My Testimony

Introduction

This site was made as a desparate plea for help. Every page, every post, every block, every character is me literally screaming at the top of my lungs “HELP ME!!!” in complete fear of my life. Each time I have tried to reach out for help, I have been silenced, redirected, turned a blind eye and ignored, profiled as crazy, etc. I had to come up with creative ways to do everything that I could to reach out to try to get someone to help me. Not only did I make this site as a cry out for help, I also made “helpme210imati@gmail.com”. With the name “help me”, as well as “tiredofterrorizedntx@gmail.com”. This is not my only website I’ve made fighting to have the right to my voice. Fighting…fighting for survival.

The horror of what I have gone through, being imprisoned in my own home for more than six years and only having human contact in 30 minute and one hour intervals and being tortured, I have no common ground with society any longer. And because what I have gone through is so in depth it’s hard to TRY to explain to others in a way that others can SOMEWHAT comprehend, this site has been made for several different purposes. First off, it’s for me and my therapy. It’s also for my medical team so that they may know how to help me better.

It’s also to help others that i meet from now on to understand why I am like I am and why i do the what may be weird things to others is actually things that I do now due to the things I’ve experienced. For example, because of the kind of brainwashing I’ve experienced I can not handle certain sounds any longer. Like any robotic sounds. That means movies like The Transformers or even Hobbs and Shaw I can’t watch. Another example, they came into my apartment when I was taking a shower, yea Bates Motel kind of shit, I take a shower with the shower curtain completely open and door open, meaning there’s water all over the floor when I’m done. Another example has to do with the kidnapping threat and the way it was done. With a mini van and a car blocking me in to where I could only go in the direction the minivan waa facing or backwards, when I’m walking I stop like 30 or more feet away from any vehicles stopping to give me the right of way.

And it helps others to understand why I’m sooooo deathly frightened of men, ALL men. I refuse to do any kind of business with men any more. If I can’t do it or hire a woman, if I can get away with not needing whatever it may be, I will do without before hiring a man for anything. It explains why I’ll NEVER EVER be able to trust men again. Considering men have hurt me from the very beginning of my life and throughout my life, its a no brainer really of why I will never trust a man again.

Its also my testimony to living through such horror. September 2021 I was more to close to death from all of what they were putting me through than I care to admit. My case manager along with others have told me that most would not have made it out alive. And that’s very true. I honestly don’t know how I’ve made it even after almost 7 years of going through it.

This page, going through my life history shows that those that don’t have family support or much of any support system, those that have gone a lifetime of abuse, those that are of lower income, more underprivileged are the ones most preyed upon by predators, more specifically traffickers.

And because my whole had been exploited and used against me, you have to know my life in order to understand most of the brainwashing and such.

And the most important thing of all is this….

i have been abused all of my life and forced to be held accountable for that abuse all of my life. I am 50 almost 51 years old I REFUSE TO BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE FOR THE ABUSE THAT I COULD NOT CONTROL, IT IS NOT “MY” DIRTY SECRETS TO HOLD. I REFUSE TO CONTINUE TO BE ACCOUNTABLE FOR THESE DIRTY DEEDS, I REFUSE TO GIVE MY “SILENCE” IN RESPECT TO OTHERS WISHES TO HIDE THE LIES, DECEIT AND SLANDER ANY LONGER.

They completely took my life WITHOUT my consent! They took my identity, my human rights, civil rights… When someone/people take your life like talking about, I promise YOU WILL STAND UP, STAND YOUR GROUND AND FIGHT FOR YOUR LIFE LIKE YOU’VE NEVER THOUGHT OF FIGHTING BEFORE. You only have one life, you can’t just lay there and LET someone take your life LIKE THIS. Its made me a warrior that I am today!!!!

In the United States, people serving a life sentence are eligible for parole after 25 years.

NOT ONCE have I ever been allowed THE RIGHT TO DEFEND MYSELF.

I have literally done TWO LIFETIMES of HARD LABOR, NOT BEING ALLOWED TO HAVE MY VOICE, DUE PROCESS OR BEING ALLOWED TO FIGHT BACK WITHOUT HAVING TO PAY FOR FIGHTING FOR MYSELF by those that believe lies and whatevers because I DON’T DO WHAT THEY WANT ME TO DO, FORCING ME TO LIVE “Their” lives! So they feel like I don’t deserve to be able to have anything or have a peaceful loving life. They feel like I “deserve” to constantly clean up after THEIR SHIT.

