5:10
PPS why the living fuck do you men think that I need to have a relationship why do I need a man why is a woman looked at so fucking weak that they need to have somebody why would I want you like that in my life you ain’t nothing to me when you’ve done this to me brought me to the animal I become you look at me as weep when I look at you it’s the same weaker than me because I’m standing on my two feet where the fuck are you standing in the same place you were yesterday and 10 years before I’m sitting here growing within my homelessness and then my humanity I find that I’m the strongest one I don’t need you I don’t need a man in my life I choose what the fuck I want to do how I want to do it and why the fuck I want to do it and it ain’t none of your goddamn concern stay the fuck out my God damn life and my business give me the same respect as I give to you like
Like I said I did have plenty to fucking say cuz I’m sick of being told of how to live my life when you haven’t been in these shoes that you put me in
One last thing that I’m going to say I found peace again I couldn’t even recognize it for what it really was I just knew I had a stillness in me and December I ain’t not a goddamn soul work taking my peace again if you going to take my peace you got to fucking go straight to fuck up cuz you ain’t worth it when you take my peace away from me
Take your expert answers on my life and get to fucking carrying on cuz I don’t need your around me if you going to be like that
Clairty: Its such a wonderful thing
Sunday, January 24, 2021
5:26 PM
I will admit healing is so freaking exhausting. Especially when you have as much as I do to heal from.
About an hour or so ago something hit me so hard it instantly dropped me to my knees and made me throw up. That kind of shock that hits you when you realize something so much your body just can’t it just it overcomes your whole body and you just drop instantly sick you feel all your hair standing up on your whole body cold images throw up you just get sick from it. I don’t think I’ll ever get used to this kind of shock this is no happened more than a few times now.
When it hit me, my knees buckled and hit the floor, then it went up to my stomach, making me sick
Running for your life and running into
Thursday, January 14, 2021
9:20 AM
Imagine yourself especially a small woman you women out there imagine yourself less than 5 ft tall about 115 lb don’t know anybody in the state of Texas and you find yourself running for your life…. And you run like hell…
And it’s several months later before you realize… What cold chills down your spine and your hair standing up on your whole body when it hits you …
You ran right the fuck into what you were trying to run away from!!! BUT WORSE!
Imagine yourself doing that again and leaving the state for a couple of weeks only to realize you’re dealing with the same motherfuckers that you were running away from yet… AGAIN!!!
How about this one here’s the kicker for you you try something different you try to go to a friend and you run two states the fuck away from Texas…. and what happens to you…
What happens to you???
Whom you thought was a friend is telling you to make yourself like it! and what do I mean by that you wonder?
Make your self like and enjoy coloring down laying down on your knees submitting willingly complying to open your mouth and literally wipe your own fucking face!!!!
Make yourself do it AMD ENJOY IT.
NOT TO MENTION THE STUPID MOTHER FUCKER REALLY THINKS THAT YOU ENJOYED IT
Imagine yourself. . Every time you run you run for the fucking heels for it to save your life only to run right back in to the same fucked up bullshit you were running away from imagine….just imagine…
Just imagine how dehumanizing that would feel like imagine what dignity you don’t have what else is short away from you imagine how you would feel having to make yourself put your face down and fucking rape your own face….
And compared to that the second go-round when you say NO… LORD HELP YA IS ALL I GOT TO SAY because you’re going to feel the wrath of that NO word
Because you were trying not to be a whore you were forced into being a whore more than that being a whore that can’t even take a whore back and a place with no water and filled with rats no food trash everywhere no clothes been stripped of the clothes of your fucking back cuz you don’t deserve them how does that make you feel just reading these words???
Well I can tell you what I know how I felt and I can’t put it in fucking words that’s what I can tell you
So you have to come back to the same place you were running away from to the same people doing the same thing for the last 3 years already.ummmm. .
Brand new year from January 2nd up to the same tricks from the same tricks thinking they doing something new….guess what???
This. Is exactly what I’m going to tell you after what I’ve just been through Mississippi
NOT NO….BUT …OHHHHHH HELLLLLL MOTHERFUCKING NO YOUR NOT … I’LL LITERALLY KILL YOU NOW!
I DON’T GUESS THAT WOULD GIVE YOU A CLUE AND EVEN THEN YOU STILL FUCKING WOULDN’T HAVE A CLUE BECAUSE I NEVER COULD CONVEY IT IN WORDS YOU HAVE TO SEE IT LITERALLY AND LET THEM TELL YOU WHAT THEY’VE DONE TO ME HOW ABOUT THAT ONE THAT’S WHAT I’LL DO I’LL LET THEM TELL THE STORY AND I’LL JUST FILL IN THE FUCKING BLANKS
Prelude
Wednesday, January 13, 2021
8:19 AM
I’m going to start all of this off by explaining why I’m doing this being that there are many reasons that I am. At the end of everything you will find my ending statements.
First off it has clearly became obvious to me that there are people that are wanting to bring 2020 I’m on with the previous years to 2021 and it seems like they’re not going to stop until I stand up to these bullies once and for all.
This is definitely not called being a rat this is definitely called standing up to straight up bullies and that’s it! it’s got to stop at some point and I’m going to put it all out there in order to do so.
Exactly what this is called is taking my control and my power back!
I have spent over a year and over $1,000 of my own money doing this investigation I have tried my best to make sure that I was checking things and making sure that I had things right. I will say this if there’s anybody that does get accidentally called out that shouldn’t be bluntly all this confusion all this crap is why you shouldn’t play this kind of games I’m sorry to those if there’s anybody but you know this is what happens when you do this shit, plain and simple.
For those that have been a part of what has happened to me whether participating alone or within the group none of that matters what matters is is that it affected me it affected my life and it caused some kind of trauma within my life. And the trauma is definitely extensive.
Also within all of these pages that I’m putting out it, my story plainly shows why and the reasons behind why we need decriminalization and not criminalization. These people knew and worked on my fear from being a sex worker they planned on me being scared of that and not being able to go to the correct authorities without being arrested myself but I have to tell you the crimes that have been committed have been very extensive. And playing something these people they continually get away with this under this protective umbrella that sex workers will not step up because of there’s no decriminalization there’s no protection of for us to stand up against those who hurt us.
Also I had learned quite a lot of knowledge throughout my experiences since I’ve been in Texas. That can also be applied within the world today. along with what I have experienced throughout my life putting everything together everything that I know from experience itself, all of the knowledge that I have should be put out there for others to know so that you could be aware so you can if coming into an experience of such that you can be more prepared than I was.
Throughout this past year I felt like that I was doing my own investigation bluntly speaking in case I was found dead. Being that nobody would really pay attention to the fact that I have really been scared for my life and that’s been no joke no one took it seriously and I couldn’t sit back and do nothing I had to do something I had to figure it out on my own I guess that’s what I was left with doing.
And honestly speaking, I knew that I had to figure out what was going on so that I can try to stop it or try to recognize what was going on so I can do my part ignoring it or whatever it had to be that I come to find out.
Also for anyone to really grasp exactly what I’ve been through I had to put the story out there. Because by just me saying “oh I’ve lost everything” that’s just passed off as material or whatever no I’m talking more of my material dignity all of it I mean the things that has happened to me you cannot possibly imagine so I had to put it in detail so that others can understand why I am like I am why I’m skittish why you know I don’t know how to communicate with people anymore just everything why you have to you have to really read the story you have to really get into the details and know exactly what I’ve gone through before you can actually go “HOLY FUCK ALMIGHTY!”you know what I’m saying. There’s a HUGE difference
I have one of the thing to say in the beginning of all this those that have been a part of this at any degree I don’t guess you calculated that once you took everything I no longer cared. there was nothing to care for. Let’s rephrase that. I shifted my priority in caring. I have put everybody else first for more than 4 years actually all of my life but the past 3 and 1/2 years here at the end of January this month it’ll be 4 years that I’ve been in San Antonio and this year and it’s time for me to care for myself finally. And really that’s what everything boils down to is finally caring for myself putting myself first instead of others because I have sacrificed my whole self for this job and for everybody out there and I guess when it’s not earned because I gave everything in the rest it was taken time and time and time again getting appreciate but I gave to you so it’s time for me and care for myself and this is the first step in doing so and this is the most biggest step in doing so that’s what it all comes down to.