Here’s an example of what I mean…my life twice a year is totally dismantled from both the inside and the outside to where I’m spending the rest of the time cleaning up after the trash that others leave me to pick up to where I can’t ever have anything, Keep anything or progress in my life. This has EVERYTHING to do with “organized gang stalking”

To all those that kept telling me you need help or you need therapy or you need an exorcism or you’re crazy, psycho, junkie or any and all others

The ONLY help I ever needed WAS TO STOP BEING ABUSED by everyone and then being held accountable for their abuse!!!

I was groomed starting at 7, GROOMED ALL THE WAY INTO BEING TRAFFICKED!

oh yes IF SOMEONE IS ACTING CRAZY OR “OUT OF SORTS” THAT’S CALLED BEING IN “TRAUMA CRISIS”

they are NOT HAVING A “MENTAL EPISODE” That’s TRAUMA, be understanding and compassionate DON’T BE THE ABUSER CAUSING MORE TRAUMA ON TOP OF THE TRAUMA!!!

July 5th, 2022, My Life Timeline Written During My Healing Process

from birth to the “shadow man” in the window when I was 10 years old

I’ve been holding this in for 3 days now, and I got to get the words out. I get it, it’s been since I was 3 years old, so I fucking get it. Furthermore, I’m only damn worthy enough to be raped, molested, brainwashed, manipulated, beat on and used as a punching bag, to be stolen from and whatever else anybody else could think about before they toss me the fuck away.

I’m not worthy of having clothes on my back, food in my belly, roof over my head, friends, accounts, life, identity. I’m not even worthy of my children, I’m not even worthy of having human connections, I’m not worthy of having my family.

All my life everything has been taken from me starting with my mother she took my real name for me, you gave me a name, and they took that away from me!!

My mother always tried to find a reason to get rid of me, and she never could legally. I always needed help, or I needed to have an exorcism, and that grew to her spreading lies to my family saying that I was a devil worshiper. That led to me being totally disgraced and “kicked” out of the family. I feel like I was being raised in Munchhausen syndrome.

I guess I was just so terrible and bad that I rebelled after her proud husband’s nephew molested me when I was 7 years old. And again at 11, her proud husband’s family offers me a piece of gum because I’m only worthy of showing my titties to my Great Uncle Glen. And yet, AGAIN at 14 while at a pool party, his own half brother shoves his whole fucking big ass hand up the crack of my ass in front of my mother. Matter of fact, while I was standing in between them. Yet again, telling me I’m only Worthy to be fucking molested.

In My Lifetime, I Have Witnessed:

Those that claim Christianity; BECOME (MY) PONTIUS PILATE

Those that have been fighting for generations to be free from slavery; BECOME (MY) SLAVE OWNERS

Those that claim to be God-Fearing; ACTUALLY FEAR SATAN

Those that fight and march for Human and Civil Rights, Celebrating the Legacy of Martin Luther King Jr; TOOK AWAY MY HUMAN & CIVIL RIGHTS!!! ON THAT SAME DAY WAS MY BIRTHDAY (2021)!!!