So with all that being said it’s one hell of a fucked up story I tell you.
Please remember to you at the story, it’s actually what I’ve lived and been through and still going through so it’s not fiction this is real.
Oh a couple other things I had gone through the editor in word document if you see any repeated words it’s because I have a stutter now because the trauma and I decided to leave that in there matter of fact some of them I take out some of them I haven’t but I did not notice how bad the stutter was until I started going through the proofreading and editing of all these writings.
If you are so petty that you cannot see past the typos just shut the fuck up okay that’s where I’m at because that’s Petty compared to what’s actually being said but I have tried my best it’s not going to be perfect I can assure you
Michelle
Remember the Golden Rule
Wednesday, January 6, 2021
2:23 PM
DO ONTO OTHERS AS YOU WANT DONE TO YOU
This is a brand spanking new year, y’all. if you think you’re going to bring 2020 into this year and it’s going to go the way you expect it to or the way you think it’s going to well let’s just say this much:
Seems like y’all responded so damn well when I started requiring IDs from their screening form all that harassment that you were doing satanic without them fake names and all that bullshit y’all were playing in the moment it stopped within an instant dead in its tracks. I’d say y’all responded very well to what I said. So I figured I’d go about it this way again and see how the response would be.
Seems like there is some people up to their all old 2020 tricks again being tricks smh mm mm mmm you just don’t want to learn that’s okay you continue going on and you know what here’s where I’m at kids will play out and they’ll go to sleep eventually. Kids will wear their selves out… eventually. You know kids got to take a nap right? I’m just sitting here being mommy waiting on you to go to sleep you know mommy’s take care of business once babies are asleep right?
Here’s the thing, I can wait all day long I can make as long as you want me anyway I don’t mind, i really don’t. but I would like to point a few things out to make sure that you understand a few things.
If you can’t care about my boundaries I don’t have nothing for you so you won’t have yours either.
DO UNTO TO OTHERS AS YOU WANT DONE TO YOU!!!!
You know last year 6 months ago somebody walked in my house decided they were going to just respect me in my own home disrespect my home smell their dick in my face and walk the fuck out stripping me of my own dignity.
You know that only told me that person only wanted to know what that actually felt like and you know the only way that I could do so was yo detach it from him. you know about the only thing that stopped me at that point in time was I valued life and I don’t take the place of God and judge and put judgment onto others so that was not my place to be it’s the only reason why he walked out and got away with it even though he thinks he got away with it…I ALLOWED HIM TO! I’m the one who owns that dick cuz I gave him permission to continually fuck when I left him his dick that day the next week after he did that.
I bring bring this up for the simple fact that if you cannot respect I don’t have nothing for you if you have to be a coward I don’t have nothing for a coward I don’t have nothing for somebody who does these kinds of things.
See I do believe there were miscalculations in this plan of y’alls. did you have Wonder but was going to happen and how things were going to go once I lost it all??? Did you have any idea what’s going to take place so whatever did you ever think when I when y’all finally got me to the point of taking it off for me what was that actually going to be taking place???
Well if I enlighten you some. For one, I have nothing to care for anymore I don’t have nothing left well all I got left now is actually time, THAT’S IT….NUTTIN BUT TIME ..
And well considering I’ve been isolated 3 years all I need to do is just go shank a bitch and get put right back in the solitarily for 3 years all by myself. Hey man y’all are all crying about 3 weeks and 2 months I’ve been spending 3 years by myself. I just go tank a beer and and get put right back into solitaire three hots in the cot no big deal
Seems to me I just became a dangerous motherfucker I don’t have nothing to keep me steady no more I don’t have nothing to care about no more you took it all away from me didn’t you? 🤷 it don’t bother me no more there ain’t nothing to be bothered about I don’t have nothing left man look I’m going to tell you
I got stripped down everything one more time down to the clothes on my back. I’ve been wearing the same clothes except for if you extra pieces for this for a month now it ain’t no big deal.
But but out of about 50 Grand that I’ve spent on y’all and y’all been taking a whole lot more than that I figured I’d like this I’m not buying that number I don’t need it it ain’t nothing but material so I guess if you want me to have something for you or you want me to wear something for you or whatever I guess y’all are just going to have to get it for me then cuz I’m not putting no more money into this galaxy being unappreciative of it so I said fuck it I don’t care don’t bother me no more I don’t have I mean there ain’t nothing to lose
So i have to ask you… AND WHAT IS IT THAT YOU’RE TRYING TO DO TO ME???? SEEMS LIKE Y’ALL HAVE A WHOLE LOT MORE TO LOSE NOW THAN I DO.
Young realize the leopard does not change its spots you may change like a chameleon but she still showing the truth saying two colors. What’s different???? Because you still showing yourself.
You know I waited y’all out, just to see exactly the direction y’all wanted to take this year. I’m beginning to see exactly where y’all want to take this. so hence the blog now because I started writing something else instead of this.
I really don’t know exactly what y’all have been trying to accomplish this whole time but on January 29th it will be 4 years that I’ve been here 11 days after my 49th birthday. So what have y’all been trying to accomplish for the last 4 years anything special?
Because y’all sure have spent a whole lot of energy trying to destroy me, take my power awY from me, control me, stripping me an honor dignity pride my word anything of value of my own self. Only to give it back to me very quickly. So what are y’all trying to accomplish because it seems to me not been running around in circles but nothing you didn’t want my control and my power and all that good stuff for very long now did you???
Again I’m going to say that I do believe y’all didn’t sit down and do these calculations very well when y’all made this plan because what happened in reality when you took all the material away from me thinking you were taking everything away from me to break me…
ALL YOU DID WAS MAKE ME.
By taken away all the material stuff y’all had put on top of meYOU DIRECTLY HANDED ME MY POWER BACK TO ME AND I WOULD LIKE TO SAY THANK YOU FOR THAT.
When all of you were doing the things that you had been doing for these years… You weren’t hurting me at all. When you hand in me my inner peace on a silver platter and said here I don’t want it anymore I’m tired of having it I just kind of amazed you didn’t hold it for very long.
Yeah I realize I took off nobody knew where I was I didn’t answer anybody barely
….New Me
Saturday, January 2, 2021
8:24 PM
This really this part is honestly on a spontaneous notion because honestly I just was done and I was going to end it with that. But I believe everybody needs to know exactly where I’m at right now. So with that here comes part two.
I’m going to touch base on some things and this will be the last of what I share of any part of my life to anybody but in order to really get what I’m trying to say I believe that I’m going to tell you how I got there.
So I mentioned that I took off and left the person December without anybody knowing. I experienced some things that were really traumatic by someone i had known for 15 years. I was already hitting rock bottom here in San Antonio, which I’m going to touch base on that minute. From everything I have gone through while being in San Antonio and then to add on top of that but I went through in December. That did something to me.
First of all, that person that everybody has witnessed but things is Michelle is NOT Michelle. I honestly don’t even know that person. What I know of that person you think his name is that person got hurt a lot that person got so hurt that and made her scared and made her skiddish, that person is very frightened person from the very good guy honestly. That fear and that hurt and everything that that person went through made her so scared that she became this monster because she was constantly fighting monsters.
What I am millionaires but I’m never thought I would have been counted when I left San Antonio I think it it’s almost like it scared me straight kind of thing it did something to me. My self value and my self worth has nothing to do with my donations it has nothing to do with money it has nothing to do with anything that any one of you men think it is.It really doesn’t. To experience worse where I went to film with that experience here with value and worth and good way I felt it was made to feel that I wasn’t Worthy and how that made me feel as a person of my own self, within my self. That was it, that I believe was it ended up being the Last straw. I’m telling you did something to me.