  • Born January 1972
  • Have always had this very vague memory as a baby maybe 18 months/2 years old in a house, there was a bookshelf that was the separator between the kitchen and living room and that bookshelf was my actual my toy shelf and the diapers there was a woman and very vaguely a man. Way later in life, when I finally did bring it up to my mother, she said it sounded like my aunt Dorne and my dad Terry.
  • There were three sense of apartments that I remember living in before the house was built. After moving from the second to the third set of apartments, I remember having a dream of nothing but dead men on Gurneys naked but covered with sheets at the second set of apartments.
  • At 4 years old, my mother changed my name to her new husband’s name…stripping my identity from me
  • March 1977 my brother was born, I was 5.
  • 1977 was a tropical storm that wiped out all the foundation dirt and had to re-put the foundation dirt down because I remember raking the dirt for the foundation of the house, helping out
  • December 77 The house was finally built and moved in to our new home on Frenchtown Road.
  • At 18 months old, my brother was actually climbing door casings. He was massive ADHD and dyslexic. Mother cannot handle him climbing the door casings any longer, so she told dad to take him to work with him.
  • 7 years old 1979 was next door at my grandparent’s house my cousin Mike happened to be there I don’t remember much all I know is we went into the second bedroom he told me to kiss it and I think I said something to the effect of you pee from there I don’t remember the actual act. I remember him saying don’t tell your parents, and I remember looking up at the window because I couldn’t see out of it. Because that bedroom window went directly across from our kitchen window. SO HERE IT IS THE FIRST SECRET THAT SOMEBODY ELSE’S SHAME THAT I WAS EXPECTED TO HIDE.
  • At 7 years old I got molested by Mike Thibodeaux, Bruce’s nephew… paying the price of acceptance into that family
  • March 1980 8 years old my sister was born, my brother and sister exactly 3 years apart by one day. Since it was a girl, I shared a room with her.
  • At 8 years old, my mother tells me I was adopted by Bruce, which allowed my mother through the years to say that I was just like Terry, whom I didn’t know anything about or remember. That’s when I also found out there was no Santa Claus.
  • At 8 years old I was told I was adopted, that my dad was NOT my real dad, but she was my real mom.
  • At 11 years old, my best friend’s brother Chris Harris told Stephanie that if I had hair down there, that he would take me. And he did… That’s how I remember me being deflowered…raped.
  • At 11 years old, Bruce’s uncle, my great uncle started grabbing my titties… again paying the price of acceptance into that family
  • At 12 years old, my mother manipulated out of me that I wasn’t a virgin anymore, and she put me on the pill… she also accused me of being a junkie but never drug tested me. Point-blank, I was never a junkie… Point-blank, I was only doing what I was taught to do, I was learning how to earn my keep by paying the price of sex.
  • At 14 years old, at a FAMILY pool party, Bruce’s half brother Clyde stuck his hand up my cunt so fucking far and right on the side of my mother… Bruce didn’t believe it… Again, paying the price of acceptance into that family.
  • At 14 years old, 8th grade, I screwed my first black guy at school during lunch in a classroom closet… I was accepted by blacks when my own people did not accept me.
  • At 15 1/2 years old, 10th grade, My mother text me out of school, so she can bring me to the corner’s office, so he can deem me to be an unruly teenager. So she could put me in an all-girls home. Of which the corner told her that I was just a regular teenager and needed to stay at home. TRYING TO GET RID OF ME BECAUSE I WAS ACTING OUT FROM ALL THESE MOLESTATION’S AND RAPES, MAINLY FROM HER PROUD HUSBAND’S FAMILY THAT I WAS PAYING FOR IN ORDER TO BE ACCEPTED INTO THAT FAMILY. AFTER SHE STRIPS MY ORIGINAL NAME FROM ME … SHE NOW SPENDS THE REST OF HER LIFE TILL THIS DAY TRYING TO GET RID OF ME OR DO YOU MEAN MENTALLY UNFIT TRYING TO PUT ME AWAY ONE WAY TOGETHER.
  • AT 16, I got pregnant, I went to my only homecoming pregnant and never went to a prom. December 2nd 1988 I got married. She told Bruce that she wasn’t going to sign the paperwork to marry me off. Bruce told her if she didn’t that he would get the priest to sign it instead. So, she signed it.