That transformation I had mentioned about in the first blog on the man feeling the feeling to you has about pain for services and continuing to see things and that perspective it brought out such an ugliness and such just the emphasis on the money is it does something the people that changes people in those like those those who are the most respectable in life are the most can be can be the most vile and it’s because of that the way things are seen and I am I’m I guess I just came to a point to where I saw something in somebody else’s friend and it scared me so bad I’m just not there no more.
Simply put I’m not here for anyone to put a value or Price tag or whatever you may feel on me that’s not what I’m here for. I’m also not here to put up with you anything tomorrow I’m not here to raise any more children or to raise animals that’s been catched up forever, and I’m really just not here for games. I’m not here to babysit men that are supposed to be grown adults.
There’s why a number of you who had contacted me throughout the month of December that just did not get a response back from me. If you choose to activate if you choose to be these ways if you’re looking to fight you won’t get it anymore and I’m done with it I’m not willing to be a willing participant into these kinds of movies anymore in these kinds of scenes I’m just not doing it. I’m simply not even there I’m really not
if you feel like it’s that important to me too I can ask act like a child or whatever it is you want to do then please by all means go right ahead. Do what you feel you’re going to do you need to do but I understand it’s just not going to happen I’m not writing it with you I’m not here to do that.
I’m not here to change or to be changed why would you want to change the qualities that in me that is enjoyable is what is fun. To be forced in any kind of situation or to have choice be taken away from somebody or to make feel like I have to make myself enjoy something or make myself do it and just swallow it no no not going to do it.
I will Express to everyone that there is no nothing I don’t feel nothing like that anymore there’s no malice there’s no anxiety there’s no there’s actually I believe I think I’ve come to identify it as to be a stillness within myself I’m I guess I’m really at peace I guess I’m really that done with things.
Happy New Year To Everyone
Saturday, January 2, 2021
3:34 PM
The year 2020 is FINALLY gone and over with! And I know we can all agree that we’re glad to come and see that year gone, over and done with. We all feel the same about the year 2020 it has been the worst year that anyone of us has ever known in our lives and it’s one year that way is a whole never want to see again.
In order for any one of us to see a year like the year 2020 again, there has to be change. Because simply put doing the same thing over and over and expecting the same results is literally insanity. I feel like it’s not right with that said I believe this is going to be the year of the looking into our own selves more deeper to see what needs to be changed so that we don’t experience anything near like last year.
I know for myself reflecting back and looking at everything so that I can do my own changes has been really important to me. In my case though, in order for me to implement the changes that I see and make things different than last year, and quite honestly the last four years I need to be able to find a way to bringing understanding but everybody so that these changes really can be accomplished and succeeded. Honestly speaking I took off the first of December I left didn’t let anybody know and I didn’t come back until January 2nd last night. I was gone exactly a month. Throughout that month I was able to start my healing process I was able to start to see things differently to recognize things and to have a different perspective and bring a better understanding within myself. So I’m going to express and go over some of these things with everyone.
There’s has been three and a half years worth of a tug of war a battle of wheels literally between me and the customer side of things. There has been a lot of unnecessary bitter feelings between me and the customer side of things. There has been misunderstandings as well as hurts that should never been there in the first place between me with everyone. I put a lot of thought into how to approach this correctly. Eggs Ben almost to last 4 years that I have actually tried to be able to explain to everyone and I have never been able to get it across until here recently, actually today. So I am choosing my words carefully and doing this vlog with all sincerity with all hard feelings put aside and I’m really trying to bring all of this together in a more positive way that could enrich all of our lives in very positive ways.
I feel but betterness and this tug of war it comes from well from y’all side of things the feelings of having to pay for something that should be intimate is an automatic….how do I want to say this….. Okay the best way I know how to express this is, there is a transformation that takes place in a man but that demand has no idea that happens when demand steps foor into this world. And it’s something that unless you’re on this side of things on my side I provide her side that can won’t be understood can’t be able to explain so that others can grasp and have the ability to do understand this. But it’s natural it happens when a man is talking to a woman there’s respect there’s no idea that she works once that man realizes that the woman he’s speaking with actually works in this industry he goes from instant respect to disrespect to hey a type of loathing and even down right hatred in some. Ace instantaneous I never realizing at all just transformation that actually takes place it’s picked up in the in a person’s eyes. But then less than a half a second flat the eyes change from a glow that is like a dancing and excited you know to the pupils getting smaller and narrowing down and the eyebrows coming together and the crinkle in the forehead and of course the groves and continues to build I guess and the expect take place the more the man feels justifiable in mistreating because he doesn’t see where it’s justifiable to have to pay for the services.
I see exactly where you’re coming from I understand exactly where you’re coming from and I can see that by looking at this and this perspective I can see where it would build up and where these feelings that come up I can I can see why and how I understand it I do honestly grasp this. And in looking at things in this perspective no I don’t blame you.
But again the year 2021 is about bringing change so that do you before doesn’t happen again. So, I want to share my end in the perspective from me I can’t speak for any other provider or anybody else I know me I know how I am and I know that this is about for me so I’m only speaking about me this may not be every provider it may not be any provider but it is THIS PROVIDERS PROSPECTIVE, ok.
Because and the way the customer side in general feels and is not aware of this actual transformation that really does happen. That woman is not saying as a woman anymore and seen as an object and because of payment the feelings of entitlement come into play and which is where the lack of respect comes in and so forth.
When it comes to me Michelle, as a provider… As MsRogue… As the person. From the get go I’ve expressed who I am and what I’m really about, what’s important to me what isn’t that big of a deal to me, what I value in life and in others, as well as what I stand firm on.
I’m VERY old school. And in these days not many rolling gnomes what I mean by saying that I’m old school so to explain to help others really understand what I mean. Everybody lives by a code, may not realize it but whatever code want to put it in another way standard that a person lives by is turns out to be that codes whether it’s stealing or being honest or family or whatever it is that’s a code that is you live by. My code I live by is HONOR. Everything else fall asleep after the word honor or dishonor,either way.
Under that code of Honor comes: respect, dignity, taking consideration into other’s, kindness, treating others the way you want them to treat you. It also means to do right no matter what you do.. kind of like another words an ethical dope dealer or an ethical heaux… Or whatever it is no matter what you do in life do right by it, don’t do people wrong. I left the most important thing for last; WORD!
ALL WE HAVE IN LIFE IS OUR WORD, THAT’S IT!
“A MAN IS ONLY GOOD AS HIS WORD!”
That is the most valuable thing to honor, is our word.
This is exactly why I speak by definition. Na exactly why I say what I mean and I mean exactly what I say. It’s also the reason why I speak very literally. This means that I choose my words very carefully and very wisely but if I’m not sure on that words definition I’m going to look it up to make sure I’m saying the correction that I’m wanting to try to convey or or get across or to try to express. The ugliness I have always had a hard time expressing myself a lot of times things come out wrong that I really don’t mean to happen. this is exactly why I found that I’m able to express myself better by writing.
Once I give my work to someone you can make them unless just situation percents itself that I have no control over to break apartments or that just nothing I can really do about it but no matter what happens I try my best to be right about it I will just try to make up and make right in some kind of way. I at least put forth an effort to try to make right. no I know there’s a couple of you out there that might be reading this that goes like you disagree with this statement and I’m going to State this there’s a key of you that I still need to get with to make right that my situation in the last four months has not allowed me or I’m actually this whole last past year that has not allowed me to be able to did the things that I stated that I was going to do, and you think you’ve been forgotten. that is not the case I promise you! I know there’s somebody from December of the year before I still owe pictures too I’m getting to that soon like Wilson so and because of being so patient and waiting I make sure that it may not easy professional for whatever but I do try to give extra when I can you get to the ability of making right.
These things things missions there might everything but what Michelle is built out of. These things cannot be changed they cannot be swayed they cannot be anything these things are my everything that there’s no negotiations there is no working and compromise that there’s no nothing this is it.
Approaching me and dishonorable or disrespectful mannerisms ain’t going to do anybody no good. It is so definitely the wrong approach when it comes to me. And when I look at things the very core of this battle we’ve been having promise for years between the customer side and me as a provider has simply been about ONE WORD!