  • At 17 my mother and I were arguing over a hospital bills that were not my legal responsibility as yet, she kept screaming at me, I was just like Terry about paying the bills. She was supposed to take me to a doctor’s appointment, getting in her car she went to go in reverse before I could even close the door therefore hitting my stomach, hitting the baby… with her still in reverse I jumped out of the car of whiarrested.ch she finally came out of the car and my grandmother who lived next door came around the corner to find me on top of my Mom beating the hell out of her, screaming if you killed my baby because of this. . TRYING TO FORCE ME TO BE ACCOUNTABLE FOR THINGS THAT LEGALLY I WAS NOT ACCOUNTABLE FOR. OF WHICH THE NURSE IN THE HOSPITAL TOLD HER THAT UNTIL DECEMBER 2ND 1988 I WAS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR THOSE BILLS.
  • At 17 moved up to Washington State, I was a wife a mother and not realizing it a daughter that just wanted to get to know her real dad and get the lost time that she lost out with her real dad. ONE MORE TIME, I PAID THE ULTIMATE PRICE TO BE ACCEPTED BY MY REAL DAD. AND I SPENT 8 MONTHS BEING LIKE HIS WIFE. Until I thought I was pregnant and had him arrested.
  • Here’s what I got from my 18th birthday, Pizza, porn and my real dad fucking me up the ass
  • At 18 years old sitting in a motel room with Bruce and Kyle’s dad after I had Terry arrested, I sent Kyle home with his dad and my dad. August of that year I was supposed to be in court for custody over Kyle the same day I was supposed to be in court over Terry. I lost custody of Kyle. Mom swears up and down I stayed because of the KISS concert tickets that I had bought. No, that wasn’t true… Terry pled bargained, and I didn’t have court when I was supposed to. I COULDN’T BE IN TWO PLACES AT ONE TIME.
  • At 18 years old I moved back home, I was married going to divorce had a child had a car and had a key to the house and yet, MY MOTHER TELLS ME TO NOT SNEAK OUT OF THE HOUSE LIKE I DID WHEN I WAS 14 AND 15. (her still holding on to me and being an unruly kid when I was just a hurt kid. And she still has never let go of that) so I moved out.
  • At 19 years old, moved in w Carl (Carl Wayne Guidruz), who beat the fuck out of me. Who had hung me by my neck, told me that he was going to deskin me and pour Clorox over me because I wasn’t worth pissing on. Who also told me when I told him I was pregnant that I would not have the kid and commits to beating me and my stomach. At 8 weeks pregnant, I was not allowed to leave work WHILE I WAS HEMORRHAGING, MISCARRYING. My boss told me all women bleed…NOT HEMORRHAGING. When I finally did make it home, I went to the bathroom and found my baby on my pad. My mother shows up at the hospital with a glass of wine… GREAT SUPPORT… SHE HAD TO BE DRUNK OR TO DRINK TO SUPPORT ME… YEAH, SHE SHOWED UP JUST TO MAKE FACE. I was supposed to be in bed for 10 days on bed rest after my DNC, August needs to go out dancing with Carl and his boss and boss wife the next night. STILL BLEEDING AND IN PAIN.
  • At 19 years old and set up with Johnny, who became my second husband. He paid the attorneys fees for me to get visitation rights with my son every other weekend. Only to find out that he was smelling both my son and his son at the same time on those weekends when I was working. So he only paid for that, so he can hurt my child. Home now my oldest son does not talk to me and hasn’t for years due to this and among you know his grand both of his grandmother is lying to him about me. What Kyle doesn’t know is, during the separation after I found out he was molesting Kyle, he called me over one day to about the divorce. When I walked in the house he offered me a beer that was already open, I’ll only drink half of it, woke up the next morning to wonder why I was sticky and in his bed. He had drugged me and was raping me in bestiality and taped it in order to blackmail me about the divorce.(So this here I paid more than three times. I was given something and then of course it was taken away again)
  • Trying to help the mother of the other child I went into a closed court humiliating myself in front of people I did not even know and admitting that I had been raped that way, by a dog and blackmailed by Johnny. Of which, the court still gave Johnny visitation rights. Tara the mother thank me by hooking me up with a coke addict who shot up. At 25, I have never seen Coke before, never been around it until this where I eventually got turned into being a coke whore for him where am I in that getting punished and paying for not bringing home dividing on a coke which I mean nothing about. Only 6 months… I was off of it and out!
  • Going into rehab for 10 days this was another chance for my mother to say I need help 10 days later I was out and didn’t have a problem with my sobriety.
  • Met my third husband, I would bring women home for who still cheated on me.