RESPECT!
To go even further with this::we all have to pay bills, we all have to eat, we all have to have closthes on our backs, we all have to have a roof over our heads. Simply put we all as human beings have to do certain things in order to continue living in breathing air these things are not negotiable at all for humans. And I mean while those of us that are exhibitionists and nudistbo not feel closed on our backs or need LOL we do have to have them to go out in public. This is essential for all of us. The bills don’t stop they don’t go away they have to be paid or we don’t survive.
The stubborn, strong willed, hard-headed, bull-headed determined little person that I am, would rather go without taking my punishment take whatever is supposed to be coming to me or whatever it may be before I give in and negotiate these things that literally make out to be the very core of me. And I believe that I have fully shown this to be true I have gone hungry 6 days straight I have gone homeless I’ve gone whatever because that’s what I stood for and that’s what I believed in and that was going to be it there was no choice in my eyes because that isn’t a choice to me.
So here we stood, in our differences. On the customer end of things, that happens to be predominantly men putting the emphasis on the dollar sign feeling like it was about money that turned into feeling bitter, that turns into losing respect, bunch of questions turns into automatically not caring not giving shit not hearing anything I say cuz it’s not important it turns into a whole lot of things. The bitterness turns into an automatic hatred.
And in turn, on my side of things. RESPECT IS EVERYTHING TO ME, DISRESPECT GETS YOU ABSOLUTELY NOWHERE WITH ME AND KINDNESS WILL GET YOU VERY FAR WITH ME. HONESTY, BEING TRUE TO YOUR WORD IS EVERYTHING TO ME BECAUSE IT SHOWS RESPECT AS WELL AS CHARACTER.
This has been exactly where all of our differences lied between me and all of you.
Now here’s what I want to State the obvious that may not be so obvious. the emphasis that has been put on the dollar sign and money and making it about money and thinking that it’s about money when it comes to Michelle to MsRogue to me, HAS NEVER BEEN ABOUT MONEY FOR ME.
Again stating the obvious stuff may not be so obvious, without realizing the significance of it all. Because so many really believed that this baby case that money be important to me, I’m not sure how to really say it but to be blunt about it money I haven’t made any money has been taken everything was taken because of the business and here we still stand.
Now I want all of you to be aware of and to know this about me. I don’t mind doing anything for anybody if I could possibly do it for you I don’t mind putting in the extra work if somebody wants something within reason and it would bring a happiness to a person I don’t mind going out of my way I don’t mind giving the shirt off my back, I’m just that kind of person.
Friendship, values all these good things they are the most important thing to me it’s not the money. But also on the flip side of that coin, survival it takes money to survive. And simply put looking at it and understanding the realness of it that the feelings that you’ve had of it being about money is so not the case that in reality it’s literally just important enough so that I can be able to survive that’s it I’m not really hungry I’m not a monetary or I’m not a material kind of person. But yes of course survival being able to eat to stay alive being able to have a roof over my head too have a man be able to sleep in a bed yes those things of course are very important to me. As just like everybody else.
The simple fact of the matter is I don’t mind doing anything that I can possibly do but at the same time I only bring in my own money is SSI money, anything beyond that I can’t do it on my own it’s just not possible. And if you wanted something and I don’t mind doing it but we need to work together in order for everybody as a whole in order for all artiess involved to benefit any positive way and that doesn’t make either side Bill taking advantage of. At one point during the year last year the bills that I had acquired trying to do and make happy and try and team please everybody was at in the middle of 3500 to 4000 a month. I’m not kidding you none. That is Hollywood star movie money in My eyes when you compare it to malt liquor affordability of what I really bring in on my own. I had never in my life had bills not even close like that. If you’re willing to help with these finances I don’t mind giving it to you or trying my best to within my own abilities. But I can’t do all this on my own it’s not possible.
Understanding got the bills have to get paid get that over and done there you know that part of it do you none of you really realize that we are all cheating ourselves out and missing out on great friendships there’s been a few her lately I have allowed a little bit brother into do I really am and they’re coming to realize that outside of the job world I’m going to they can see different person because I’m seen in different light from a different perspective and once that is seen it always happens you’re pretty cool person is but I’m always told.
Understanding that there has to be boundaries so things don’t get misconstrued misunderstood or things don’t get blurry I’m feeling taking advantage of or of these things that we having.
I fully wholeheartedly believe the differences of these things is what has been exactly the cause of this situation. It has never been my intent to cause harm in anyway to anybody. My only intent has always been to try to help others in whatever way I can and to be able to leave a positive mark on those lives that I actually come across. But the only other intent of just simply nothing else but just being able to survive. This unnecessary bitterness this battle of wills in order for last year not to happen in order for dare to be changed we both need to really be able to understand the other side of things be compassionate as well as considerate towards the opposite side. It is my hope and only intent that by going over these things with all sincerity that I can help y’all side of things light of rest things that just is not me that that this can be the beginning of bringing on change, so that means can all really have a better year this year than we did last year.
I am a very forgiving person,I really am. And those of you who feel like I have turned you down undestably or whatever however you may feel. I’m going to give you this little hint… When a person finally is able to grasp something they didn’t understand or was hard for them to understand it’s going to naturally be shown the difference in the behavior and attitude once I see that and I pick up on that I don’t mind seeing you. But until it is shown to me that you understand the level of respect between two human beings and that you understand what I’m really doing here in this job I won’t see anybody that doesn’t show me that. It’s about quality it’s not about quantity I have you can’t if this basic concept of coming together in trading each other right and just understanding the this is where we’re at and we have our own reasons for why we are actually here and respecting each other’s reasonings then at that point I see it as you haven’t fully been able to understand who I really am. I am a very picky person and that way for good reason I won’t just allow anybody near me I won’t just give my heart and my feelings and everything that I put into this for each and every person and every time just to anybody it’s not special then. So putting in a little effort you know nine times out of 10 a lot of the times if I really had the time I don’t mind sitting here I’m just enjoying conversation afterwards but understanding that I have to survive in the bills have to get paid instead of looking at it as it’s all about money there is so much we can all have together as friends within our own memes and that’s honestly what I’ve been wanting and trying to do this whole time.
So change… In order to bring better there has to be change the changes that will be implementing all for these reasons and I’m just going to I guess allow all of you your own choices. And from that I believe will we goes out better sincere and those that aren’t so sincere will show themselves by their own measures and I believe that’s where I stand for this.
Understanding the importance of communication is key to everything working together is the key to everything and that we all have to them give something for it to be able to work it also allows for all of us to feel valued and doesn’t need one person or the other two people taking advantage of I’m trying my best this is my only intent so this year change is the subject and being better than the then what I was the day before is the subject having a better year all the way around yes is my full intent
Wishing each and every one a very wonderful New Year in 2021 with many blessings for you and your families and your loved ones. Wishing for good health and wealth in all ways for all in 2021.
Thursday, December 31, 2020
10:52 AM
How do I feel that I still don’t know come to think about it have you thoughts more like let’s see just just trying to make it second by second instead of day by day right now I guess I want to be happy I guess I don’t know exactly how to feel on what Michelle wants to feel because I’ve been told about what I should feel everything about my life so much that I’m not quite sure on that one yet.
I remember Patty in California telling me and I am at this point I’m not quite sure on anything but I’m very sure on what is it that I feel that I may want or whatever but I know what I don’t want I’m very sure about that one I know exactly what I don’t want and then some I don’t want to be hurting no more I don’t want all of what’s been going on anymore it’s been happening for almost 4 years it’s just progressed until what it got this year and I don’t want none of that at all I want to be able to just work well I do know something I want there we go hey that’s great I want to be able to have a job to where I can just work and just like everybody else just do my job and go on with my life and my personal life I want this separation I’ve been wanting that one but yeah and then on top of that and I think this is what’s going to help me a whole lot too because when I found that law and the recommendation about from the attorneys on that site stating that you should do no more than two types of sex work that did everything for me
Targeted: The New Modern Day Slavery 
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