My Mother swore I needed to have an exorcism; 6 MONTHS LATER I PERFORMED AN EXORCISM!!

(I called home from Indiana needing help, she wouldn’t send me any help unless I promised her that I would get exorcised. This was an ultimatum by coercion because I had to admit that I needed help one more time. She was discrediting my mental state, AS WELL AS SPIRITUAL. When I was living in abuse!)

This is Spiritual Abuse and was exploited while trafficked

Oh to answer why I moved all over the United States, because even warning EVERY man, no sex im not interested in a relationship…they took that as a YES and when they didn’t get it because I didn’t put out, after being staight up about it, my son and I would get abused and/or kicked out

When I looked at all this and black and white…OK I GET IT…OH I DEFINITELY GOT IT

I AM ONLY WORTH

  • Being molested
  • Being raped
  • Being beat
  • Manipulated
  • Brainwashed
  • Lied to
  • Stolen from
  • Taking advantage of
  • Being a whore

My sister told the whole family about my cousin and I and about the dog situation to disgrace me within my family. What she actually did was EXPLOIT the times that I had been raped and disgraced me to my family.

I am ONLY rewarded when I do exactly what others want me to do or think I should do or act how they want me to act and if I buck that system

  • My name get stripped away from me
  • I’m disowned
  • I’m not allowed food and shelter
  • Clothes get strapped off my back
  • I get put in a trap house with no water or that doesn’t deserve a whore bath that has five rights no windows and then middle of winter

Even pain this ultimate sacrifice of my own self with sex since 7 years old just to be accepted…only to have everything stripped away from me, everybody I love everything that I help sacred. Turns their backs on me when I don’t act as I should or I say think I should

Even after PAYING TO BE ACCEPTED

My punishment’s for not doing what EVERYONE THINKS I SHOULD DO OR BE OR A ACT

  • MY BRAIN BEING COOKED WITH RADIATION FOR TWO YEARS
  • The house broken into time and coming again
  • Attempted being murdered by flipping the car off the interstate
  • Being spied on for 4 years.Being tortured in MANY WAYS
  • Tormented and terrorized and kept in fear

I’m not worth having

  • A family
  • My kids
  • Human connection
  • Food
  • Clothes
  • Shelter
  • Human rights
  • Love
  • Cared for
  • Companionship of any kind

I was wearing a pentacle, had it under my shirt. It fell out of my shirt and saw it, then ran to all of my family saying that I was a devil worshiper.

Defamation of MY Character, Slander, AGAIN my mental State, DISHONORING and DISGRACING me within my family, ultimately being cast out completely OVER LIES!!!

At my grandmother’s funeral, that I almost was NOT allowed to go to, my favorite aunt jumps as I walked past her saying, “Ewww a devil worshiper.” … (my Mother and her “flying monkeys”)… Then I see you say “I am God-Fearing” on your profile.

I have a question; How are you God-Fearing, When apparentitually soun

Been told to “face my demons” …AS I WAS STANDING THERE STARING STRAIGHT AT THEM, EYE-TO-EYE…. Apparently, “I AM.” was NOT the right answer! LOL

So, what is your story and excuse.??? YOU CAN NOT BE GOD FEARING IF YOU FEAR THE DEVIL!!! And sorry to inform you, the devil is EVERYWHERE YOU TURN!!!

The Email I wrote to the Archbishop of San Antonio in 2020, right at the start of the quarantine. This was an exploitation of “my mother”

Dark forces??? Was my mother’s BRAINWASHING, COERCION, AND SPIRITUAL ABUSE!!! Junkie???!! NOPE! JUST GROOMED BY ABUSE!!!! Oh yea BTW, I DIDN’T LIE TO YOUR HUSBAND, YOU DID!!! I’M NOT ACCOUNTABLE FOR YOUR LIES…. AND ABUSE!

“When You’re Faced W Looking Eye-To-Eye To The Demon, The Legion Inside Of Another”

When Dealing with Possession (Draft, Not Finished)

my brain being cooked by emf radiation poisoning Dec 14th 2022

In comparison to May 2020

Now the fake ads with the ages makes sense, now that it’s been explained that the torture is also disfiguring me. No one has any clue of how I feel about this, its horrific, its just horrific. Those that told me about these ads, WERE THE ONES THAT MADE THE ADS!!!

December 24th 2022 1:36am being burned AGAIN, more FREQUENTLY now that I’ve cut EVERYONE OUT OF MY LIFE!!! Now that they don’t know what to exploit to use against me, I’m being tortured more this way.

i feel the burning on my right Cheek.You know really quickly when you are being attacked like this

The lesson my family and others have taught me was

NOT TO BECOME YOU!!!!

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